You want to avoid magical thinking – many a talented but disorganized student has gone off to college and …not improved, and lacking self-motivation and organization in college is a real problem. Make sure you have access to his grades, whether he likes it, or not. Practice dispassionate problem solving. Always be on his side. (I’m sure you are!) Don’t ever be ashamed that he isn’t making academic headlines.
Our experience was to send him off, had him commute the first year for a safety net. Lived in an apartment the next years, which culminated in academic withdrawal, therapy for depression, evaluation for ADHD, academic re-enrollment while again living at home, meds, more academic disaster, academic progress, more progress, job offer, no meds, happy life. 6 years. People on this very board kept me from completely losing my sanity in the process.
Don’t let your desire for a good outcome blind you to the realities of what you know to be true. Don’t let the “let him fail” folks convince you that failure always produces personal growth – sometimes it doesn’t. Listen to your instincts, prepare for problems, stick together when they arrive, celebrate the little victories. Ignore timelines. And good luck!
Gifted son disdained slackers but became one his senior year of HS. Lower grades. Bored. Didn’t always do the homework. Had plenty of top classes (AP, Honors) and academic EC’s. Did fine in college- no problems because he wasn’t bored, wanted to be there etc. Was young- turned 17 fall in college. His college grades sometimes depended on whether he thought the course was worth the effort needed to get an A. Not being a slacker, having priorities (eg A’s in STEM- his choices for a major, but not obsessively studying to get that A in a social science course as a freshman).
What matters is study habits. Can the kid do the work to learn material he doesn’t already know? Boredom (lack of new or challenging material), lack of interest, fear of failure can derail top grades. Some students never learn how to study because they never had to in HS and may fail when they finally need to.
You know your kid, or need to observe. For HS seniors think back on other years- if this is a new phase I wouldn’t worry as much. If you kid consistently settles for lesser grades when you know s/he could do much better a change is needed. Two reasons- study habits for when the material (finally) requires more effort and the knowledge foundation will help make later courses easier. May need to understand that one can’t let interest determine the grade aimed for. I know my son liked his college and college course choices, this gave him the motivation he lacked in HS senior year. He knew how to study/get the work done and was able to use those skills.
Be sure your kid has study skills and he will do fine. If not, be sure he learns how to study before he hits college.
@greenbutton …bravo! Well said. Not every child can pull themselves up by their own bootstraps. Sometimes we just have to be there in the trenches with them, especially if there are seeds of depression or despair. It’s wonderful to read outcomes like @takeitallin , and those stories give us hope…but we must also be prepared for a longer haul, and even one that never really gives satisfaction. Prepare for the worse, and hope for the best has never rang more true than with our children who don’t thrive on a normal timeline.
I think I’m a realist in this respect. My brother has ADHD, dyslexia, but also suffers from something else. DH says he works harder at figuring out how not to work than anyone he knows. He 49 and has been unemployed for years…oh excuse me " self employed". His wife makes the living and they get handouts from church , and who knows where. Blue collar jobs are beneath him, but he’s never been able to hold a white collar career…he always gets fired. It’s a sad story, so I see how things don’t sometimes work out. It was a huge, huge heartache for my Father.
I was that way. I never studied in high school, didn’t really need to. Cracked down a bit as a freshman in college, but let off when I found it was easy. Then went on to Ivy League professional degree. Same thing - worked hard the first year, but then slacked a bit after finding it wasn’t as difficult as I thought it would be. Speed reading and sharp critical thinking skills go far in any non-science field.
Your son certainly has the potential to do great in college. My guess is he won’t find pursuing a “business” degree at a state college is going to be very difficult or challenging. In fact, it will be easy.
The question is how well he WANTS to do, i.e., how personally motivated he is. It’s his choice.