The Honor Was Mine...

Parent Cafe
1

Have you ever had an experience where you sought to do something for someone, and found the act gave as much to you (and more) to you as you sought to extend a kindness?

I recently met a new immigrant to this country who exhibits the much vaunted fortitude, perseverance and determination of old. I sought to make her day a bit easier, and in doing so, she has reminded me of so much.

I see my mother’s smile in hers. I see my much younger self eyeing a future I thought I could craft just because I turned 18. I am reminded of the power in a simple smile, an extended hand, a shared moment of laughter

Have you known such moments?.

2

I recently offered a ride to a woman I saw walking late in the evening. I had passed her twice as I completed what I needed to do, and then finally saw her once again as I got gas in the center of town. She was still headed somewhere, but this time picking up speed and looking close to frazzled.

When I approached her, she indicated there was a cab waiting somewhere for her (though I did not understand where). I gave her my number and told her to call me if she should find that needs a ride again.

She called a few days later, and as I have taken her to the same spot each day this week, we have talked and both understood and misunderstood each other.

She walks to a cab to take her to a rendezvous point(where I dropped her off) in the next city where a co-worker picks her up and drives to work. After work, the co-worker drives her back to the rendezvous point, and she takes two buses to a terminal point for the line, the border for that city and mine. She then walks 5.3 miles back to her home. (I looked up the distance from the landmark she gave me to the house where I picked her up.)

I was blown away when she told me all that she does to get to work and back.

She has been in this country for seven months and is taking English and math classes. She has a few plans she shared with me for where she wants to take her life, and I know she will meet her goals.

I showed up one morning and stood near my vehicle at her final bus stop before she began her long walk.

When she saw me, she was in disbelief. Her mouth flew open, and she said over and over again, her eyes wide as she realized she would not need to make her usual trek, “Nooo…noo…not you. Not here. Noo…noo…” she shrieked as she walked toward me.

I just smiled at her and asked how she is feeling, then walked over and opened the passenger door for her.

She was very surprised, but grateful for the kindness.

At first glance, it looks like I am doing the favor for her, but I am so taken with her, the honor is mine.

3

Nothing too huge, but recently I was on a crowded jetway to board a flight. Behind me was a woman holding a very fussy baby. I turned around and she had a look like, “OMG, here comes the snarky comment!” But I offered to hold her carry-on and baby bag for her so she could have both hands free to deal with the baby. She was incredibly grateful in an outsized way for what I thought was a simple gesture of everyday politeness. She did mention that she’s used to getting cranky looks from fellow travelers due to the baby, though.

4

“She was incredibly grateful in an outsized way for what I thought was a simple gesture of everyday politeness.”

I’ve found that so often we can have the thought, and then tell ourselves we must not intrude on the next person’s space, and so do not follow the thought or impulse.

Maybe you will have started a trend, @anomander…

5

It IS such a kindness when you are able to help an overly-taxed parent so they have more resources to deal with a tired and stressed youngster. It will be a better world when more folks return to simple kindnesses like this. When I have the energy and am seated by youngsters, I will sometimes make them little origami items for their amusement and give them to the adult who is tending them. It’s just a tiny way of trying to lighten the load. :wink: I remember those l-o-n-g days, as we traveled 5+ hour flights with our kids since they were 6 months old!

6

Random acts of kindness. I love 'em!

7

Not a parent, but I recently gave up my seat on the bus to a very tired looking and downtrodden woman, who proceeded to sit down and have a good cry. I found out that she had been fired that morning. Standing there for over an hour was worth giving her a short break for once that day because even at the age of 17, I know what it’s like to have your whole world dark and depressing.

8

Not exactly random, but our family sponsored a family of refugees this year and it has been a joy for us to see them settle in their new home country. Seeing the kids play in snow for the first time this winter, see how they have progressed so well in school, and now in the hot weather having them over to swim in a pool for the first time. It has been so gratifying for us to be part of this process of accepting and settling 25,000 refugees, and knowing that they are tremendously thankful to be here and leading a normal life for the first time in years. Becoming a part of the community, donating their own time to help the newer arrivals, they are amazing people. It warms my heart.

9

There need be no qualification of the impetus for the kindness.

I just call these instances kindness, an extension of self, no matter how we have come to make contact with that other person or persons; no matter to what degree we are able to share of ourselves.

@alwaysamom: I met two women recently who are part of a group which sponsors refugees. They were shopping for “Everything - from the ground up,” one of them told me as she selected items at a resale store. I think that work is incredible.

10

I helped a fellow CC parent locate mental health services in my area for her child who will be attending a university not far from me. I know how daunting it feels to send your child so far away with limited support . I’m glad that I could do a little to help put another parent’s mind at ease .

