<p>Yes, you’ve got all the grades, scores, awards, and EC’s. If only you’d come up with that cure for cancer in your free time during high school, you’d be in. </p>
<p>Although we talk about holistic admissions and say we want a more liberal, arts focussed student body, we are actually happy with our 18% humanities majors, and your Math SAT, well, respectable, but we are REALLY all about the numbers.</p>
<p>Good luck. We know you’re bright, but you’re really NOT our kind.</p>
<p>Yours in school spirit,
Old Fashioned Admissions Dean"</p>
<p>Dear Thumpgirl,
We know we SAID that the SAT II’s were optional (you didn’t take them), and that we don’t rely totally on the SATs (yours were in the 25%ile of accepted students), and that we used holistic admissions (your top class rank and your GPA…they were terrific as were your ECs). We just don’t have a place for you in our holistic class.</p>
<p>Dear Incaboy,
We know you pursued your EC passion to the point of winning a national award, one that was nationally televised, and that you were your high school’s first National Merit Finalist and took 11 college classes in your spare time, but… we really needed those twin runners from your town on our cross country team (too bad they quit after one season).</p>
<p>Dear ITMson.
Again we see you have done well and great recs as undergrad. We are giving someone else shot. One day you will thank us again.</p>
<p>Sincerely, same. </p>
<p>* ITMdad. You are right again. Other school gave S, full ride to include, tuition, TA, stipend, and government grant. Plus bonus internship to India with major company to include salary, stipend, apartment, and travel. THANKYOU, THANKYOU *</p>
<p>We’re sorry, but when we threw all those darts at the wall in our admissions office, none of them landed on your name. We’re sure you’ll achieve great success somewhere else, but it won’t be here.</p>
<p>However, we do invite you to shop on-line from our student store (link provided here). We know you’ll find that our entire wonderful line of overpriced sweat-shirts will make great gifts for all your family and friends. It will be a neat personal reminder to you everyday that “you almost got in, except for our whacky means of selection”, and will help us pay for the new football stadium. (BTW, you can still join our School’s “Quaterback Club” for the low price of $5,000.00 per year, which garauntees we will reserve you 2 tickets, (price not included, paid in full in advance for each game, non-refundable) in the nose bleed section. Don’t forget to visit our soveigner stand when you go to the game so you can purchase more useless ways to show your “team spirit”!)</p>
<p>Yes, you exceed our objective criteria: you have the scores, you have the ECs, your recs indicate that you are funny, helpful, and insightful, and you have beautifully crafted essays. Unfortunately, your interests are too “real world” for our cherished, rarefied atmosphere. We wish you well at some other, more mundane institution.</p>
<p>College X</p>
<p>Reply from Mafool:
Thank you, thank you, thank you.</p>
<p>What you were thinking? I know we said we have a holistic admission process, but you should have understood that “holistic” means "holistic for those with 2200+ SATs and straight-A GPAs. Your test scores were fine, but those grades are not very holistic. Have a nice life.</p>
<ul>
<li>Exclusive Holistic College</li>
</ul>
<p>P.S. As much as we respect your ECs and essays, they can only be holistically considered after we have reviewed your holistic grades and test scores.</p>
<p>Dear robotics boy,
Sorry, FIRST is so yesterday. If you really wanted to get into our exclusive tiny school, you should done horse barrel jumping or Irish dancing. Oh, and it would help if you were a girl. Too bad your sister isn’t interested. </p>
<p>–Tiny engineering school that’s too cool for you.</p>
<p>I know we advised you legacy kids to apply to us ED. And you did everything right. But dude, hello, we’re the HOT IVY! Just look at that ranking, will you? Oh, and we checked…that cheapskate dad of yours is NOT on our VIP donor list. So you’ve just gotten your ass rejected.</p>
<p>If only you had applied Ed like the other 30% who we accepted. We’re sure, however, that you are going to pick another school in the regular round, even if we do accept you. So what if you visited twice and wrote a terrific, “Why …” essay? I’m a master at increasing yield, and I’m not going to bet on you.</p>
<p>“Sorry, but your parents are just too poor. Do a better job choosing your parents next time rather than wasting your time on meaningless ECs, and we’ll give your application better consideration in our need-blind process.”</p>
<p>Seriously. Did you really think we’d admit someone from your high school? After all, we’ve denied every applicant for years and years now. Actually, we were incredibly impressed by your application until we saw your high school’s name. It was so much fun to defer you and give you a glimmer of hope. But come on … you knew it wouldn’t happen - right???</p>
<p>I hope your sense of humor is as good as ours is in Providence.</p>
<p>Gotta run, I have 20,000 more apps to review.</p>
<p>Like twinson, we were going to accept you until we saw your high school’s name. Sorry, but we saw your friends’ applications first. We know we’re your dream school, but unfortunately, you’re just last in line: shouldn’t you be used to that, with that kind of name?</p>
<p>Also, no Irish need apply. Dye that hair, bub, or everyone will know.</p>
<p>Honestly, you are SOOO unclear on the concept of what " these are my people" means. Did you seriously believe we people would see you as our people? First of all, you people are not the ones to decide we people are your people, since it’s we people who make the decisions around here, an we have most definitely determined that people like you, who have the gall to announce we are your people, do not belong with us people.</p>
<p>“First of all, you people are not the ones to decide we people are your people, since it’s we people who make the decisions around here, an we have most definitely determined that people like you, who have the gall to announce we are your people, do not belong with us people.”</p>
<p>This one is especially great. I wish some college would actually just send this instead of the “you’re so great, if only we had room, we know some school will be lucky to get you” dribble.</p>
<p>Dear well rounded kid-
I know we claimed we wanted kids who were not totally and completely obsessed with their academics, whose mantra seems to be “study, study, study”. The answer we really were looking for in your interview to the question “what do you do in your spare time?” was "“Study”. Hah haa. Gotcha! So you want a life?? What is wrong with you?? Gonna have to have that life elsewhere!!</p>
<p>With Fondest regards–
Admissions Dean of school that will reject you soon…</p>