Thanks for the tip, alh! I hope you’re right about things being overblown by the media.
I second @alh’s comments. I think it is blown out of proportion by the media. The media doesn’t focus on all the wonderful things being done on college campuses. There are amazing and bright students engaged in so many positive undertakings! Follow some college websites’ news feeds or twitter and you’ll hear about some of the interesting accomplishments. It’ll make you feel the warm fuzzies. 
nothing has been banned. Come on, now.
Reading that list of items, while some of them I don’t know if I personally would care about someone saying the things, I also am not personally involved (for example, the Jewish Christmas thing about Hanukkah, for me that would be stupid (not being Jewish or any particular faith), but I also understand why some would take offense, it is attempting to change a Jewish belief/celebration into something Christian, or to an observant Jew, changing a celebration of survival into being like the secular, dominant Christmas of commercialism and gift giving…). On the other hand, a lot of the things on the list to me are sad they are there, not because it is “PC police”, but rather because someone with any sense of courtesy or decorum should know better. Asking a transgender person about their genitals? Do you go up to a guy and ask their penis size or a woman about their private parts? Asking a black person about their hair or hygene, really? That is like going up to someone who is Italian and asking them if their family is in the Mafia or asking an Irish person if they are an alcoholic…
As far as the “I don’t care what color you are” or “I am color blind”, the reality of those words are that someone who truly doesn’t care what background/ethnicity/race someone is wouldn’t say that, they simply would treat the person as they would wish to be treated. People protesting they are color blind are to me like the people who say “some of my best friends are gay” after going off on how immoral gays are, how they threaten society, etc, both are someone with problems with race/identity/whatnot, and trying to use that to cover for themselves, and the reason they are on the list is that someone saying that tells the listener they do see race/identity/orientation, etc, and judge people by it…
Do I think people go overboard with sensitivity? Yeah, I do, when someone says you shouldn’t talk about liking to eat bread in case someone might have celiacs, it is going to far, or when things are taken out of context and assumptions that aren’t true…but the cry of PC often has been those who are upset that they can no longer say things about people and not get called on it. The attitude reminds me of something on the old “All in the Family” show, where Archie Bunker was talking about ethnic identity (ie Italian-American, Irish-American, etc), and said something like “back then, we was all Americans, and if you were a (string of ethnic slur terms fro almost any group you could name),you could be that in your private time”. I hear freedom of speech when someone says something stupid and gets called on the table, when a politician says something dumb and gets called on it, when some CEO says something stupid or expresses an unpopular opinion and it causes grief for the company, and so forth. First of all, PC has nothing to do with Freedom of Speech, even at a public university they have the right to clamp down on expression that might hinder the working of the school, and at a private one even more so. Freedom of speech is a legal term, and the fact that an employer fires you has nothing to do with it, nor is a school talking about things you should try and avoid saying.
As far as violence goes, that is never an answer for speech, the answer for speech is more speech. If the speech against something someone says is strong, and it causes the person to recant their words or otherwise back off, that is not silencing, that is someone saying something that a lot of other people don’t like, it also indicates that they don’t have strength of conviction. 40,50 years ago, someone advocating right of gays, same sex marriage, spoke out and faced consequences, as did civil rights advocates and so forth. Freedom of speech is you have the right to speak up, but it also says that you will face consequences for your speech, something many of those complaining about the reaction to what they say forget.
There are appropriate consequences, though, and physical violence or threats are not appropriate (even though the law has actually given leeway there, so called ‘fighting words’, which I don’t agree with personally)…however, if someone says something people find bigoted, rude, crude and otherwise socially inadequate, they are gonna get called on it…
In other words, don’t be a d***. I’ve a conservative Christian attending college, and I’ve learned where my opinions are respected and where they are not. Around those who I know do not hold my beliefs or would find them hurtful, I keep my mouth shut on the sensitive issues unless specifically asked about something. It’s just called being polite.
So can anyone enlighten me here…what exactly do most college kids mean by “safe space”? Is it a place where you can let your guard down (i.e. dispense with speech codes) and speak freely? That’s what I am assuming, but maybe I’m off.
