We are a product of our upbringing and that’s imperfect. I just am over here trying to get better. There is worse than being wrong.
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I know what you mean, but wow. It’s kind of hard to be accused of slapping, violence, and “deranged behavior.” Maybe with time I can forgive him, but it’s not going to happen quickly.
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We talked to S for 45 minutes. Wow. We really are the worst parents on earth. He said he doesn’t want “apologies or compliments,” but he expects us to take the initiative to “heal the relationship.” DH agreed to seeing a mediator for three sessions. I agreed, reluctantly, but drew the line at being the person to find the mediator. Good grief. One condition I’m going to insist on is that S sign a release form for the counselor to talk to his former psychiatrist. If we’re going to be accused of terrible things, I think the full story needs to be known.
I’m not even inclined to be “cordial” at this point. 
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I’m so sorry. I was hopeful that things would be more positive and your son would be more constructive. It sounds to me that he just wanted to rant, be angry and didn’t want to heal. Or hear you.
This is very unfortunate. I’m so sorry.
Is he seeing a counselor? Because it sounds like that’s what he needs. I don’t know but maybe that’s a condition before you agree to mediation. This sounds like more than a simple he remembers things differently.
I’d rethink not finding a mediator because I feel that you need someone who will listen to both sides and I’m not sure if I would trust your son to do that.
I guess that you and your husband need to figure out how to proceed and protect your mental health. Because this sounds off the rails behavior. In my opinion from what you’ve said.
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Thank you! We mentioned getting a therapist, and he rather smugly smiled and said, “Oh, I’ve had one at times. That’s why I can speak to you like this.”
I agreed to the mediator, but I didn’t want to be the person responsible for finding one. DH is going to do it.
I was up most of the night. Ugh.
At least I had a good session with my former counselor - almost 90 minutes. He gave me some good advice. He thinks family counseling (not with him because he’s Christian and DS doesn’t want that) is a good idea. But he said we need more time to process everything and we should hold off for awhile. He said we need to get to the point where we’re not defensive when we talk and we quit thinking of him as a “little s” all the time. Ha! I showed him my notes from our phone call and that’s exactly what I wrote more than once on my pad of paper.
I composed a note for DS and ran it by DH and DD. With their approval, I sent it to him, and he said that’s fine. I guess we’re still going to Poland. Our pastor, this counselor, and my daughter think we should. It’s still six aways, so hopefully I won’t be so raw by then.
It’s DH’s birthday today. I hope DS sends him birthday wishes.
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Sorry you were up most of the night. It sounds like you have a plan and that’s good. Although I usually don’t endorse involving siblings, since your son did, I think it was a wise choice.
Yes, my daughter knows her brother so well that I appreciated her input.
Up at 2am. I doze in late evening and if I wake up, say at 1 am on the couch, and move to the bed, I cannot get back to sleep. This is a pattern. It is ridiculous the way I rush to bed hoping to stay sleepy. I then lie in bed doing Reiki and going through tai chi movements in my head to no avail. Back up at 2. Hoping to be sleepy by 5 for another hour or two. If I can get 5 hours total I am functional. I need two more hours. Ugh.
edited typo made due to lack of sleep!
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This breathing and counting trick helps me
“ If you wake up in the middle of the night, don’t get up (unless you really have to pee). Instead, lie on your back and do 10 rounds of 4-7-8 breathing (inhaling for four seconds, holding it for seven and exhaling for eight). Then count backward from 300 by threes. The breaths slow your heart rate, while the math keeps your mind from racing. It works so well, it’s like taking an Ambien.”
–Michael Breus, Sleep specialist and author of “Sleep Drink Breathe”
@Hippobirdy problem is falling asleep on the couch. I have to move to bed to save my back.
Interesting, but counting back by three seems like it would cause more activation of cognitive processing. After deep breathing, consider using guided imagery, visualizing yourself in places that are very peaceful and enjoyable, and imagining the sun warming your skin, etc. it’s a far more passive cognitive process and should help to Facilitate sleep
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I find that there are quite a few podcasts for relaxation, meditation and falling asleep. There’s also the app called calm, there’s another that I can’t remember the name of.
I find them helpful
Insight Timer is another app with meditation and relaxation
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Ha, that could definitely be me.
The VA has an insomnia app.
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Wide awake for a couple of hours now. 
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I procrastinate going to bed because I am afraid I won’t sleep. So I stay up too long and get a second wind. 
Melatonin helped me the last two nights. I did the full 5mg.
Having a different sleep pattern every night is my big problem. If I am up late or woke really early and get 4 hours one night, then I sleep more the next night, then less the following one etc. Trying to stabilize things with melatonin and going to bed at 11 even if I don’t want to. Then the problem is, if I go to bed at 11, I wake at 4. Waking at 5 is fine but 4am makes for a long day and then my eating pattern gets screwed up too!!! (I just ate lunch at 10:30am)
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I jusr started the VA sleep app. It starts with a detailed diary–what time did you go to bed, what time did you fall asleep, how many times did you wake up, how long to get back to sleep, rate the quality of your sleep, what time did you wake up for good, what time did you get out of bed. All pretty easy to fill out.
I think this may be helpful to me. Since I don’t have a consistent schedule, my go-to-sleep/wake up times vary a lot. Last night was atypical–I went to bed later than usual and took forever to fall asleep. It will be difficult wake up early tomorrow for an appointment. Hopefully the app will help long-term.
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