My grad school kid still has a couple little desk tchotchkes I sent her freshman year in a care package. One is a mini Stonehenge and the other was a puzzle that looks like a brightly colored bug. And I baked her favorite cookies.
Our kids are long gone. But I am a wallower and understand your pain.
Two thought to try(?) to make things feel better:
- you miss them because they are decent kids… job well done
- birds are meant to fly … my first birdie had to circle back home (actually twice) … that’s a much tougher situation.
On the subject of care packages, I’m probably going overboard. But here’s where I’m starting:
- Her college borders "Main Street" with a number of small local restaurants. I went online, got a list, and printed out menus. I put them into page protectors, added in $40, and put the folder in with her school supplies. She and her roommate can walk off campus for breakfast or dinner once or twice.
- Once I got her address on campus, I placed an order through amazon for one of their variety snack packs, to be delivered next Monday (we drop her off on Thursday.) I figure there should be enough junk food for the girls to share with others on their floor.
Over the next months she’ll get the occasional package from the Popcorn factory, Halloween candy, and other similar packages.
For my kids’ first care packages at college, I sent them Halloween decorations so they could decorate their rooms with very cool stuff, and I also sent them a ton of Halloween candy so people could trick or treat at their rooms. It was a very popular care package and my daughters have kept their decorations after graduation.
((Hugs)) to everyone. As others have said it gets better as you adjust to the new normal, but there will be times when missing them hits you unexpectedly.
I just wanted to share something my wonderful husband did. My husband is a planner. We have two kids…the older one (daughter) “launched” a year ago, the other (son) is graduating college in May 2019.
Anyway, as soon as my husband learned our son’s internship dates for this summer, he asked our daughter if she could take a one week vacation with us…I think this occurred in late Fall 2017. (There was a two week window between our son’s last day on the job and moving back on campus.). She is a consultant and requested and got approval for the time off.
Well, the result was a wonderful one week vacation with just the 4 of us. We left Chicago on a Friday evening for Vancouver. Spent a relaxing day there (which included a food tour) and on Sunday went on a 7-day Alaska cruise.
We’ve always been a fairly frugal family and the 4 of us stayed in one cabin. Was it challenging? Yes, one bathroom for 4 adults is as difficult as it sounds, especially if you know how cramped cruise ship cabins are. But the close proximity, pleased this mom.<< huge understatement! We laughed that it was our family’s form of “roughing” it.
The reason I’m sharing our experience is because we realized that this may be one of our last vacations with just “us”. It was wonderful hanging out together, working out together, and exploring together. I loved the 1 to 1.5 hour dinners where you talk…about stuff, not just catching up since the last time we got together.
There’s a lot more I could share about the trip, but I’ll close with “my husband is a genius”. 
The absolute best care packages include things the kids can’t get themselves, such as their mother’s homemade food. If you’re not into baking, send things they can’t afford on their own, or just wouldn’t spend their money on.
For those that haven’t dropped off yet, when you’re on your way out of town (and needing to be distracted by the tears welling in your eyes…) stop at a couple local places and pick up gift cards. A coffee shop, bakery, restaurant - anyplace your child would enjoy splurging on a treat. Send one of these every so often with a note or card and you’ll be loved. I often did this with a popular ice cream place near D2’s school. Would send enough on the card so that her and her roommates could all go after dinner one evening.
Senior year we arranged for a local bakery to deliver a birthday cake to D.
Dropped my D off on Sunday, officially an empty nester. Just reading these made me close my office door, turn my chair towards the window and have a good ol cry. Sigh…
@AlmostThere2018 you summed it up for me. I’m right there with you.
Thank you to those who have suggested care packages.
Just dropped of my daughter to school the day after she got back from 2 months in Indonesia. Last year she was in Southeast Asia 9/12 months for school and personal travel. She prepacked before leaving and we washed her backpack full of clothes when she got back. She is transferring to a new school also. She was Jett lagged and around 3:00 pm the day or orientation, she just said. You guys need to leave, I need to sleep. She wasn’t going to the rest of orientation. She will meet her suite mates when she wakes up and never really an issue for her.
. My son goes Wednesday and going over lists and things he will need now. Seems like new pants are in order for sophomore year. Don’t they ever stop growing) :.
My only advice is when they call in a panic and they will… Is to listen. Just listen… Don’t try to solve every problem for them. Just listen… Try to refer them to the appropriate place to get help themselves. Sometimes keeping a list of the departments at school is helpful.
My son called really earlier on last year, since he couldn’t get into a certain class that he really needed. So we quickly stated. “Heh, doesn’t your advisor know something about that?” Lol… He called us back an hour later telling us he… On his own… he talked to his advisor and she refered him to the website get on the waitlist and she also told him to reach out to the professor and the professor got right back to him and he was in the class… Or something like that. Like it was his idea… Ha…
The whole first week something new and exciting seemed to happen and we just would say… “Heh, isn’t there a department at school for that?”
