What is that line? I really hate bragging or anything that smacks of bragging. But some announcements are appropriate or aren’t they?
The alumni news that so and so is now president of SYZ Corporation. Is that news or bragging?
When a friend asks “How’s your daughter”, I might say “She’s fine. She’s set to graduate next year”. But to say “She’s at the top of her class” would be to me bragging.
Another example, a wedding announcment in the newspaper which says "Joe X married Sue Y at the Town Valley Country Club (is that part bragging that yes, they or their parents can afford it?). Joe graduated summa cum laude (what does that have to do with getting married?) from Big League University.
Some announcements seem like an opportunity to do some world class bragging and don’t reflect well on the person.
I think wedding and engagement announcements in newspapers have historically contained a lot of braggy elements of naming schools, professions, fancy parents, etc. Most people don’t even look at them. Don’t worry about them!
I like hearing good news so it is never bragging to me. Other people’s good fortune or achievements do not diminish my life in any way so I would never want them to feel they cannot share them.
I do think that reading the NYT wedding section is akin to reading a LinkedIn article. “The bride’s father is the chief of widget counting at XYZ corporation and the mother owns her own consultancy firm advising ladybugs on which flowers are more fragrant. The bridge graduated with honors from NotPodunk University and also obtained a masters degree in SomethingFancy before enrolling in the PhD program at Fancypants U, where she met the groom.”
At least they don’t spend time describing the clothing? “The bridesmaids wore sweetheart neckline dresses in varying shades of ocher, with nosegays of petunias and coreopsis.”
Wedding and death notices provide lots of detail for family historians. It can be tough to document people’s lives. Letters and formal records aren’t always kept, and family lore isn’t always accurate. Most people don’t have newspaper articles written about them, so wedding and death announcements are sometimes the only confirmation you can get. But you need more than names, especially if the name is a common one.
I particularly like descriptions of what people wore. Too many photos aren’t labeled. The descriptions can help identify people too.
Very honestly…when I hear people bragging about their kids, I love it. Sure, it’s annoying…but so what? Too often I hear people criticizing their kids and expressing a bunch of negative crap. Good news is always welcome to my ears. I’m just as happy to hear that “Skeeter just got hired in at the Sandy Crab Tattoo shop for his death metal art, and thinks he might have his classic bike built this summer” as I am to hear “Bethany just advanced at Amazon and has been made vice president of X demographic marketing, and you should see her new house!” Parents who are genuinely proud of their kids, regardless of what they’re doing…Fancypants University, or Beauty School…I don’t care…I just like when people support their kids, take an interest, and love them.
The over the top braggy stuff? I just think it’s funny. To each their own…if they’re enjoying basking in the greatness of their child’s accomplishments, who am I to deny them that indulgence? Parenting is tough work. Let them celebrate:)
Good news–we could use more of it, and it beats the alternative! Even if people seem overly proud or braggy, they are happy and excited about their news. Let them share away.
I don’t know where the line is. I love hearing good news even if it ventures into bragging territory. On the other hand, I am allergic to bragging. No, it doesn’t diminish me and that’s not my objection. It’s the self-absorption and the need to self-promote that gets me. Far from hearing any tales of anything remotely negative about children, I am surrounded by parents who want only to paint a picture of perfection. I think it’s unhealthy and there has been more than one instance where a person has flat out lied to me about her child’s accomplishments. So maybe it comes down to intent? I don’t know. Good news makes me smile widely. Bragging makes me cringe.
I have one relative who constantly drops names, telling about his lunches or golf games with one well known person or the other. I just inwardly roll my eyes. I find bragging to be a sign of insecurity.
I have good friends and my sister to whom I brag about my kids (and, when it’s justified, about me and DH), but they brag back to me about their kids and their accomplishments. We’re trying to support each other, not outdo each other. These are people I’m close to, so why wouldn’t I brag?
But to acquaintances – no way. Then it’s obnoxious. So maybe it’s not what you say but to whom you say it.
Why should people engage in false modesty or be embarrassed about being truly happy for their children? Celebrate your child’s success with your friends, colleagues, neighbors, or even strangers. Just don’t do it in an obnoxious one-upping kind of way that denigrates others, and you should be fine.
I’d rather hear an honest brag over fake humility any day. “Yay, I got a perfect SAT score!” is so much more earnest and appealing than “I can’t believe my professor said my paper was the best she’s ever seen. I wrote it in an hour!”
For the most part, I don’t mind hearing other people talk about their kids’ achievements or good news. But, it gets old when the person has mentioned the same achievement for the umpteenth time so as to ensure that you never forget just how great the kid is. It is also annoying when mention of the achievement is done in such a way as to make clear that kids who didn’t get that specific achievement are somehow less than. For example, I am happy to hear that your child is a NMSF. But, I find it obnoxious when you go on to refer to kids who don’t have that designation as “the run of the mill” high school seniors.
Confine your bragging to your Christmas/New Year letter, where people expect it and can avoid or ridicule it as they choose. Other announcements can then be brief and limited to the facts - “Janie’s new address in Chicago is xxxx.” You can explain in December that Janie got hired by the top law firm in Chicago and is their most successful and best dressed new associate, and that Lenny was voted Best Barista at his café for the third year in a row.
There is a fine line, and sometimes it depends on who is giving the news and how they do so. News is great - kid got into PhD program at xyz U. People in the know will be aware this is a great achievement. But some people have to add, “You know this is the BEST program in the country and is harder to get into than Harvard undergrad!”. That puts it over the line. Let the achievement speak for itself.
There are people who are very honest about their kids - the good and the challenges. Then there are those that have the perfect children - and will let you know this in every single conversation.
I have a friend whose son got perfect SAT scores, first sitting. She had to apologize for bragging, but she knew I’d appreciate it as this was also the kid who regularly forgot to hand in homework (even though he’d done it), and had a D in gym for forgetting his uniform a few too many times.
Honestly I like nearly all bragging. I always think it’s funny when I get accused of bragging on CC threads. I’m anonymous and it’s still bragging?! (FWIW on CC it’s usually to put things in context, not because I want people to admire me.)
In “Miss Manners’ Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior”, there’s a wonderful piece about college reunions (but which could be about a lot of life). It starts:
Then Miss Manners gives some wonderful and deadly accurate examples of how people (humble) brag about accomplishments, happiness, and wisdom. But then there’s this:
