Talk to clergy to find a low cost but competent attorney with working out these kind of arrangements. There is a pay scale for many states that based on father’s income, how much he needs to pay child support for the mom with sole custody. Since he has only sporadically seen the child - and it sounds like little or no financial support…Absolutely get this worked out soon. With sole custody the attorney can advise about the passport. You need to act because obviously time has passed with no action by the father.
Best wishes on getting this worked out.
Also DD needs to fully have her responsibilities worked out with her son and be very stable before entering into another relationship - and she needs to look at what was lacking with the baby’s dad and avoiding this with other men.
Is the father listed on the Birth Certificate? My daughters bio dad wasn’t listed and I was able to take her to Mexico by showing the BC that I was the only parent.
Get a copy of the form and have it ready for the next time he visits. There are notaries available at most banks or you might be able to find one on your local Nextdoor or similar blog. Don’t make a big deal about it (and maybe YOU could even ask as YOU want the baby to be able to be the ring bearer; he may have less anger at you than your daughter).
Unfortunately, it rarely ends. My brother is taking his sons to Mexico for spring break but only after a fight with ex. She wanted them to go with her to San Diego and wanted an extra weekend. Brother said yes, but then he wanted 2 weeks in the summer. No no no, she said and brought out the divorce decree. Well, when he read it it seems spring break is his and now he’s taking them. The boys are 16.5 and they’ve been divorced since they were 4!. Never ends. Well, it will in 1.5 years when the boys are 18.
Real losers are the 2 boys who could have had 2 vacations this spring.
@jym626 ~ Great news! Prayers for good health going forward.
@momocarly ~ I am so sorry for your dear grandson. That is tough. I have a niece in a similar situation with her son and his father. He was involved for several years, but has not seen his son for at least two years now. Sad. The rest of us make extra efforts to recognize him on his birthday, attend his sporting events, deliver extra presents at Christmas, etc. I am sending you a message.
So many wonderful grandparent stories on this thread. I thought I would share my good friend’s situation with continuing to be a mom with her two grandsons, 7 and 9 years old.
I just met up again with this friend in person, as she lost her husband young to heart disease (he was 61) and is moving back to our geographic area (her job moved them away). She is in the process of adopting the two grandsons her husband and she have been raising pretty much from birth (the boys are 7 and 9 now) - the biologic dad has been in and out of jail; the biological mom to the boys is their older adopted daughter who has had drug issues and may also have Huntington’s Disease (one chooses to get the testing for it) that can affect brain, body, or both. The younger adopted daughter, fully a biological sister, does have Huntington’s Disease, verified by testing as an adult at her choosing - probably as she was having troubling signs in her 20’s, which is affecting her mentally with issues like bipolar disorder that can be treated with meds and therapy - but this gal gets feeling better and goes off meds/therapy - probably she misses either the ‘highs’ during milder manic and also the meds can make one feel sluggish - the gal’s mom says her younger daughter will go w/o sleep etc. and her judgment is way off. The younger daughter successfully completed college, has a stable husband, and has one child – his family surrounds them so the mom feels she can concentrate on her biologic grandsons. My friend was able to retire a little before 65 and keep benefits from her employer. Her 80 YO mom is going to be with her in a home purchase - selling the mom’s current home, with lots of her family around (she is moving back to our area where we met the couple and my kids went to school with her adopted daughters). These two girls had prior to adoption been originally taken care of by their biologic grandmother (I believe the mom was physically affected by Huntington’s Disease and was not living with them) who was not doing well will taking care of the girls (sounds like the bio grandmother had medical issues and low income) and the girls were behind by years in school placement (these friends adopted these two girls and had custody when the girls were 7 and 9) - the younger one was able to catch up in school, whereas the older one was only able to do very average and the education gap was too big to totally overcome - she fell into a bad crowd at community college (where she had a softball scholarship, as she was a good athlete).
Since the boy’s grandmother (and her husband, ‘mom’ and ‘dad’) have been raising the boys with their daughter in and out of their lives (due to drugs and going off with various men/drugs), the custody/guardian change to adoption should not be a problem. Their daughter is just choosing drugs over life with them - and the drugs just also become something that pollutes the mind and another thing to overcome for her - she was a very sweet girl that just spiraled down. Both of these boys are on the spectrum (the older one it is more evident) but they will continue to be in the most optimal environment for them to continue to do generally well.
