I was one of many. My husband was an only. He LOVED joining our family. We had many. All of ours want many. One of them married an only she LOVED joining our family and they will have at least three. She once told me she knew many onlies who wished they had siblings but had never met one of many who wished they didn’t have siblings. I have four grandchildren under the age of three. I suspect there will be at least a few more. Which DIL has the most (so far)? The Only
Regarding what was posted heres:
I believe the culture factor may be specific to them. But the factor of “growing up around wealth” could be applied to SOME kids growing up in the US also. It may not be applicable to them only; we may have many “only’s” growing up in the upper-middle SES family environment here in the US as well. It is also no denying that we have many helicopter parents here in the US as well. Maybe the only positive that goes for us is that the parents here may be ahead in the learning curve on how not to pamper the kids because families here became wealthy for a longer time.
There could be another big plus that goes for us: The social security system that some of us here could regard as an “entitlement system that will go broke eventually.” The “retirement contracts” in the US are therefore more between an individual and the government, rather than within each family.
@mcat2:
Obviously, there are helicopter parents all over and there are parents of "onesies’ who spoil them or otherwise take things too far, but the problem with the study is that it was studying China and trying to generalize, and I would bet that the one child families they studied were not in rural china, but rather were relatively well off families living in the city areas. My problem with a study like that is that it didn’t cover a broad spectrum, if I was going to study the impact of being an only child I would do it to try and take out factors like, for example, wealth, if only that it is a lot easier to spoil a child when you have the money to do so.
@musicprnt, A very good point. The sample is likely biased.
Talking about the biased sample, during lunch hours, a coworker of mine who came from that part of world said that most people he happened to know over there somehow always have more money to spend (shopping spree and international vacations.) He said he actually did not know why this is happening. But I think a potential reason may be the biased sample. He told me that many friends and relatives who came here for vacation might purchase several large boxes right after they landed at the airport, bought stuff to fill up these boxes and mailed them back to their country of origin, before they started touring. He said he could never afford such a shopping spree. He also said that even though the same kind of car costs maybe 3 times more than it does here, people living there who he knows actually drive a better car than he does here. (I jokingly tell him that he likely needs to get a better job so he could imorove this situation.)
I actually heard of the similar remarks from several other persons who still have ties with someone in their country of origin. So this seems to be not an isolated case only.
One of them (who is in his 45-50s) also told me that his college friends who were still there mostly took a more higher or prestigious position, likely because they were among the first few classes of college graduates after they had started the college entrance exam system again. Whoever had been graduated from a prestigious college there had a good opportunity to grab a better job over there at that time.
No. Just shy of 40, I discovered I was four months pregnant after being told we couldn’t have children many years earlier. Son was born one month shy of our 20th. He is the joy of our life, but I never, ever (in a million years) considered having another as I had never considered even having one. Having gone through birth once, I’ve never been able to understand how anyone does it again, much less multiple times. I couldn’t have handled more than one child.
@3bm103, I would not be surprised if mine ends up with more than one kid herself, or if she ends up living in the same place (in the US) for most of her adult life.
My niece was an only and she went on to have 4 boys (in a 2 bedroom apartment!). Last Christmas my mother remarked that she must not have liked being an only child since she had so many kids, and both her oldest, and my oldest (I have 3) piper in that they would have LOVED to be an only child.
As an only child, unless you’ve totally pissed off your parents in your lifetime you’re pretty much assured of your inheritance split.
My best friend growing up had 6 brothers and sisters. She basically raised them and she wished every day that she was an only child. Actually, come to think of it, I know quite a few oldest children who had 3 or more siblings who wish they were only children. Always the oldest though- maybe because they remember what it’s like to be an only?
Both of my parents had 3 brothers and my mom chose to only have one kid. She didn’t want a big family though she did want 2 (just got me). My dad also never wanted a big family- he has 2 and one is very rarely in our lives (she has some issues…).
Mom is close to her brothers, dad couldn’t care less if he ever saw his brothers again for the rest of his life… and at least one of them he probably won’t.
I have not loved joining Mr R’s large family. I like my brother- & sister-in-laws, cousins-in-law, etc but going to family get togethers with nearly 100 people (just from 2-3 families) when 20 of them are young kids is exhausting. I miss my little Christmases with 10 or less of us where we actually all knew each other rather than the scream fest that ensues with that amount of people and children.
My son was not only an Only, but for most of his life, raised by a single mom and grandparents. I was not surprised that his long relationship is with a twin. He has a need for closeness, and a desire for a bigger family.
His cousins on fathers side are much older, and on my side, quite differen in personality and life style. He needs to,build his own family.
I coached both rec level and select level sports. At rec level, I made it abundantly clear that every kids would be getting exactly the same amount of playing time within their capacity. It is much less of an issue here. Every kid works on every skill - no favorites.
In select sports, playing time is not equal, positions are more set, and the coach (and his decisions) is in the crosshairs of the parents much of the time. It’s a volunteer position and takes a tremendous amounts of work. Minimum aggravation is as important as winning percentage. “You don’t draft kids, you draft families” is one piece of advice I was given.
Obviously, you cannot judge every kid by birth order, nor predict their individual behavior by it, but I tend to assign patterns on small amounts of data. My experience may have been an anomaly.
LOL, my inheritance split would be exactly the same – guaranteed! – no matter how many siblings I had. I suspect most people in the world are in the same boat. (Maybe I should buy my mom a lottery ticket so that I, too, can dream of a possible inheritance).
