I have my local 4 year old GD this weekend while my D and SIL go visit my son for his 40th birthday; can’t believe I have a 40 year old! Between dealing with my mother’s move to the retirement community and then her being sick the last 10 days, I could have used a weekend to hibernate, but do love having this little one. As I live in the northern burbs, and they live in town, I did ask if I could keep her here as there is no school Monday. I like staying here so I can do home stuff while she sleeps, plus I am closer to mom if needed. So I picked up GD and parents, took them to the airport, then picked my mother up from a hair appointment, stopped and got her some lunch, took her home, and now at my house while GD has quiet time. We then will head to the park for a bit. I will be ready for bed earlier tonight!
My parents kept my kids all the time if we had a weekend getaway, and they were always around to help whenever was needed. I was lucky in that I was able to be a stay at home mom, and didn’t go back to work until they went to college. On the otherhand, my in-laws had the kids spend the night once and never babysat even for a few hours. My FIL would have done anything for the kids; it was my husband’s stepmother that couldn’t be bothered with them. My kids are a good bit younger than the other GK, and I think she was just done with being there for them. She isn’t an evil person, but it was well known that she was the GM and nothing else.
I definitely am seeing the benefits for my local kids. We have started picking the oldest up at preschool one afternoon a week. We take him to the park, bring him back to our house, feed and bathe him and bring him home in time for bed. It gives his parents time alone with the new baby.it’s fun for all of us. We see lots of kids getting picked up by grandparents. I watched him one day a week till he started preschool. It gave me time with him and saved them a day of nanny costs. I will do something similar with the baby. We have another local grandchild who we watched last night while his parents went out. It benefits all of us. I have another grandchild who lives a 7 hour drive away. It’s hardest on the parents as they have no family close by. They have found a great babysitter who treats my grandchild like family but it’s not the same. We try to see them every month or so but time passes and we realize that we haven’t seen them since Thanksgiving and won’t see them till March. My daughter would love to live closer.
My older sis has had a big role in lives of all her 6 grandkids, providing 2+ days of daycare for them in turn and also helping with picking them up after school. It allows the parents to focus on their jobs and has allowed the grandkids to bond at my sister’s house. She finds it tiring but gratifying. All her kids moved back to Honolulu and the grandkids are all best friends!
Sis has been especially nurturing of her grandkids whose mom is in the process of a divorce, for obvious reasons. I’m sure her support has been invaluable. They’re all very close to the grandpa too.
SIL traveled this week and I have helped out 3 of the 4 days he has been gone. Just a few hours each time, but enough to help D get kids fed, bathed & to bed 2 nights and this morning staying with baby while she took 3 year old to Saturday morning activity. I hope it has made a difference. D & I went to an activity the previous week and SIL had to do the daycare pickup, feeding, bathing routine and texted D while we were at dinner to tell her how hard it was and that she should hire a babysitter to come help each evening while he was gone. She got a kick out of that He is coming home tomorrow and then leaves again the next day for a few more days of business travel. Guess I will be heading over to D’s house for the 5 - 7:30 helper shift again this week. Of course, big payoff is snuggles with the 5 1/2 month old GS!
When H was gone for 5 weeks and I was home with 2 very young kids it was very hard. My folks were nearby but they didn’t offer to help, nor did anyone else. It worked but I know I will offer to help in such a situation. H traveled quite a lot for weeks at a time when the kids were very young. Fortunately I was a full-time mom (not in the workforce), otherwise I’m not sure how it would have worked.
When my 3 were growing up we lived in the same neighborhood as my mom and my in laws and that was very helpful.
My daughter lives close by. Her husband’s mom moved closer. Currently my grandson (22 months) goes to daycare 9-2:30 3 days a week, I watch him one day a week and the other grandma watches him the other day.
My son and his wife live about a hour away with his wife’s parents. Her mom helps a lot with their three kids. When she travels (usually a couple days a month) I go down and help out.
I don’t want to watch any of them full time but I do love helping out.
We would love to help as well but don’t want full time. Our S says he’d like one or two kids. He just got married to a wife who wants a large family, so we shall see.
My H started med school when D was 10 months, and then we had S two years later. I did the 36 hours shifts of him being gone every three days for long stretches of time in his third and fourth years, and then that and sometimes worse when he was a resident for four and a half years. Basically single mom for years at a time. My mom and MIL were about an hour away, both full-time work (mom widowed, MIL divorced) so they could come up for emergencies, and I"d sometimes take the babies to Mom’s house for a day or two on the weekend (bonus–I could use her washer/dryer instead of my weekly schleps to laundromat.)
