<p>“I do think our school system is leaving men behind, but it has nothing to do with the overwhelming amount of female teachers. It’s the fact that we praise things like raising your hand and doing your homework exactly like the instructions say, which we socialize young girls to do from a young age.”</p>
<p>There were an overwhelming amount of female teachers particularly in elementary school when I went to school and I’m in my 60’s. Why are there so many boys who supposedly have ADD? and why do we try to solve every behavior with some pill? It’s gone way overboard and is detrimental to boys.</p>
<p>^ Exactly! And we try to quick fix everything, and that doesn’t work. </p>
<p>ADD, ADHD, etc absolutely exist. But I can’t probably count the number of boys I’ve seen come through the shelter I work at on two hands that weren’t being treated with at least 3-4 different meds. And we work with a LOT of kids. Rarely are the girls on meds though.</p>
<p>Zoos–it has nothing to do with being snarky to point out that this sudden “problem” for boys is unlikely to be due to women teachers, which is NOT something new or different.</p>
<p>I just think it does boys, and men, no good to come up with reasons why what they do or don’t do is someone else’s fault. I won’t truck with that thinking from my own S (who’s too smart for that, anyway, whatever his other challenges may be.).</p>
<p>Wow. As far as I’m concerned, we’ve labeled bullying and physical aggression against others as what they are, and it’s about time. </p>
<p>And, by the way, I have noticed over and over again among friends with both sons and daughters that they are consistently much harder with, and expect much more from, their daughters, and let their sons get away with just about anything. And make a whole lot of excuses for them that they wouldn’t dream of making for their daughters. It always makes me sad to see that.</p>
<p>DonnaL, that does not comport with my experience in the slightest. To the contrary, some of the people I know have encouraged their daughters to be manipulative princesses since birth. The sons would never think of behaving the way such girls are encouraged to be: the tattling, the whining, the drama. As a woman, THAT makes me sad.</p>
<p>Luckily, most of the people I know treat their children like individuals, not simply as members of a gender.</p>
<p>I really think that making such generalizations based on a limited set of acquaintances is unhelpful.</p>
<p>I have daughters and both of them have a lot of male friends and always have, and they get along well with guys and they have a great father, and there is not disdain for males in my house. </p>
<p>And my daughters have always been treated very well by the boys, very respectfully, in my opinion. but, they don’t know a lot of these guys who are being described in this article. So, maybe there are a great group of guys out there and a group that’s not that great, and it’s just better if the guys like the ones making comments at the end of the article simply do NOT reproduce.</p>
<p>I mean, nobody gave my daughters a break. They had to compete for everything they’ve gotten, too. It’s not like only guys have to compete.</p>
<p>ETA: One thing I do agree with is that the way schools are set up right now does not favor the way boys or active young women learn, and something could be done to make the K-8 system better suited to those who do not prefer busy work, neatness, art projects and sitting still.</p>
<p>Musicprnt - great post. I absolutely agree. I saw no feminization in the public schools my kids attended. Although the teachers/ administrators did not/ do not care for my S, they have always at least been willing to admit/encourage his academic skills. D (and many of the other academically talented girls ) learned early that they were considered “a dime a dozen” and had to work just to be noticed.</p>
<p>Consolation, I realize I was making a generalization based purely on personal observation and anecdote – pretty much what the author of the article was doing!</p>
<p>“Nice line, but kids have been in school for a long time. This phenomenon is supposedly new.”</p>
<p>“supposedly” is the key word. (I think the main change is the lack of physical labor, for both men and women - and perhaps especially for the latter. The washing machine revolutionized society more than the computer.)</p>
<p>But, what is the solution, zoosermom?