I’m an only and didn’t mind it really. It did seem to my preteen/teenaged self that my frinds with older siblings had less strict parents than I did. So I kind of wanted an older sister. But that obviously wasn’t happening. 
My mom is from a large family and I am an only on purpose. She says she never had a moment of privacy in her entire childhood. :).
Her siblings who have kids mostly had larger families (3 had 4 or more kids). So they didn’t all share her view,obviously.
My only child never wanted a younger sibling (or older sibling for that matter) but as a child wished she had been a twin (lots of twin and triplet friends) - thought that it would have been nice to be sharing the same experiences at the same time with a sibling.
Step Sib to my daughter: What’s it like being an only?
Daughter: Peaceful.
My D loved being an only child - even now, she tells me that she never dreamed of having a sibling or wished that her family was different.
What I found annoying about being the parent of an only was all the useless, gratuitous “advice” from co-workers and even strangers about having only one child:
“You CAN’T have an only child - your daughter will hate you for it.”
“Only children are spoiled and they’re always sad.”
And my favorite: “Everyone knows it’s not a real family unless you have at least two children.”
Who thinks up this stuff? And why do people think I care about their opinions?
I hate those annoying questions @scout59 . My reproduction rate (through biological means or adoption) is nobody’s business! I am not going to tell you the 20,000 reasons why I had an only. The worst are from complete strangers. Or maybe not, because we’ve had family bug the frell out of us too. “What’s he going to do when you’re DEAD?! He’ll be all ALONE!” As if he won’t have his own family and group of friends.
And I hate it when they dismiss your child’s feelings on the matter. Guess what? Not all kids (or adults) want siblings. They feel their lives are much better without them.
I did not read the links, so I cannot speak to those pro/con lists. Maybe I don’t understand the premise, but I don’t see how the China study could apply to the US. That study is based on onlies where they have ONLY been onlies for a long time, right?
Looks like I am the first of my kind on this thread??? I am an only, and I have an only. I recall having a few passing wishes for a sibling when I was a child but not for very long. It wasn’t going to happen anyway, as my mom was 39 when I was born - a rarity in those days. I think I realized how good I had it. Three did seem to be the common number of siblings in the families of my childhood friends. Dh has one sister, but they are not close at all. They probably see each other once or twice a year at most. They do not call each other or communicate otherwise. They are VERY close in age (14 mos apart) and fought terribly when they were younger. There are no guarantees that siblings are going to be close as children or adults.
I will not have the issue of caring for aging parents as both of my parents were killed when I was 24 years old. I do think about that with regard to our ds, and as someone else mentioned, we are doing all we can to minimize any burden on ds in the future. We will downsize significantly when dh retires, we have deferred as much as we can for retirement, and we do what we personally have control over to try to stay in good health by eating well and exercising regularly. What I have observed among my friends dealing with aging parent issues is that the majority of care tends to fall on one sibling anyway. There may be financial support coming from multiple siblings, but they day-in and day-out burdens are often borne by one (almost always a daughter). I have told my m-i-l that she can come live with us if she needs to but that I am not taking in my f-i-l. Dh’s sister has to take him. When she said that they come as a pair, I said, “Well, I guess you won’t be living with us then!” She knows f-i-l is a PITA. Grumpy, sour old soul.
I am very social and outgoing and have lots of friends. I do, however, value my alone time and don’t mind being alone at all. My mother-in-law is one of six, and the full-out extended family gatherings wear me out as @romanigypsyeyes stated those were for her. So LOUD!
Dh’s sister also has an only - a dd. Thus, my in-laws only have two grandchildren - both onlies. My m-i-l did lots of things with them together when they were young, and I think they both enjoyed that. However, they now only see each other once a year. I have one cousin who is also an only. We have definitely become closer as we have gotten older.
I don’t think ds minds being an only at all. I think that he, too, realizes the benefits he has reaped but our not having to divide resources - whether those be financial, time-related, or emotional. As another poster said, there is no way we would be paying full-freight at an elite institution for him if he had a sibling. We certainly could have afforded another child, but that obviously comes with a cost.
I think part of it is that you can’t miss what you’ve never had. I do have some friends who are extremely close with their siblings, but I have never felt jealous of that fact. They simply have a different life from mine. It IS difficult having no choice as to where we spend holidays. Even if my in-laws were BOTH wonderful (remember, only one of them is! See three paragraphs above), there is always some sadness that I have virtually no family of my own. But, I don’t dwell on it.
Mother of an only child. We had our child when we were very young (I was 22, DH was 26) and fully expected to have several more. Infertility made having our one child difficult and having any more impossible. So, that was that.
We were very lucky in that our son never, ever asked for siblings and to this day will spontaneously declare his undying love of being an only child. It’s almost as if he was born an only child and knew what it took us over a decade to accept. Odd, that. In any case, it’s worked out beautifully. He’s 23 now; happy, self-sufficient, compassionate, lots of friends, hard working and so on.
As for caring for us as we age, well, we’re doing everything on our end to make sure we aren’t a burden financially. My father, my sister and I all helped my mother (who is also an only child) deal with her parents until their deaths. On the other hand, my father is one of ten siblings. His father died relatively young and his mother wound up moving in with one of her daughters. Yes, the other siblings helped as they could with respite care and finances but, in my experience in my family and watching other families, generally speaking the care comes down to one person in the end.
Forgot to add that my mother said she actually liked being the only one in charge of her parents care because whatever decision she made, it was the right and final one. She saw so many adult siblings fighting over their parents care at her parents nursing home.