@zekesima:
The answer to your question is your son will be fine, as long as he remembers that there are ways to express beliefs and ideas without being, to quote albert, the D word. If he talks about his beliefs without turning it into a beat down like you might hear from a Sean Hannity, Anne Coulter and the like, if he can express them without denigrating those who believe differently, he will be fine. I remember my days in college back in the Reagan days, when there was a lot of fear about the Reagan administration agressively building up our nuclear capabilities, a lot of people were concerned and there were anti nuclear arms demonstrations and so forth. The campus young republicans at our student center had this poster, that basically claimed anyone questioning or protesting the escalating of nuclear armaments was a traitor, that kind of attitude will get you into trouble. Likewise, if you are a conservative Christian and get in people’s face about their beliefs, for example go around wearing T shirts saying gays will go to hell (and yes, folks, even at old NYU, liberal bastion it supposedly was, I saw kids with shirts like that and worse, and the campus crusade for Christ were not a very kindly bunch, had big mouths and said a lot of ugly things)…if you have taught your son basic rules of respecting others beliefs and how to treat others with respect, even if you disagree with them, he will be fine IME. If you think on the other hands the kind of things they mention in that list are perfectly okay, like asking someone about what genitals they have or if they are a boy or a girl, or saying something “is so gay” is okay, then he might have a bit of a battle on his hand.
@Zekesima I think I look at it from a much different perspective because I (and many, many of my friends) have had experiences where we unknowingly said something offensive and then felt horrible when we later found out why it was terrible.
A specific example: I grew up hearing what I thought was the phrase “That’s mighty wide of you.” I heard it said in a sarcastic way and thought wide meant something like a wide streak of generosity. I said it once to a black man and could tell by his reaction, a shocked “what did you say?” That I had said something offensive. I didn’t know for another 10 years - once I had internet and could look it up because no way would I ever ask anyone what was so bad about it- that the phrase was actually “that’s mighty white of you” and then I got the shock and why it was offensive. I felt terrible that I had ever unknowingly said something racist.
I have friends who have unknowingly made similar comments. I would have liked a list like this because at least if I am going to decide to be offensive or walk a risqué line, I want to know before I say it. I tell my kids that about certain obscene or harsh language-- it doesn’t overly bother me depending on context but they need to know that there are people who are offended by it and they may face negative repercussions if they use it.
mom2two girls, Sorry, but I LOL’d at that one.
musicprnt, OK, some things 95% of the people are going to agree are rude. Other things, not so much i.e. the safe space network’s list of no-nos for their blog:
Cultural Appropriation
Slut-shaming
Fat-shaming
Cissexism/ Cissupremecy
Heterosexism
Ace erasure
Bi erasure/ Monosexism
Ableism
Sexism / Misogyny
Trans-misogyny
Racism
Dyadism
Binarism
Mental illness- shaming
Multiplicity Hate
Otherkin Hate
http://safespacenetwork.■■■■■■■■■■/Safespace
My son had to explain what otherkin hate was, and I’m sorry but I LOL’d at that, too. Does that make me a bad person? Many conservative and religious people are going to have a big problem with some of these and no problem with others. I guess the bottom line is that blog is not a safe space for them.
^Yes, I can see how those things being discouraged would be upsetting to someone like you.
@zekeshima:
“Many conservative and religious people are going to have a big problem with some of these and no problem with others. I guess the bottom line is that blog is not a safe space for them.”
Looking at the list, leaving out a couple of terms even I don’t know what the heck they are, what is it that conservative or religious people would have trouble with? The shaming? So they believe it is okay to go someplace and apply shame to someone who is fat, sexually active, etc? By what right do they have to judge? I think someone needs to read Jesus words when he says “judge ye not, lest ye be judged” Cultural appropriation? So it is conservative mantra that it is okay to adopt things that came from other cultures and claim credit for it, like for example Jazz music only became “respectable” when white musicians started playing it (and there are a ton of others). Heterosexism? Usually that means someone in their writings or speech is going around, for example, saying “why do gays have to flaunt their relationships”, totally ignoring the fact that straight people do that all the time (wedding rings, pictures of so’s on their desk, talking about what their family did on vacation, guys bragging about sex, women complaining about it to each other). Cissexism is about claiming that trans folk are inferior to those ‘born that way’ ie cis people, and that again is judgement, or worse, trying to make others hateful.
If conservatives, religious or otherwise, feel the need to shame people, to judge them, to make them feel inferior, then yeah, that blog would not be safe space. On the other hand, can you imagine how a trans person or a gay person or a bisexual person or a disabled person or a black person would feel on the many conservative blog sites out there…ever listened to right wing talk radio, @zekeshima and heard what routinely is said on there…do you think those are safe spaces for anyone to the left of attila the hun?
And as others have pointed out, ever dawn on you that the reason things like the safe space blog you mention exists, or attempts are creating safe space on campus, is because of how uncomfortable people who are different have been treated? Do you think that blacks, gays, transgender people, fat people, sexually active people, have been treated kindly, especially by a lot of people who claim to be conservative (and I say it like that, because not all conservatives are nasty, judgemental bigots, the way that not all liberals are necessarily nice people), the reason safe space is out there is because people thought nothing of shaming them, being deragatory towards them and the like, and if someone conservative/religious went on that blog site and expected to be able to shame people, judge them, look down on them, then yeah, it wouldn’t be safe for them.
