Or one can just say “I will not give a reference” and let the new employer figure out what that means. Most will figure out that it means IF you were to give a reference, it wouldn’t be a good one.
As an old boss would say "Anyone with $25 and the address of the courthouse can sue you.’ Now it would be a lot more than $25. If the nanny can’t figure out she shouldn’t be giving an employer who fired her as a reference…
I think I’d just say please do not use me as a reference. If she decides to anyway, you can say something along the lines of what was posted above—just be factual.
D1 has no flexibility with her job. Today she’s left for CA for a meeting on Monday, and is flying back Monday night. She often has client meetings and dinners in the evenings. Her H is a single parent during the week most of the time, so they have a nanny for 50+ hours a week. When the nanny is out it means her H would need to be out of work. They need someone who is more reliable. Their previous sitter never missed a day of work. She retired last year.
Having good reliable childcare was my biggest stress when my kids were young, 30+ years later it is still the same. 
Both my husband and I work full time. I “bought” a couple of weeks extra vacation (actually permission to take unpaid time off if needed) just in case kids need any extra help with their offspring. Will be taking a day off soon to accomplish daycare closure due to low staffing because of a religious holiday some employees are taking off. The parents are not getting any $$ back even though it is a not previously planned closure. This kid works for a startup that doesn’t have paid vacation. Big kid is lucky because her kids go to an excellent private daycare.
Few weeks ago GD1 came down with some sort of virus. She had a low grade fever for few days and she was not allowed to go to her pre-school. She is out of school now for 2 weeks spring break. They will have Easter off and then 3 months summer break. D1 is goi g to need a nanny for quite some time.
My nieces are lucky—their mom & dad are willing and able to fill most gaps caused by school holidays. A side benefit is that the cousins are able to gather & spend time together at their home.
DD1 has found summer help which will start in June - she will be able to do some remote work part-time with her VA nursing job after she takes 6 weeks’ maternity leave. Due to some important research work she is involved with (which coordinates with the staff training she does), her boss helped her with having the bases covered with all she included with the request form, and it was approved. She told me she submitted her ‘five things done in her last work week’ - I guess the VA has ‘caught up’ with having that task submitted by employees.
With baby #3 and baby #4, she could see what parts of her job easily could have had the temporary remote situation which would have been better for her health.
Now she will be able to breast feed (and pump extra) during the summer and when she does go back on-site full time, she can hopefully continue to breast feed at home and pump enough until baby is weaned (versus drying up and then having to use formula 100%). She is glad the baby formula shortage issue is getting addressed so parents do not have to worry about that again nor pay outrageous $$ for formula. She had a bit of the scarcity going on with GS2 (who is now 3 1/2).
The gal for the summer hours/weeks that she has found is working as a CNA in a nursing home but wants to get into being a nanny. DD1 is getting her credentialed for military daycare/homecare approval (she already has the CPR training) and that will get her available for more jobs outside of the window DD1 has her working. She was a sister of a friend. DD1 has worked in the pay for her commute to DD1’s home and has worked out having the employer pay situation. The older two kids don’t want to go to the day care camp, so DD1 has other activities for them to be transported to. This nanny can then take care of the baby over the hours DD1 is doing her remote working. SIL will be doing all the extra kid transportation and other outside tasks that DD1 has been managing. He depends on her a lot.
Some summer weeks SIL has paternity care time (he has 12 weeks and takes them in one-week increments). The older 3 kids go to school in the fall starting Aug 1. The younger 2 (21 month and 3 1/2 YO) will go to daycare continuous through the summer and then GS2 converts from daycare to 4K at the school (where the older two will be in first grade and second grade). The baby will go to daycare starting Sept 1 with the now 21 month old, and Sept 1 is DD1’s return to FT work date.
Win-win with having the baby home longer. With the due date March 25, DD1 thinks this one is a boy; the girls came before due dates (3 days before and 7 days before). Since this is a ‘tie breaker’ (having 2 boys and 2 girls) they wanted to be surprised at birth with the sex of the baby.
GS2 had a face bruising injury last week - playing too active/rough with the older two kids in one of the bedrooms, hitting the bunk bed ladder. Last night GS1 was supposed to go to right to bed after he finished reading with Nana, but was playing with a toy car at his bedside and somehow fell forward and hit the bridge of his nose hard (between his eyes) on the room’s low play table and needed to get a stitch at ER last night. Bled droplets from the bedroom down the stairs - I told SIL that DD1 and I would not be cleaning it up until this morning, and he took the initiative to spot treat all the blood off the carpet last night. I was still finishing up laundry and by that time was exhausted. DD1 rested/slept a lot on Sunday but prepared a good family meal (fajitas). I took care of all the kids including lunch while SIL cleaned out the second car and also put in a new car seat (so he can transport 3 kids). After dinner, I was busy doing all kinds of things while he sat and did the minimum. DD1 had a dressing on the wound after getting the bleeding stopped, and she took him to ER. They returned about 11:30 pm and DD1 said she got to bed at 1 am. I drove the two ‘littles’ to daycare and GD1 to school. DD1 emailed the teacher about GS1 being out today, and he can make up his school work and also other things. The school is having standardized testing this week and he will have a test make up session on Friday.
