<p>I myself was fascinated with the separate bathroom thing, because I grew up in a PA home that had clearly been built with “help” in mind. Tiny bathroom at the end of a long hall off the kitchen that we never used and would not consider for guests of our own social class, since there were better options, front and back staircases, and cramped bedrooms for live-in help in the attic. I never thought of this as a racial thing but as a class distinction, and I suppose that was the difference. </p>
<p>For a number of years, my family employed an African American woman from the south as a housekeeper (that was how we referred to her), and in looking back, I realize that she always used the “help” bathroom and the back stairs, and kept a uniform at our house that she changed into for work hours. During that period, most families (including African American families) in our neighborhood employed domestic help, and most of the help were African Americans from the south.</p>
<p>Our housekeeper was a single mother whose daughters were nearly grown. We spent lots of time hanging out with her and learning to do chores and such, while our mother did volunteer work, took classes, and later worked as a teacher. (Mom was involved in the women’s movement and did not do housework or cooking during those years.) We called our housekeeper by her first name during the late fifties and early sixties, a time when children did not address adults by first names, at least not where we lived. </p>
<p>I went to school with girls whose mothers knew our housekeeper socially, and they referred to her as our cook, and did not refer to her by first name. At some point during the sixties, our housekeeper retired and was replaced by a caucasian woman who was also a single mother. We were older by then and did not develop a close relationship with this new woman, and by then it was common for young people to call adults by first names no matter their status. This housekeeper also used the “help” bathroom and back stairs.</p>
<p>After we left home, our mother took over the cooking and hired “cleaning ladies” to come in a few hours a week to clean and do laundry.</p>
<p>As a SAHM, I have done all my own housekeeping. As the parent of a child with classic autism, all childcare had to be expensive “respite” care, hard to come by until my other children were old enough to watch their brother for short periods. (Autistic child now in his twenties and in a group home.) But I suppose that’s another story for another book.(I truly wish someone would write the stories of mothers of children with the type of autism that comes with severe MR and extreme behaviors.)</p>