Sounds both wonderful and exhausting. I admire the effort you put into being apart of their lives living across the country. It’s a lot of work getting on a plane multiple times a year.
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I hadn’t thought of it in those terms. One works for a larger company and those factors are all true.
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I did it. Jumped right back to work after each kid was three months. It was hellacious during their young years, even though we had wonderful nannies, but it really paid off in the end.
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Yup – we were paying more than my salary in daycare in the mid-90s. My rationale for doing so was that it protected my economic viability for the long haul, both in terms of moving up the ladder and staying up to date in a very legal-technical industry. More importantly, I would be able to support our kids if something happened to H, and could save for retirement. I was also carrying medical coverage for all of us pre-ACA through my job, as the rates where H worked at the time were stratospheric and based on the firm’s small size and demographics.
If S2 and DIL have kids, and decide to stay in Ukraine, I suspect we’ll be paying to help them with daycare and to be in good schools. It’s much less expensive over there and better schools would help with transitioning to the US if they ever make that leap.
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I have strongly encouraged D to stay in the paid workforce for a lot of reasons mentioned by others here. Also, couples frequently weigh the cost of childcare against one person’s (typically the female) earnings, but it should be weighed equally against both. I do admit that daycare is very expensive and I am very happy D has a well paying job which she likes.
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S1 and DiL have the dependent care FSA, but it maxes at $5k and covers less than 3 months. But, better than nothing.
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GD just started preschool. It’s from 9-3, and it is similar to regular school schedule, which means they have many days without school. Son in law just started a new job where he needs to be in the office quite a bit. D1 is usually out of the house at 7 and doesn’t get home until whenever from Mon to Thu. She also travels a lot.
They are paying for a private pre school and also a full time nanny. They pay the nanny as a salary person, which means she gets weekly pay whether she works or not. She also asks for 1.5 times when she works over time. The good thing is the nanny is very to GD. Two weeks ago when GD was very sick, the nanny took care of GD and the parents didn’t have to stay home.
D2 lives 10 minutes away from her sister, so she and her financée will go over to watch GD if her parents are late.
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One reason my daughter passed on the Montessori school was the amount of days they were closed.
Yes, some schools have a lot of “holidays” for staff. That can be an expensive problem when both parents work fulltime and there’s no handy free relative or loved one to step in.
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Be sure to differentiate between “school” and “child care” (while both are learning opportunities). Schools are going to have lots of days off - as schools do - and is more optional for the 5 and under crowd. Child care has the primary purpose of doing just that - providing care for children in an extended way beyond “school”.
I know people use the terms interchangeably but really they are two different entities with two different PRIMARY purposes.
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But the little kids like to say that they’re “going to school.”
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GD’s daycare is also a pre school. It is definitely a daycare. but that said they were closed this week.
Yes of course!! And some have the preschool with extended day option. There were just some comments that sort of indicated that “schools” have a lot of holidays. Which is true of nearly all “schools”! Just mentioned that to check expectations. 
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GD goes to a pre-school. The school is closed for various winter/spring/summer breaks, plus other federal holidays. The school starts at 9, so they need the nanny to be there by 8, and then for pick up at 3. In between she does some light housework and whatever she wants. D1 has a cleaning person to do thorough cleaning. The cleaning lady interviewed D1 before she agreed to take on the work. She is there all day. She cleans the refrigerator, oven, wipes down all light fixtures. The place is spotless. I asked D1 if I could get her to clean my place. D1 said she had a WL.
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DD1 and DD2 had an excellent Montessori school, age 2 1/2 (have to be potty trained) and went through Kindergarten (I knew about it as all 3 of my physician bosses had used this Montessori for their children, with the SAHM wives using the part time option). DD1 remembers many of the organizing concepts and progression of learning - she was in through Kindergarten, as I knew the school they were going to was weak with K, and it kept both children together. The elementary school improved the K, and the transition was also my transition to SAHM, so DD2 was in K and DD1 was in 2nd grade at the elementary school together. When DD1 was in first grade, DD2 was home with me, and she was able to come with me when I was a parent volunteer for “centers time” - when the first grade class broke up into various small groups with special activities. That opportunity gave me more insight into the classroom, and DD2 as well.
GD1 is in K, and GS1 is in 4K at the same private elementary school that goes through HS. The daycare for GS2 and GD2 takes summer elementary kids (which GD1 and GS1 will go to in the summer), and SIL’s Army stipend also helps pay for the difference between base daycare and the available to them daycare. SIL says the base daycare has a wait list of 50. DD1 found out that the cost of base daycare went up, so their subsidy went down a bit (as the difference between base and private daycare narrowed in cost).
DD1 and SIL both have more leave time (DD1 with VA Hospital, SIL with Army) than most industry or even with long time employment (they have 4 weeks), plus SIL still has some weeks of paternity leave available (to use before GD2 turns 1); she is 6 months old now.
The daycare they use has a lot of medical professionals using that particular daycare. Several of SIL’s base contacts have said “oh, that is a good daycare”. DD2 found it by just researching in their home’s zip code what were the licensed daycares in that zip code, and went from there. Both told me of the positive things about that daycare and personnel. The Gkids have a very good fit with the daycare and the school.
Have done some reading with GD1 every day during our visit, and GD1 has expanded her memory words (often used words) as she has picked out books from their home supply and read them with me. Books that have had a number of new words, we read again on another day or with a gap in time. GD1 is so eager, that she often wants to go ahead and read it again right then. Also have been going through a numbers pack of cards where she is adding to the work she is doing in her class. GS1, we went through one of the workbooks Santa gave him - and he was enjoying that task book of numbers, with writing the number, circling the picture groups which were of that number. There is a neighborhood park a short walk from the house, and with nice weather Grandpa has taken GD1 and GS1.
DD1 and I will go with GD1 (and probably also take the baby) to GD1’s eye appointment Saturday - she needs glasses. We stopped in shortly today, and found out some optometrists do not take children under a certain age (their own preference I guess) - this one, he would not test children under age 7. But we then called one that did (same chain of eye glass stores, but the optometrists have their own professional choice on patients). When I explained to GD1 that this optometrist only sees people older than age 7, she said “I don’t understand why he doesn’t take children”. I suspect this optometrist had a bad experience with a child who was uncooperative. GD1 at age 5 1/2 will be an excellent patient, on deciding which lens is better, 1 or 2, for example as the do when they check your eyes. Obviously, very young children who have sight issues have professionals that have special training for their needs.
Grandpa and SIL have been enjoying a bit of football, and all the kids like watching – they watch very little TV/movie/sports, and follow the game, while the younger two also are playing with their toys and having adult interaction.
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@oldfort: Maybe like a wait list at a college, you should write her a letter telling her how much she’ll enjoy working for you and how, if she accepts you, you’ll drop all other cleaning ladies. 
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Haha.
I took GD to FAO Schwarz today. I asked her we left if she needed to go to the bathroom. No, no. As soon as we got to the store, she had to go right away. I literally had to cut in front of 10 ladies to make it in time. Those ladies were all really nice.
I to,d her she could only pick out 3 toys. She picked 3 - stuff animal, Barbie doll and a book.
It was a full day for her. She is still taking her nap
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GD (5 1/2) wanted a Barbie House. Her mom/Santa got her a Barbie closet - and she was excited/loved it. She likes dressing Barbie into different outfits.
I brought her American Girl dolls - one was her mom’s and one was the same model as my DD2 (she kept her pristine and in the original box for storage). I had purchased lots of clothes/accessories from AG and also from EBay. Only brought an organized small plastic box with about a dozen outfits in zip lock bags. On Christmas, she said “I don’t like baby dolls”. After a day, I explained they are girl dolls, and she got excited about changing outfits, so we did. I had 4 of the mini-AG dolls in there (I have a lot more at home). She seems to like the mini-dolls an the story. Also had the AG book (first edition) and she likes the stories about the various dolls.
I bought one toy at FAO Schwarz in the twin cities for DD1 when she was young - it was a train inside a large glass spinning top; you pump the top to go fast, and the train goes around inside. IDK how it doesn’t work now, but it doesn’t.
I walked by FAO Schwarz in NYC but didn’t enter. I did go into Macy’s Santa spot around Christmas, up the old wooden escalators, about 22 years ago.
Before we went anywhere from the house, I had DDs go to the potty, even if they didn’t feel they needed to go. I still use that rule for myself. 
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Very surprised (shocked) that there is an optical chain America’s Best Contacts and Eyeglasses in San Antonio, where GD’s eyeglasses, 2 pairs plus optician exam/script was $79.00. (buy one get one free on the glasses; optician ‘free’ with purchase of glasses). There were some frames that were higher, $89, $99, but a pretty good selection of frames. IDK how DD1 found this place - they had multiple locations. Glasses will take 2 weeks or less to make.
Our visit is closely coming to an end. It went by fast. DD1 and SIL had a break with extra hands for childcare at home. Gkids had extra activities and fun. Nice to have the Gkids really get to know us.
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