The Extracurricular Paragraph

<p>I was hoping I could get some feedback on my paragraph for the section that only allows 1000 characters to describe one extracurricular experience. Thanks guys! </p>

<p>At the disability center, I was assigned to an autistic boy. His eyes brimming with tears, he screamed. I couldn’t decipher the words that left his quivering lips but I knew he blamed me for separating him from his mother. His fragile hand in mine, I pulled out glittery stickers which lit his eyes with curiosity. Eventually, I cajoled him to join the class whether it was Arts & Crafts, Dance or Mannerisms. Soon, he looked forward to seeing me as much as he looked forward to seeing his mother afterwards. That year was devoted to Bobo; the following year to Raymond, an adult who continuously talked about politics and current events. Today, I am a Team Leader who keeps 8 students and 5 volunteers under my wing. “Befriend her,” I say because although they may be illiterate, unresponsive, or self abusive, they aren’t impervious to feelings. After all, they are one of us. Under the shield from society’s judgmental eyes, we forget that we are in any way different: in age, race or mentality.</p>

<p>That’s amazing… I was going to put something like, “basically, I helped out after school every single day.”</p>

<p>Thank you! But I thought it could use some improvement because it’s quite cliche… any suggestions?</p>

<p>i really liked it :slight_smile:
but yeahi see how you think it can be cliche, but i think they all do</p>

<p>add a comma after Dance Thumbs up!</p>