@sylvan8798 I think the nurses are just trying to be endearing. Clearly some people don’t like that.
okay - how do all of you feel about MDs calling patients (regardless of age) sweetie, honey, dearie? Is that acceptable as well? Or would that be patronizing?
Oh for heaven’s sake, that is just ONE of the items on the original list, and I’ll grant you it is probably less offensive than others. Are you really trying to say that that entire list of phrases should be acceptable for people to use at any time?
Because people ARE free to use those phrases, and live with the consequences.
"Maybe there’s a regional thing or something. "
New England where it is not “a thing”. It’s not some southern thing.
Nurses who are younger than me address me as sweetie. I take it as being part of their nurturing nature and don’t get upset.
When I first started practicing law, in the early 80’s, I was often referred to as “sweetie” by male attorneys. If they were over 50, I generally let it slide. If they were closer to my age and it slipped out, I would nicely say, my name is techmom99, not sweetie. If they said it in a condescending manner, I would respond in kind.
I remember being before the bench in front of a female judge whom my boss (generally NOT a sexist man, his wife was very accomplished, he had 2 daughters and hired many female attorneys) referred to as “Judge Barbie Doll” when a very annoying male attorney referred to me, very sarcastically, as “hun.” When the judge did nothing, I said “I am NOT your hun and there isn’t enough money in the world to make me remotely consider being you hun, so you may refer to me as MS. techmom99.” At that point, the judge told him to watch how he addressed women attorneys in her court or else. I realized about a month later that it was just that attorney’s persona because I actually had to step in between him and another attorney from my office who were threatening to go out in the hallway and duke it out. He was an all around jerk, not just a sexist.
Ok, maybe someone can explain “The same thing happens to me too.”?
@surfcity Definitely a few of the phrases on the JMU list are worthy of discussion in sensitivity/leadership training.
I am curious. What is wrong with the comment “You are so articulate?” How is that comment offensive in any setting? I guess I always wish I were more articulate. Educate me, please.
@sylvan8798 My understanding is that supposedly you can’t say “the same thing happens to me” because no one can know what another person has really experienced. Bad example, but if I said that wine at dinner makes me tired, and you responded “the same thing happens to me,” how is that offensive? I don’t get it.
I think “you’re so articulate” is offensive when said to African Americans. It implies that you’d assume they wouldn’t speak standard English.
https://mic.com/articles/92657/this-brief-talk-brilliantly-explains-what-black-people-hear-when-white-people-call-them-articulate#.qoJTOTEOR
https://linguisticpulse.com/2014/05/08/who-is-articulate-biased-perceptions-of-language/
What if instead of responding to a comment about wine giving someone a headache, it’s a white person responding to an African American saying they frequently get pulled over? I can see where that would be offensive. Or a woman saying that people stare at her chest–and a man says “Oh, that happens to me all the time.”
Some of the examples being put up are absurd. The list was made with the understanding that people are not parrots and won’t just utter phrases in a nonsensical context. They are meant to be understood that in fairly common situations, what you might have thought was innocuous is actually something that is taken in a completely different manner by a large percentage of people that have a history and personal experience quite difference from yours. It is a bit like not understanding what it is like to be black and pulled over by police for “driving while black”. For most white people, they have zero context for understanding that situation until they are sufficiently informed to “get it”. Which exactly is the answer to saying “the same thing happens to me” in a situation where you cannot possibly understand the experience from the point of you of someone of color, or that was a religious minority in a region of strict religious authority, etc. That is also why saying “you are so articulate” to someone that is black, as if you are amazed (and given the climate and realities in this country, it can easily be taken that way even if not meant that way), is full of little mine explosions.
@surfcity @doschicos Thank you for the references and explanations. Articulate still seems like a positive attribute, unless you’re black, I guess…??
If you look at the original, source document (something our students are encouraged to do in college 
) instead of the right-leaning website’s slant on the list, you will see that in addition to listing the 35 statements, the college also provides some context for why those statements might not come across well.
Take a look:
https://issuu.com/thecollegefix/docs/jmu25thingslist
Also, @MOMANDBOYSTWO definitely read #18 and #19 on the list because it basically applies to what you were accusing my mother and me of - being too sensitive - and mean.
I took a look. Some of the statements with context look even more absurd.
Such as? Support your statement.
I think you may have meant #20 as well. That seems most on point with “sweetie”, etc.
@fallenchemist #24 refers to calling old people “cute” which is probably applicable to how the nurse addressed my mother. For #18 and #19 I was referring more to how momandboystwo referred to us as being too sensitive and how other people don’t mind it so why should we and excusing the nurse’s behavior because she was just trying to be nice and trying to help my mother, which is excusing behavior others find objectionable.
The doc does not allow to copy and paste this nonsense - this is probably a good thing.
4. “The same thing happens to me too.” - totally stupid
7. “What are you?” or “Where are you really from?” - happened to me many times, not offensive at all
11. “You speak the language very well.” - happened to me many times, not offensive at all
20. Calling women “girls, honey, sweetie pie” or other familiar terms. - an older woman cashier at my CVS calls everyone “Hun”. Yes, she is trying to be friendly. Do not see anyone offended
34. Saying to a Jewish person, “You are so lucky to have ‘your’ Christmas spread over a week!” - Impact - idiocy.
If you think about what Jewish people went through this “offense” is nothing
etc.
Most of this is just common sense. Students need this guide as much as the guide about Halloween costumes. Proper Liberal Arts education should take care of common sense by default.
@fallenchemist - props to you for your patient and thoughtful contributions to this thread. They’re important and appreciated.