I honestly look back and don’t know how I got through those days with semi-sanity. I never want my D and her H to feel as stressed/exhausted as I did then.
(Sidenote: medicine is hell on families. I was glad when H quit to be a teacher instead, despite the award-winning, stellar doc he was. Just wish we’d never gone through that in the first place.)
My mom retired when my oldest was born so I could return to work. She was a full time grandmother taking care of both of my kids. My in-law were also available if needed to meet kids from school bus, etc. Kids still close with their grandma and call her daily to check on her now when she is almost 90 years old. We have our first granddaughter from my son and his wife. They both work from home so don’t need help but now when granddaughter is 11 months old they staring to resume their social activities and we get to babysit for a few hours here and there. They are talking first trip to Europe with her in the next few months and asked if I want to go with them to help them with babysitting which seems like a win win to me since I get time with my granddaughter and get to travel.
‘A large family’ takes IMHO a set of circumstances, as well as at least one parent working very hard at having the family be well as a family - nutritious meals, order, child centered learning with calm household, keeping household/clothes tidy/clean. Not necessarily doing everything one-self, but being organized, focused. Takes the income to support a larger family. Sometimes grandparents and other relatives nearby to do some spot helping out when a 2nd parent is away for work travel or is unavailable.
I have seen the older children of a large family often have few children of their own because they saw and experienced many of the limitations with a large family. Some truly raised their younger siblings in addition to chores and responsibilities way beyond what someone should be doing at home. Others have had a healthy balance of large family situation.
I go to help DD1 for a number of reasons (when SIL is out of town for extended training) - but because I choose to do so, it is enjoyable for me to be involved with them, and it is beneficial to DD1 and Gkids.
Do they not have anyone watching their baby while they work? Both my D & SIL work at home, but there’s no way they could take care of their D while working.
They don’t. My son has his own company so every thought he works long hours he can work on his schedule. DIL returned to work part time and normally spends time with GD in the morning to early afternoon when my son has most of the work
Hubby and I went on Wednesday to babysit 2 year and 5 year old granddaughters so their folks could go to a very special meet up with friends. Well. What a disaster. It’s mid-week, they are tired…2 y.o. in daycare and 5 y.o. in all day preschool so yeah they are tired to begin with. They BOTH just completely melted down crying “I want Mommy, I want Mommy…”, the kind where they go limp if you try to pick them up. I felt so bad. I tried to comfort them but they wouldn’t have it. Eventually, they calmed down. Wiped noses and gave hugs and engaged them in play. But… then…screwed up pizza order (they gave us a Buffalo chicken instead of plain cheese!!!@@) and so I had to fix a frozen one (thank goodness they had one) and I burned it!! OMG. My poor dears. We cut around the singed part and they ate and were fine then. Putting the older one to bed, she said a few times “I want Mommy and Daddy” and I said “I do, too, dear, I do, too.”
Right now GD1, age 5 1/2 is very upset the she already had her ‘turn’ to go to Disney World Magic Kingdom (1 very full day) when she was 4. GS1, now 4 1/2, is making the trip with his mom (they are flying, which GD1 did not ever do). Mom’s sis lives in Orlando, and there is a small family group there for some runs this coming Fri-Sat-Sun (5K, 10K, 1/2 Marathon). GS2 (who is now 2 1/2) will have his turn when the time comes, and finally GD2 when she is old enough. At some point the whole family will eventually go, as we did when DDs were 7 and 9.
There is some upcoming things planned with ‘fun aunt’ in March during ‘spring break’, which will smooth over the disappointment a few weeks earlier.
Sounds somewhat like our situation. No doubt you had it tougher, but it was often rough when H traveled for work or put in 60+ hours a week. About once a year, twice when I got lucky, H would take over for 24 hours while I checked into a local hotel to just relax by myself. This was part of why we moved close to our GDs.
My mom retired a few months before I had my first. She would come up early in the am, let herself in and take my daughter so we could get some sleep. I also had a younger sister and friend who lived around the corner. They saved my sanity the first year.
My son and his wife both work 95% of the time from home. They have a nanny as they can’t really work and care for an under 1 year old. The nanny also takes the baby to various therapies each week.
He is coming home tomorrow and then leaves again the next day for a few more days of business travel. Guess I will be heading over to D’s house for the 5 - 7:30 helper shift again this week. Of course, big payoff is snuggles with the 5 1/2 month old GS!