In some idealized past, what was the situation? You were free to offend others, who were free to be offended. You are still free to do so now. The only difference seems to be that in that past you were safe from being accused of racism/sexism.
I see no corollary here whatsoever. If I say to a black person “I like your braids, it looks so cool. Did that hurt?” It hardly seems comparable to asking if someone’s family is in the mafia.
Had to look up ‘otherkin’. Just had to. And I have to say… I truly resent the 23 wasted seconds it took to do it.
aalbert’s advice is pretty good, zekesima. Tell him to think what he wants, say what they want, and he’ll be fine. Works for a ton of people, no reason it shouldn’t work for him too.
Don’t know what he’s majoring in but engineering/hard science is always an easier berth for those who can’t be bothered with every shifting nuance of our cultural progression. If his skin’s thick enough, that is,because the girls are kind of tough.
My daughter, when asking a roommate about the males in ChemE, was told: ‘the odds are good, but the goods are odd.’
Thanks, Catahoula. He’s majoring in Computer science.
sylvan, That was interesting. I’ve never been called a racist before.
raneck, “someone like me” = ?
Re:#165 The only association I have with the “safe space” is that some people have little signs saying “Safe Zone: I Respect LGBQT Individuals” or something along those lines posted on their dorm room door or office or something like that. I take that as meaning that person wants to advertise their respect for those people and I guess is supposed to make them feel comfortable in that area.
Thanks Albert. That was helpful. So if someone put a sign up that read, “Safe Zone: I Respect Conservative Individuals”, would that be considered a microaggression?
If someone asked me that question, “I’d say thanks,” and keep it moving. I try not to be over-assumptive and project what I am told from others on what that person in that moment is asking. With that being said, I wouldn’t answer the second question because, depending on who it is, I wouldn’t see genuine concern about the discomfort of my hair style. You can go ahead and research what some women experience, but I don’t prefer to inform you on what’s going on with me.
Just like the woman who asked me how I “managed to keep my eyebrows”. I don’t entertain personal inquiries.
The term describing the bad-mouthing of Male Chemical Engineers is called MaChemism. I just created it and insist that it should be added to the safespace blog. Male Chemical Engineers deserve their safe space.
Something I’ve seen a lot of talk about recently is people whose names are frequently mispronounced by members of, shall we say, the dominant culture. I recently saw an article that said that Asian children suffer a crippling microaggression if “white” teachers mispronounce their names. (Apparently black teachers are endowed with a magical ability to pronounce Asian names?) It was laid at the feet of racism.
A Latina I know wrote an op ed for the regional paper a number of years ago about how hurtful it was that someone in an office said her name was hard to pronounce. Her name is Valenzuela. I an not going to reveal mine, but I am willing to bet any sum that at the very least 9 out of 10 Americans would have no problem pronouncing her name correctly on the first try, while fewer than 1 out of 10 Americans would pronounce my name correctly. Again, this was laid at the feet of racism and bigotry.
As a child, I grew accustomed to raising my hand when the teacher stopped after some name in the Ms or Os and just stared at the paper. When asked to spell it, the first two letters made up a slightly naughty expression that reduced my classmates to gales of childish laughter. I can’t tell you how many times people have said to me, “I’m not even going to TRY to pronounce that!” Women asked my mother why they hadn’t changed it to a simple English word. (My mother is of Irish/Welsh ancestry, and grew up with an easier name, thanks to forced Anglicization of Irish names in the bad old days in Ireland.)
For many decades, I have taken what I consider to be a constructive approach to this. When someone asks about my name, at least several times per month, I say "It’s Finnish. A lot of people think it’s French, because of the first syllable. But the give away is the “nen” at the end. It means “of the.” Like Eero Saarinen, the architect, or Jorma Kaukonen, the bass player of Jefferson Airplane and Hot Tuna. " Most people appear interested. Or maybe they are only being polite. But I think a lot of us are interested in names and our immigrant ancestors.
In general, I find “assume good intentions” to be the best policy in human interactions. Yes, there are times when that is obviously wrong. But do today’s immigrants seriously thing that they are the FIRST groups to ever encounter people who had a hard time pronouncing their names, or who had questions about their ethnic origins? We are a nation of immigrants.
BTW, my name is pronounced exactly as it is spelled.
Lol, you are very funny, for an engineer.
(that was a joke …)