Respect? Understanding? Attention to the issue. I don’t think our society can afford to write off so many males, I really don’t. We all wail, and rightly so, about the misogynistic societies that lose the value of the gifts of their women and girls, but we aren’t doing so well by our boys, particularly those of color. Success isn’t a zero sum game. If we say that too many boys are failing, it’s not driving a stake through the heart of Ophelia or otherwise taking anything away from girls. It is possible to have successful males and females, but we need to choose to. Unfortunately, there is a whole grievance industry on the part of girls (I have two), who wouldn’t give a boy a glass of water if he were dying of thirst because their grievance is their currency.</p>
<p>It’s not a question of competing. It’s a question of being able to be who and what you are. Masculinity isn’t a pathology, and anyone who says boys and girls are the same isn’t paying attention. There are also different models of masculinity. My son isn’t a tough guy, isn’t a chops-buster and is very kind hearted. But he is less organized, less likely to sit still and less likely to make things pretty. He is in an all-boys school this year and it’s great. There are boys who are different than he is, of course, but the overall tone of the school is that it’s fine to be a boy and that boys aren’t second-rate girls who just have to work harder to get there. He has male teachers for the first time and it’s been a huge help. They understand about boys and puberty in a way that the female teachers did at the younger grades with girls. A lot of their activities are tailored to be more active and less collaborative. Which is great.</p>
<p>I’m not saying that women teachers are bad. They aren’t – my daughter is one. I’m just saying that in 2012 America, there are too many boys who have no examples in their lives of what a man is like. They need to see a man with a job, they need to see that men can do lots more than go to prison, they need to know that being a man is a great thing. We have to deal with the reality we have, and the reality is that far more boys are growing up without men in their lives than ever before and that is not a good thing.</p>
<p>We also need to stop ridiculing men all the time. Not all fathers and husbands are doofuses who can’t function in society without women to roll their eyes and smile indulgently at their antics. We should not accept or expect that males are less than females. We need boys, we need men and it’s time to respect that.</p>
<p>I have a S who had 3 full-time job offers in his SR year & is working full-time, living in his own place. He DOES play video games when he can spare the time and energy, but so far seems to be doing OK at his job, which provides good benefits and requires extensive travel (about 150K miles/year). Unfortunately, he is doing project management instead of EE, which he thinks he would have preferred. He is grateful for a job.</p>
<p>We know quite a few young adults who have graduated and are living at home or with relatives while they work part-time low wage hourly jobs and are grateful to have any, even though they don’t qualify for benefits. In HI, if you work at least 20 hours/week for at least 3 weeks consecutively, you qualify for benefits. Many employers only have their employees work 17-19 hours/week to avoid having to provide benefits, or make employees short-term “emergency hires,” which also avoids benefits.</p>
<p>Our D is a “super senior” and we HOPE she will graduate in cinema (she left HS after spring 2007), and then cobble together one or more jobs. She has always found academics a bit more challenging than S due to time management and stamina issues. For her, a challenge is the uncertain nature of job availability in her field. We do not have a back up plan for what she will do if she does not get a job in her field, but we do plan to help support her while she does internships and looks for jobs.</p>
<p>There is no clear career path for many fields, especially in the humanities. We know many young college graduates who are slowly migrating toward teaching because they can’t find jobs in what the hoped to be doing and the schools do need more qualified teachers to replace those who are leaving and/or retiring.</p>
<p>Well, I know for a long time, when people were concerned with the differences in the way boys and girls were treated in classrooms, to the detriment of young women at the time, there was a movement towards the idea of the single sex classroom.</p>
<p>I think I read that the single sex classroom is beneficial to both sexes for different reasons, but I don’t recall the study.</p>
<p>I agree, very much so, that young women suffer, too, when young men are not growing up. I don’t think either of my girls think boys and girls are the same. I know I don’t. </p>
<p>Perhaps they need some studies to take a look at what will work for the young men, the way we had the studies in the early 90s about young women? Just the attention alone leads to a closer scrutiny on the part of teachers about what they are and are not doing.</p>
<p>But, some guys who are as disrespectful of women as some of the comments at the end of the article indicate should not be surprised they can’t find a partner in life, imho.</p>
That’s all I’m saying. And to not pretend there’s not a problem. Saying this or that is not new is exactly the problem. The demographics are new and the outcome is new. Pretending otherwise is just another way to marginalize half the population. And, again, it’s not a zero sum game and “male” is not synonymous for “moron.”</p>
<p>
Totally true. Women can be vicious, too, though, and men are ridiculed in public life in a way that women aren’t.</p>
<p>well, men are ridiculed, but women are scrutinized for all sorts of superficial reasons men are not… I mean, some of this also has to be chalked up to the differences, as well.</p>
<p>But, certainly the fact that the boys are not growing into men is not something to be ignored.</p>
<p>I always thought that women scrutinize other women much more than men do. When I was younger and still cared, I always said that I dressed for other women, not for men, because women would notice things that men never would. </p>
<p>I think it’s tough to be a woman sometimes. In a strange way, more choices make things tougher because then you actually have to make some choices and reject others. You are also held up to judgment by people who make different choices. (Breast versus bottle, anyone?) But there is no shortage of attention to the struggles women face or consideration of possible solutions.</p>
<p>I love men. I love boys. I want my daughters to marry real men who bring something worthwhile to their lives. I don’t want them to marry some stunted misfits who will be burdens on them. I want my son to grow up to be accomplished, educated, hardworking and honorable. Even if he does bring those attributes to THAT WOMAN.</p>
<p>Well, you will get no argument from me on any of what you just said, zoosermom.</p>
<p>As I have said, my daughters have some great young men in their lives, and I don’t tend to see this situation as dire, for that reason. However, that does not mean I do not believe it when I hear that it is dire, and I think the entire culture absolutely needs to pay attention when such a significant number of our population is not thriving.</p>
<p>I’m glad it is getting attention. Now, perhaps, the more solution oriented can come on board and get it moving in the right direction. Certainly, an education system that was not serving young women well has been turned around in one generation. Perhaps we can find a way to serve all of our students better. </p>
<p>For one thing, reinstate recess and bring back the games. I know most states no longer have a PE requirement, which is a disservice to everyone. Boys and girls. just lets add some physical activity into the day. There’s abundant evidence that excercise is good for the mind and the body.</p>