The younger 3 went to the dentist this morning - first time for GD2. I got the younger two back to daycare before their lunch time (which is 11 am) - so they were ‘back on schedule’. GS1 got to go out to lunch with his mom and me. I can spoil DD1 a little. GS1 has to stay quiet about his ‘treat’ with lunch out (not say anything to the other kids). His dental visit was more involved, and he got a matchbox kind of car - he also just needed to put it with the other similar metal toy cars at home and not say anything to GS2 who got a plastic car from the dental office.
Phew—what a busy life with 4 young kids. Thank goodness grandma is there to help!
My youngest is lucky her preschool closes for just the major holidays. She isn’t ready to totally give up the nanny since she feels she will need her once her daughter goes to kindergarten for afterschool care.
My other daughter has to find care for the different breaks the preschool takes. They follow the same calendar as the public schoolsfor spring break and Christmas/new year. Luckily they only close for one week at the beginning of the summer.
Both my daughters have flexible schedules and while it’s a challenge they can take time off as needed for sickness. One son-in-law travels for work which is challenging. My son also travels for work which is hard on his spouse. I was a stay at home parent for many years and my husband worked locally which made life easier.
I assume your daughter gets 12 weeks of maternity leave as a federal employee, not 6? Is she saving 6 for later, or does VA do things differently?
Yes, with her first she had 6 weeks maternity leave and had saved up 6 weeks of regular leave. Then federal workers were given 12 weeks of maternity leave, so she has had that with #2 and on. SIL re-joined the military before #4, so he received 12 weeks paternity leave (and also has it with his active-duty status now with #5).
DD1 is very organized and works hard to stay on top of everything. The after-school activities and guiding homework and learning are going to be what would require extra attention (Nana and Grandpa). The older 3 kids are in Tball (2 boys) and softball (oldest girl), which is at the same location with 2 practices, Tues/Wed and Tues/Thur, with games on weekends. This makes it even busier. SIL is actively coaching on the team that needs him on that evening or for those games.
There was a fund-raiser photo taking service after church on Sunday, and DD1 scheduled a time, which worked out for the kids all being dressed nicely and mostly cooperated with photos. Before they went to the session, another mom made a comment about ‘super-mom’ being on top of it with having the appointment (that family had two kids with the younger one being the one that needed active parenting - and she didn’t realize one could schedule an appointment).
DD1’s ‘saving’ thing is having the leave time like active-duty military. More than I had in private industry.
No longer needed.
Busy day here.
GS had major meltdown about going to preschool. His sisters --who attend a different school-- are on spring break this week. He figures of they don’t have to go to schools, neither does he.
He was loaded into the car still screaming in protest.
A bit later, D1, who had been complaining of being sick w/ fever and cold-like symptoms for the couple of days, took a dramatic turn for the worse and ASKED to be taken to the local ER. (An ER doc asking to be taken to the ER is a VERY bad sign…) She’d diagnosed herself with potential life-threatening condition. So her husband cancelled his college lecture class and took her. I stayed with the twins; made dinner for later; ordered, picked up and put away groceries; fed kids snack and lunch; supervised outside play; did a couple of loads of wash; and will take girls and go pick up GS in an hour. I may taken them all to the park so they can run around and get their crazies out before dinner. (It’s why I made dinner earlier-- homemade broccoli cheddar soup with baguette, sliced cucumber salad, ice cream for dessert. Nothing fancy but everyone gets fed.)
D1 is indeed quite ill. Fortunately she got to the hospital soon enough that she didn’t need to be intubated. (At least so far. It’s still a possibility.) She’s been admitted, is on IV fluids, IV steroids and 2 different IV antibiotics, and is waiting on a specialist ENT consult. Meanwhile she’s trying to talk them out of sending her to the ICU–though physicians get nervous about the condition she has because it can go bad very quickly. She will be in the hospital for at least one night, more likely 2-3.
I was supposed to have some major dental work done tomorrow morning, but I’ve already cancelled that appointment.
It’s so lucky you are there! I hope D1 is better soon.
I’m so sorry! Keeping fingers and toes crossed for your daughter’s recovery. 
Can you share what ailment she’s got??
Oh my, she has to be feeling really bad. I’m sure you must be very concerned. 
that things get better soon
So sorry your D is so ill and I’m sure it’s a great comfort to her and husband that you are there to keep things running! Hope your D fully recovers pronto!
Oh my! I hope your D recovers soon.
Glad you were there to deal with the grands. This must be stressful for everyone.
Wow - I hope she’s OK fairly quickly. Sounds scary.
They are lucky to have you, and great work “under pressure.” She’s still your “kid” and you can’t help but worry, if you’re anything like me. Please come back and let us know how she’s doing.