11

Ya, I finished work early and was driving to gym. I d cid d to go ,check out a former patient at an SNF. Well, he had fallen leaving bathroom. I got staff to get him up, check that he was OK, etc, everyone benefitted. Then his daughter came for a visit. I’m sure she was happy he wasn’t on the floor.

12

SNF?

13

Skilled nursing facility?

14

About 12-14 years ago I was waiting in a long line at McDonalds (yup, McDonalds), with my son, about 6-8 years old. The teen/young adult cashier was being very rude to some Muslim children who had come back to the counter for something (straws, ketchup, something like that). Everyone stood silently, and there were a lot of people there. I was in the back of the line and I said that she needed to stop speaking to the children that way. No one else said a thing, but she did stop right away. I would have left but I was getting my son McDonalds for a treat for some reason. So I had to stay and order from her and stand in line with all those people who wouldn’t stand up. But I felt great because I had shown my son what one should do when someone is being a bully.

On our way to the car a car pulled up to us. The father of the children opened his window and thanked me.

It is something I will always remember, that feeling of standing up for someone when no one else did. And doing it in front of my son. And making that man so happy.

15

A portion of my practice is heavily discounted based on need; I charge 20% of my usual fee. I spent just a couple of hours with one of these students this month. I coached him on how to disclose university discipline to the employer that had given him a job offer. The upshot is that his employer has decided to preserve the offer and let him start next year. He is happy; the employer is happy; I’m thrilled for him. I definitely got a great return on my investment of time in this student!

16

Beautiful, waiting2exhale and all of you. Thank you.

17

A boy in our neighborhood set himself on fire intentionally when he was a young teen. His parents were divorced, and his mom had custody. She struggled financially, and when this happened, it really hit me. This happened around Christmas, and I knew she wouldn’t be able to do much for her 3 kids for the holidays. I put several hundred dollar bills in an envelope and put them in her mailbox one day after the mail had been delivered. I didn’t want her to know it came from me … I just wanted to let her know that people care.

18

I remember we were at the local shopping mall. Our young kids (I believe they were 6 and 8 years old) saw some older kids opening some holiday gifts and just throwing the paper all over the ground. My kids went up to them and said, “You have to pick that up and throw it away where it belongs,” and then gave them the eye until they did. Those kids were at least 5-10 years older than my kids. I was surprised but very pleased with my kids.

19

This is a wonderful thread. Thank you for sharing all your stories. So uplifting.

20

I have lived in our community for a longtime as one of the original owners. I have seen neighbors move in and out over the years. About 1 1/2 year ago a nice young family with two little boys (ages 1 and 3) moved next door to me on my floor. Most neighbors are busy doing their own thing. Some say hello on the elevator and some ignore you.
This young woman always had a smile on her face and I never saw her get upset, angry, or impatient with her active boys. She was always cheerful and during the holidays she baked cookies and shared them with the neighbors.

She had expected that she would stay here 3 or 4 years but her husband’s job transferred out of state so they are moving very faraway to the west coast. When she told me a few weeks ago I was happy for her but was sad to hear that they were moving away. I had gotten used to hearing the boys in the hallway early in the morning or seeing their car parked in their spot in the garage. This evening they all came over and spent some time with us and to say their goodbyes. She thanked me for all that we had done for her family and honestly I don’t know what I did for her.
I have heard that people come into our lives sometimes for a reason or for a season, or to teach us a lesson.
She is someone that I will miss because when I was going through my own challenges seeing her cheerful uplifted me.
I don’t think she realized how much her presence made a positive impact on my life. She would just stop by to talk and we just clicked as friends. I am a bit introverted so it was so nice to be able to talk so freely with her. Seeing her young children I remember how it was as a new mother and what it was like when I was her age. She is so full of life. So fully of energy. Even if I didn’t see her everyday just knowing they were right next door was very comforting. Tomorrow after she leaves it is going to get very quiet and when I look at her parking spot their car will no longer be there. I hope we can continue this friendship even from a distance. They say you are lucky if you find true friends or people who really make an impact on your life. She was one of those people who left a lasting impression. She was so wise beyond her years and often she would take interest in what my dd was studying in college and give her advice on classes to take. She is expecting her 3rd son in September and I hope that we continue to keep in touch and give each other updates. Seeing her with her family reminded me that there are some really nice people in this world and being around her family I felt positive energy that was contagious. I have friends who I have known for years but I don’t think anyone has made such an impression as this young lady who is wise beyond her years has made on me. We had meaningful conversations about life that I never had with my longtime friends. I truly learned a lot about the person I want to be and how I want to live my life. I imagine one week at her new home she will have made a bunch of new friends in her new neighborhood. She was just very inspiring.