My friend is such a positive person and is ready to continue to be a parent for the next generation. Thankfully she has a really good family network around her. She has a cousin here that is like a sister to her, and that is a very big help to her as well.
My daughter is due in May. They chose to wait until the shower to find out the gender. Their reasoning was that maybe they would get more things they actually need. So the shower was yesterday and it’s a boy!! The shower had a taco theme and the gender reveal was a piñata. My son was in charge of reading the note from the doctor and filling with pink or blue candy. My son has two daughters (almost 1 and almost 3) so now I am going to have to get used to boy babies again.
OK, I have been lurking…and sitting on my hands for a few months. But today D and SIL announced that they are expecting their first child (our first grandchild) in August!
Will they find out gender? Yes- in August.
Daddy’s away at a conference. Mommy’s working a 2-10pm shift at the hospital. Nanny leaves at 4. Guess who is going to be feeding the twin cranky** critters dinner and putting them to bed tonight solo?
**cranky because both of them are cutting molars. Also one is going thru pacifier withdrawal cold turkey.
Either I will never do this again. Or everything will be fine.
I’m making homemade pizza for dinner–pizza is a favorite so I’m hoping a bit of bribery will help smooth things.
As tough as things can get - it will be easier!! The grands are such a joy - and all the things you can teach them along with their parents. Have flash backs of joyful moments!
D1 has not left the baby to a single caretaker yet. When they are away, it’s me and their sitter. When one of them is away on a weekend, it’s me and the other parent. The grand baby is really a very easy baby. She goes to bed at 7pm and wakes up at 7am. She takes naps regularly and feeds herself. But D1 says, “it’s a lot of work. To much for one person.”
Baby #2 was born mid-pandemic (early on for vaccine) so D had no choice but to leave GD with just me for the three days they were in the hospital. H did come by in the evenings for a little while, but no one else was totally isolated as we had been, so I was basically on my own. Exhausting! But she was 2, not a baby, so could have been worse.
Things are a little uneasy in Garlandworld. GS (10 months) has been getting PT for some very slight weakness on one side for the last few months. D has escalated it with doctors as the therapist has identified issues. Saw a ped neurologist today, who believes it’s probably neurological, not muscular-skeletol. The suggestion is possibly a stroke in utero (WTH???) or, very unlikely, a tumor. He’s most likely fine or going to be, but this is very scary. Keep him in your thoughts, please.
@garland
Hugs to you. This is a difficult time. My best hopes for a good outcome.
IME, pediatric neurologists often jump to the most serious diagnosis possible. I’m not sure why, but I’ve seen happen more than once. Once myself, and again with the GS of a friend.
When d2 was 3 and suddenly started having full body tics (30-45 tics/minute), she was eventually referred to a pediatric neurologist who quite cheerfully told me he knew exactly what was wrong with my baby–either she had severe epilepsy or a brain tumor.
The potential diagnoses floored me, but what was really disturbing was how absolutely upbeat he was that he knew what was wrong.
(He didn’t. After weeks and weeks of tests, both diagnoses were definitively ruled out. Neurologist finally admitted he had no idea what was going on with her, but it would probably go away on its own (!!!)
It did. Eventually.
Much later several other doctors suggested she probably had either PANDAS or Sydenham chorea since both she and her sister had had recurring strep infections that year. Something that was in her medical records, but something which the ped neurologist never even asked about.)
Pizza was a hit. Twins played nicely after dinner. No fussing, biting or screaming. (But I still can’t find where Twin B hid my shoe…) Sat on the couch with me for their bedtime stories, climbed up stairs to the nursery, brushed teeth and let me put them to bed. All done by 7pm. Thank goodness for bedtime routines.
And there’s even some leftover pizza for Mommy when she gets home around 11.
Yes, very scary. If it was a stroke, it will qualify him for services under fed law (the 0-3 program, Child Find, or whatever it is under in his state). They’ll pay for therapies and other services. My daughter qualified because she was born very premature and had a low birth weight. While she got some services through our insurance, we had a few extra choices through the 0-3 program. My favorite was music therapy.
Hope it is minor and services will help him get back on track.
Yes, I am thinking so. He didn’t initially qualify with what was first thought of us a neck issue because he kept his head tilted a bit, but I think now that the findings are more widespread, they will have him reevaluated and he should qualify.