<p>I agree with paying3tuitions. While I would not do as these grandparents are doing with an age cut off (assuming it may be that), it would be better to be informed so your son doesn’t wonder. That is why I would bring it to your in-laws attention and first say you thought they might want to know in case it was a mistake and then if they say it wasn’t and offer up a reason and it is an age cut off, thank them for the response and say you just want all the grandkids to know that, rather than wondering if there was some other reason. It is their right to do this, even though lots of us would not do the same.</p>
<p>And if the grandparents are intentional, you have another card to play: ask all the kids in the family if they’d like to redistribute the money to include their oldest brother. For a few dollars apiece, they can express something to one another.</p>
<p>Mstee- my parents stop Bday and Christmas gifts for grandkids and great grandkids at age 25, so that may be what it is. I am not sure what I think, the oldest two grandkids (one near 40) had not really been in any one’s lives, not much contact with them so it made sense, but the next one to reach 25 is more involved and it would have been a natural to continue with him, but Mom does not want to be unfair to the older ones.</p>
<p>On the intentional vs error thing:</p>
<p>One year my in-laws sent no one a check or gift card as they usually do, but they had purchased a digital camera for me in the fall and i believed were counting that as our family gift.</p>
<p>That next spring/suumer FIL berating me for not teaching manners to all my kids as only one had sent a thank you note for the past Christmas- I explained to him that none of the kids had sent a note, as he had sent no gifts. In subsequent searching their separate cards & checks were found packed in a briefcase and never mailed.</p>
<p>Funny though, the kid they said had mailed a note is the one they always think has the best manners- so does she, or is it how they see her, since they even imagine a note when she does not write one- that being said, I do admit she is the most thoughtful of my kids, but not far ahead of one sibling…the other one ends up looking bad due to procrastination sometimes :(</p>
<p>Well, in my family the money Christmas gift age limit is age 18; my kids didn’t get any cash from anyone once they turned 18. And I was thrilled with the relatives who made a donation to the Heifer Project of all the money they usually spent, because I thought that was a better idea than some junk. </p>
<p>$25 is a lot of money too. I get that you think it’s not… but I defy you to shell out $25 in cash to each of your kids and not feel like you’ve spent some real money.</p>
<p>To me, I’ll be honest, you sound just a bit greedy.</p>
<p>
Blushing to admit this here - but I’m 52 years old, and until recently still received Christmas and birthday gifts from my grandmother, as did her other 7 grandchildren. She’s still fully with it at age 95, and only stopped with her holiday checks because one of my cousins became seriously ill and lost her job. Grandma called each of us to let us know that she’d be giving our gifts to the cousin, since she needed them more. Of course, this was fine with all of us! It felt soooo odd to know there was a $50 check from Grandma in the Christmas or birthday card envelope when many of us qualify for AARP membership. But Grandma wanted to do it - she told me once how much she looked forward to spending an afternoon filling out the cards, and the checks, for her 2 daughters, 8 grandchildren, and 15 great-grandchildren. She’s not well-off, either. But I think she cherishes continuing the tradition, and I hope I can do the same thing someday.</p>
<p>One thing I know I won’t be able to do is reel off, from memory, the birthdates of all my descendants. But Gram still can, at going on 96. She’s amazing. :)</p>
<p>I think it’s perfectly appropriate to ask if this was an error. However, you also must explain to them first why it took so long to open the envelopes - they may have been expecting a call from the grandchildren. Did the children who got the checks call and thank their grandparents, or write a note? Or was there silence? </p>
<p>Is is also possible that your oldest forgot to thank them one year? I know some grandparents who didn’t get thanked for gifts so stopped sending checks; then they got their call! Not accusing, but possible?</p>
<p>If it was intentional, and it’s an age thing (and even if it’s not), then you have one response. “Oh. OK. Just wanted to know.” Do not tell them your feelings about it. It’s their money and they have the absolute right to send whatever they want to whomever they want, and nothing to others. If it begins to affect the relationship with the grandchild, and they ask about it, then you can tell them. Your son, even poor, is an adult and he needs to get over the “fairness” issue all by himself.</p>
<p>My grandmother also knew the birthdays of everyone in the family by heart. She had 12 grandchildren. This was her system. She would send a card with a check in it for the number of your birthday: for a tenth birthday she would send $10, for a nineteenth birthday, she would send $19, etc. For the 21st birthday, a biggie, she would send $100. The cards arrived like clockwork.</p>
<p>When I turned twenty, she made an unprecedented mistake and sent me $100! She miscounted and thought I was turning 21. </p>
<p>The grandkids all liked this system. It was more about the symbolism of being remembered and less about getting a lavish gift.</p>
<p>Anyway, in response to the OP, if your husband doesn’t want to pursue this with his parents, then let it go. It would be more proper for him to approach them than you, the daughter-in-law. They already gave a charity gift to the family and then sent personal checks to the kids in addition. I’d say they gave this a lot of thought. If the giftees bring it up later, for instance, because they never received a thank you note from the 25 year old and the “missing” check was in fact an error, you or your son can explain then.</p>
<p>I was going to say the same thing as Chedva - my MIL did that to one of our nephews. He had neglected to thank her for gifts she had sent to him, plus he didn’t call/send gifts to her for any holiday. To her credit and his surprise, she did let him know ahead of time.</p>
<p>If it were my family member, I would most likely ask (we’re all a bit absent-minded, so it wouldn’t be the first time). If it was someone on H’s side, I would let him handle it as he saw fit.</p>
<p>Soozie, your post #21 gets to the point – just ask for an explanation so the kids don’t wonder. I think Washdad had the same practical advice. Just ask. That’s what I think I want to do. Want to word it so as not to sound “just a bit greedy” (as per dmd). That’s why I hesitate. It is hard to ask about something like this without sounding ungrateful or greedy.</p>