The Newest Limitations on Speech "Encouraged" by PC Police

@fallenchemist I never use the n word, but am happy when people tell me I’‘m cute or that I have a pretty face, even though I’'m over 50. So many of the items on the JMU list are just not worth focusing on. They are not insults.

But it’s not all about you, @MOMANDBOYSTWO, and what does and doesn’t make YOU feel comfortable.

I’m certain others do find those phrases offensive depending on who is saying it and the context. Sure, a partner can call someone cute or tell them they have a pretty face. I can think of many instances where it wouldn’t be viewed as a compliment.

I’m sure many senior citizens don’t want to relegated to being that “cute old lady”. It would sure tick my mom off. She spoke to a young nurse recently that called her “sweetie” and told her it was inappropriate. I bet that nurse thought she was a cute old lady up until that point.

Your mom sounds mean. If I were that nurse, I would have been offended. it’s apparently OK for your mom to say something rrude to someone who was trying to help her, but not for me to say I like being called cute. Your mom probably made that nurse feel awful. Your mom sounds a little haughty to me. I would not want to serve her if she gets that easily ticked off by the word sweetie.

Nope. She’s quite nice actually and very well regarded. She’s also extremely sharp and intelligent. She just doesn’t like being patronized and infantilized by someone who is 50 years younger than she especially when she’s the paying customer. She does expect to receive the professionalism and respect she bestows on others. She also knows how to advocate for herself and I’m sure her speaking to the young nurse will save some other seniors that same kind of “sweetie” treatment. She certainly did not yell or speak rudely. I doubt most rational people would deem that as being mean. The nurse is a paid professional, she’s not just “trying to help her”.

But it is ironic how you see that as being mean but not the list of comments posted by the OP in the initial post.

It’s fine if you want to be called cute but you should understand that not all people feel the way you do. Again, it’s not that complicated.

I see absolutely nothing wrong with any of the things on that list, and I applaud the college for putting it out. If its students don’t know why saying those things is hurtful, rude, or downright offensive, then let the teaching begin.

The OP seems to have trouble differentiating between “hello, we are a university, and it’s time you learned about people who are not you, that’s part of what this place is for”, and “the police are here to go through your papers and take you to prison because of things you said.” The latter is (part of) what the First Amendment protects against.

I would suggest that the OP calm down and start learning how to live in a plurality that has no dominant culture, because, like it or not, that’s where the OP will soon be living.

" Am so glad I am an adult out of school so no one can tell me what I can and cannot say. "

Me too! I’m going to ask my black coworkers about their hair tomorrow. Because I’m an adult and I CAN, darn it.

@doschicos You and your mom assume that all others find “sweetie” offensive. I find it amusing. I would never have criticized a nurse for saying that to me. We are all different.

Uh, the OP is a black woman living with a white husband and five biracial kids. I live it everyday.

As long as SOME people find it offensive including the one it is being said to, yes, it is relevant and worth speaking up about, @MOMANDBOYSTWO.

The college’s list references those types as comments as being offensive, I give you a specific concrete personal example of such, yet you continue to defend it just because YOU think it is ok. Why risk offending some just because a few others are okay with it when it is so very easy to just do differently? Why? Perhaps it would be helpful to stop viewing the world from your own perspective only and realize there are other people out there who do think differently. If someone wants to tell me something I said to them came across in a negative fashion, I am willing to take that constructively and learn from it. I wouldn’t call that being sensitive but yes, I do find it being professional.

@doschicos I was actually thinking of the nurse’s point of view, and feeling grateful that I was not in her shoes. How do you think that nurse felt about being criticized as a professional for using the word sweetie? Do you think that made her feel good? Whose feelings are more inportant? Your mom’s or the nurse’s?

In this instance, my mother. In a service situation it is the customer’s feelings that matter as long as they are reasonable, especially in a situation as personal as a patient/medical professional situation. She’s the customer and her comment to the nurse wasn’t offensive it was just, in a polite manner, stating that she didn’t like being called “sweetie”. My guess is if you polled nursing schools across the country, they would agree that the patient has a right to make that statement and I doubt that the lectures on bedside manner suggest calling your 80 year old patients “sweetie”.

I can’t imagine anyone believes health care professionals using endearments and diminutives towards elder patients is professional behavior. It’s infantilizing, and thus disrespectful. The nurse may be misguided, and it may be possible to excuse her or him on that basis, but the behavior is unprofessional. And it should be pointed out so it can be corrected. imho.

As a Jewish person, I would not be offended at the week long Christmas remark, but would use it as an opportunity to explain one of my religious holidays to someone who doesn’t know about it.

My mom is 80. If she didn’t like the word sweetie, I’m pretty sure she would have just ignored it rather than addressing such a minor issue and risk hurting the nurse’s feelings. Again, we are all different.

“we are all different.”

Well, that’s one thing I agree with you on.

MOMANDBOYSTWO: my point is that your mom and doschicos’ mom shouldn’t have to educate the nurse. The nurse should know better. Someone should have taught the nurse this was unprofessional. Because it is. I don’t see how there could be any debate that it is unprofessional conduct.

However, I also don’t see how there can be any debate about the rudeness of the list in the OP. If folks are taught this is rude, there will be no reason to call them on this sort of comment. I don’t think most people are deliberately rude and hurtful to others.

“^Isn’t James Madison a public university?”

Yes, it is.

[url=http://mentalfloss.com/article/52209/15-historical-complaints-about-young-people-ruining-everything]Indeed![/url]

One thing we don’t know is how this nurse addresses other patients. I often have nurses and nurse practitioners address me with such terms - sweetie, hon, dearie. Since that has happened over a long period of time, I could hardly attribute it to my being elderly. Maybe there’s a regional thing or something. It certainly doesn’t bother me.

I’m 60. In my bubble, the older generation (80 and 90 yr olds) is much more tolerant, progressive and accepting than I am. I’m paying close attention while they are still around and learning from them how to behave. Last summer, a 91 year old friend told me, “the world is never going to be perfect” and that has sort of been my mantra ever since. Evidently I had been counting on the fact it might be possible the world became perfect during my lifetime. ;(