I think they just need to build the confidence up to solve issues themselves with a little guidance. It was also great for him the more introverted one or used to be introverted one, since it got him reaching out and talking to multiple people to solve some issue. He is on automatic now and knows the channels to solve his own issues now. He doesn’t tell us that stuff anymore… Not sure which way I like it more… Lol.
So again when the roommate sucks, or there is too much homework or the pass curve was crazy… Classes are so much harder then high school or they feel anxious or depressed or they need to workout to relive stress /pressure or they actually call you to tell you something minute… Just listen! If you feel they need extra help there are multiple places on campus for them to get the help they need but let them do it!!
@knowstuff – This is great advice. Thank you!
It especially rings true because we parents don’t know the solutions because we aren’t there and don’t have full context. So clarity around being the listener-in-chief and a referral service is great. I know from my professional world around higher ed that students seeking help is often 75% of the battle so it’s a really valuable contribution to get them to do that!
@AlmostThere2018 we as parents and especially me want to make our kids feel safe. I also research like everything and can mostly just tell them who to contact and where. I have to resist the temptation to solve their problems! But after they tackle a few issues on their own it is amazing to me how much they grow and how much more confident they are now in school. We hear about the “issues” after the fact now, not before.
I just put in his last load of laundry before he leaves for college at the end of this weekend. Very nostalgic feeling! And last night, after his dad and I stood in his room and said goodnight to him, as we always do, the two of us just sat and hugged, stunned that he will not be sleeping in his room just a few nights from now.
It was fun this summer going through the checklist of independence and teaching him all he did not know: how to do laundry, fold clothes, make a bed, use an ATM machine, fry an egg, etc. He has always been independent about things like schoolwork- the last time I checked if he did his homework he was in second grade! And he is a capable leader in extracurriculars and in his job as a camp counselor, and he has been driving himself everywhere for over a year since he got his driver’s license. But we did all the grunt work so he could concentrate on the important stuff. My parents and my husband’s parents did the same for us back in the day. So now he has learned all those daily tasks that come with adulthood!
I remember the excitement of feeling like I was “playing at being an adult” when I went to college and took care of things like laundry and banking. I actually felt like being an adult was all a great game all the way through the first years of marriage and home ownership. I did not feel like a “real” adult, just like someone playing the part of one, until I was a parent!
It is all a great adventure for him. I know he is ready and will have fun. But the house will never be the same without him in it!
Well said, @TheGreyKing. Good luck this next week!!
My D has done a lot of the ‘independence’ things for a while now, but I did laugh when she called me from the bank a week b4 she left for college b/c she didn’t know how to fill out a deposit slip for a check. (She doesn’t have checks for her account, of course, so she had to use the blank one at the bank.)
I mean, not surprising in the world of Venmo and all, but I thought it was pretty funny. She was honestly flummoxed and once I walked her through it I said, “Well, if you can deposit a check I guess you’re ready for anything college throws at you!”
“I mean, not surprising in the world of Venmo and all, but I thought it was pretty funny. She was honestly flummoxed and once I walked her through it I said, “Well, if you can deposit a check I guess you’re ready for anything college throws at you!”
My daughter recently mentioned to my mother that she doesn’t have checks and hasn’t been to a bank since the day before she left for college 5 years ago. My mom asked her how she deposits the checks she sends her. My daughter said “ through my phone app.” My mother was flummoxed not realizing that at most banks now you can just take a picture of the check to deposit it. My daughter also told her that no she doesn’t need checks because she Vemos her friends and that the bank will send a hard copy chevk to anyone through online bill pay if they can’t be paid electronically.
This is really funny to me. My kids deposit the same way. We took my daughter to the bank to talk to the youngish bank person and they talked to her about establishing credit with her own credit card. It was like they were talking in code… Ha… But when my daughter buys something she gets an alert to pay for it right away instead of waiting for a monthly statement. She has a system that she can be consistent at. I guess things are just so much easier now with various apps. We pay almost all our bills online but I still like paper.
A colleague of mine got a panicked call from her freshman kid yesterday. There’s some sort of internship program that she’s applying for and they don’t accept online applications… so she printed the forms, filled them out, and had ABSOLUTELY no clue how to mail them… the kid had never been to a post office, ever. She was actually calling from the post office and was too embarrassed to approach a clerk without knowing what to ask for! I found that situation kind of incredible.
@cameo43 That’s surprising. Did her child not ever send a thank you note? I always made my kids write thank yous and mail them.