The first essay of a desperate candidate

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>As you can see from the title, this is my first essay for the SAT. I’d really appreciate it if you could grade my essay, and what is more important give some opinions about it. I don’t even know if I’m on the right way and what to change. So…your opinion will be very useful. Any kind of comment is allowed, be ruthless and show me the flaws (and the advantages, if there are any). Thank you very much for helping a desperate candidate :))</p>

<p>Is it important to question the ideas and decisions of those in positions of authority?</p>

<p>The urge for a change and the opposition to antiquated ideas are definitely the main forces for the human progress. Several examples drawn from different historical times and literature masterpieces prove this assertion. If Martin Luther had not opposed the Catholic canons, now the Protestant movement would be only a good wish. Another example is Shakespeare’s “Hamlet”, whose choice to fight against the old values leads to the appearance of progressive and humanistic outlook. Again, the necessity to question the authorities can be seen nowadays when millions of people liberate themselves thanks to the protests of the Arab Spring.</p>

<p>In a century ruled by Catholic dogmas an intrepid priest called Martin Luther questions the validity of the cherished values and his actions give a start to a movement that has remained in history as the Reformation. In 1534 the German dared to undermine the venal practice of the Roman Church to exonerate sins in exchange of donations. The act of hanging his “93 thesis” on the door of the Cathedral in Hamburg inspired huge masses of Christians to withdraw from the Catholicism and to form a new movement – the Protestant. This page of the historical book of the religion proves clearly that challenging the validity of the authorities results in an advance in human lives.</p>

<p>As can be seen in “Hamlet”, the necessity to doubt and to vacillate about the existing norms opens the consciousness for new prospective. Shakespeare’s tragedy reveals the world of a young prince, Hamlet, whose responsibility is to kill his uncle. This burden comes from the antiquated moral principles of the Middle Age to pay for the blood with blood. However, the young Hamlet refuses to follow this path and doubts about the necessity to “be in the frame”. Although it ends is tragically, the play reveals that new ideas are bound to survive, that everyone should make the decisions individually, not because of authorities.</p>

<p>Another example which demonstrates the fact that insubordination to authorities is a way to freedom and democracy is the Arab Spring. The civil protests which sparkled off in 2010 in Tunisia and inspired the entire Arab world prove the theory that dictatorship and power should be called into question. When the authority is illegitimate and the community does not recognize it as representative, then the community has the right to demand changes.</p>

<p>These three examples of history and literature testify to the assertion that not only can people doubt about authorities’ actions, but also that they have the moral obligation to do so. Martin Luther, Hamlet and the Arab Spring have abolished the antiquated values and have helped for the emergence of modern and progressive ethic principles.</p>

2

<p>I don’t want to be annoying, but anyone to grade my essay?</p>

3

<p>11 or 12
Don’t be too worried about the essay, I totally bsed mine on the October SAT and wrote 2 full pages with only 2 examples, one being personal, and still got a 10.</p>

4

<p>Really? 11 or 12? You must be joking…I though it would be around 7-8. I haven’t practised the essay since today and I’m an international student (English is not my native language). My SAT is on Saturday (only 5 days), so I’m freaking out about the essay! But your words are a great relief. Thank you so much!</p>

5

<p>“The urge for a change and the opposition to antiquated ideas are definitely the main forces for the human progress”</p>

<p>Ok interesting premise. </p>

<p>Ex 1: Its 95 Theses not 93. And Martin Luther founded Lutheranism not Protestantism. “This page of the historical book of the religion proves clearly that challenging the validity of the authorities results in an advance in human lives.” OK but you did nothing to demonstrate that in this example. What specifically was the advancement? That there is a different religious sect?</p>

<p>Ex 2: “This burden comes from the antiquated moral principles of the Middle Age to pay for the blood with blood.” Nice tie in, but this a very unconvincing example. Everything ends horribly for Hamlet <em>because</em> he was questioning and vacillating. I dont feel you have shown the grader that this was beneficial. </p>

<p>Ex3: We used to see a lot of Arab Spring examples, but we dont so much anymore. Because it was one set of bad government swapped for another. Its going to be insufficient to just name check Arab Spring, you are going to have to point to specific benefits. </p>

<p>In the conclusion you say "have helped for the emergence of modern and progressive ethic principles ". I can see the seed of that in Hamlet but where is that in Martin Luther? It was a theological dispute between the concepts of salvation by faith or salivation by works, and just on a head count basis I dont think you can make a conclusive claim about either being a “progressive ethic principles”. Arab Spring is better but you should have rereferenced the Democracy in particular as the ethical principle you are pointing to. </p>

<p>Overall I think you made it hard on yourself by picking a strong, but restrictive thesis for the prompt. Then it felt to me like you had to shoe horn in your examples. The other thing to consider is that you dont have to put as much explication into the Intro as you did. The time is better spent on making sure your examples are supporting your thesis. </p>

<p>Overall I think its a 4. Some of your phases are odd sounding but probably not enough to cause a deduction.</p>

6

<p>Thank you so much for the thorough comment, argbargy. I’ll definitely read the post carefully and take notes. Maybe my examples lack of depth and I should connect them more tightly with the topic, pointing out how they really “interact” with the assignment. I knew the Theses were 95, a stupid mistake, but this raises a question. How important for the essay is the “fidelity” of historical facts?
Valuable advices…thank you. I hope I will improve a little until the test date…</p>

7

<p>The definitely do not fact check, but since they are experienced teachers 95 Theses is definitely something they would know. There isnt a specific deduction, but it doesn’t help the overall impression. </p>

<p>The Essay is definitely one area people improve with practice. Work on your writing speed. To make sure you understand how the examples need to provide reasons try writing two essays per practice prompt. Take a different side each essay.</p>

8

<p>Yes, the problem is I don’t have enough time to work on my examples and essays. The remaining 4 days I’m going to dedicate mostly to the essay…Another question, is it possible to write something outside the common facts and events? For example, history and literature of Eastern Europe? Thanks again!</p>

9

<p>Absolutely. There is no requirement that the examples are from a subset of things that are HS “required reading”. </p>

<p>Anything that is serious or academic is a good candidate. I’d avoid pop culture stuff. You can help yourself by making up a list in advance of 20 or so examples from what you already know so that you are familiar with their themes and characters. You dont want to waste time in the test room trying to remember plot points. </p>

<p>Based on prompts the past few years I’d say inventors and entrepreneurs are becoming more useful than the classical literary ones.</p>

10

<p>Really useful advices! I’ll search for some examples in order to be better prepared. Thank you, I really learned so much only from you and this thread… :)</p>