<p>Being 18 is a two-edged sword. Yes, you are a legal adult and can do as you please.</p>
<p>And because you are an adult, I am no longer obligated to you. I do not have to feed you, clothe you, or provide you with housing. I certainly do not have to pay for your cell phone, your car insurance, (fill in the blank with whatever you are currently paying for). I have no legal obligation whatsoever to pay for college.</p>
<p>You are an adult but you live in MY house, you go to college on MY dime, and as such you will abide by MY rules. If you don’t like them, you are free to leave and support yourself. </p>
<p>So if you wanna play the “I’m 18, I can do whatever I want” game, be prepared for the other side of that sword. It’s up to you. You can’t have it both ways.</p>
<p>:cool:</p>
<p>You don’t have to say it loudly or with anger. It’s more effective if you say it very calmly, as if you are simply stating facts. Because you ARE stating facts. It’s not a threat… it’s just a fact. Yes, the kid is 18. Yes, you are no longer obligated to support him. Let him decide exactly how much his “freedom” is worth!</p>
<p>^^^a continuation of the much earlier conversation about being a fully responsible member of the household:</p>
<p>DS/DD, please wash the car/mow the lawn/walk the dog/whatever.
How much will you pay me?
That depends on what will you pay me for making dinner and doing the laundry.</p>
<p>My mom complains about the state of my room every time she sees it. I think she has resolved to completely rearrange everything as soon as I move out for college.</p>
<p>my son loves to say “I’m 18 years old!” And guess what? I love to say it back to him, too! It has become my favorite weapon when he does something I can’t fathom…“YOU’RE 18 YEARS OLD!” (He’s not as fond of that version!)</p>
<p>Oh, it’s already started in our house - several kids left right before the 4th to pick up a summer school class…so we had a ‘good-bye breakfast’ one morning (at least that got him up early ) and a good-bye dinner at their favorite restaurant one night because apparently each kid must be honored individually. The best has been, 'Well, all my friends are going to be out of town next week (on family vacations) so I must be allowed to stay out later tonight."</p>
<p>It’s such a roller coaster. You’ll be counting the days until he leaves, but as that day approaches, it’ll be wrenching to leave the house. He’ll be thoroughly annoying on the trip to college, but you’ll weep as he walks away. You and your husband will feel the bliss of your solitude, but you’ll miss your growing-up child terribly at first. </p>
<p>Be prepared that some version of the cycle repeats. They come home, they are alternately charming and infuriating, and they leave again. We’re having a good summer with our college junior. He goes back in a month, and I’m preparing to feel the loss. (This may be the last summer he’s home.) But I know life goes on–quite happily, in fact.</p>
<p>I really didn’t have a curfew for my older daughter - just left a small light on in the hall which she was required to turn off when she got home. I told her I didn’t want to find the light on in the wee hours when I’d head to the bathroom nor did I want her to wake me up when she got home. It almost always worked. Remember, in a few weeks they will have no curfew!</p>
<p>knocking on wood while typing this response… we haven’t hit that stage yet with our DS. I think he’s either an alien or an old soul in an 18 year old body. :D</p>
<p>He doesn’t have a curfew but knows that if he’s not home by midnight to let us know where he’s at or when he will be home. Doesn’t complain (too much) about taking out the trash or picking up sister from camp.</p>
<p>Although I have noticed that DS butts heads more with my hubby than with me. I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that hubby doesn’t want son to make mistakes and constantly corrects him. So I get to play the voice of reasonableness with the hubby- he’s having a hard time letting go. I think this is also caused by hubby’s flashbacks to his college days and the bad decisions/choices he had made.</p>
<p>When son and I went to college preview, I thought it would be the perfect time to talk about how it’s good to try new things and have balance in his life. Before I could ease into the conversation, he tells me that college will be the perfect opportunity for him to “reinvent” himself- trying new things and not being such a nerd…</p>
<p>I have told DS that college is like a halfway house- you have food and shelter provided. We won’t be there to monitor what he’s doing so try not to screw it up too much. Yes, try new things, stay up all night. Learn that not getting any sleep before an exam isn’t necessarily a good idea. But also be aware that if you don’t maintain your GPA, you will lose your scholarship. Will that be the end of the world? No. But your choices/options will change. The military is always an option. ;)</p>
<p>hopefully this smooth ride will continue; but if not, I will breathe deeply and try to relax. Of course, I fully expect his sister to give us double doses of disharmony. She is very determined to do what she wants and doesn’t mind making waves… :)</p>
<p>I think I will be hanging out on this thread for the rest of the summer - :).</p>
<p>S is determined to suck every last second of summer and time with his friends. Not a bad thing, but we too, are dealing with the curfew and what seems like EVERY night a time to be out as late as possible. (note: him being out means he is out with my car since he doesn’t have one of his own - I will clearly admit, I love my car and worry about where it’s parked each night he takes it!)</p>
<p>Last night’s scenario: S asked me about 9pm (after being at grad parties, etc. since 1pm) if he can have some friends over for a fire and hanging out at our fire pit. Sure, no problem with that - hey, they are even at our house so that can be a comfort! About 5-6 friends coming over. A few minutes later, it dawned on me that while most neighbors have their AC on, I don’t want the kids to get too loud - it is a Sunday night after all, and most of us are working in the morning. So, I tell S that I would like him to wind the firepit party up by midnight. OMG, you would have thought I would have said everyone needed to be gone by 10pm! He said he they weren’t even coming until 10:30pm (why oh why, do they have to start things when most “people” are turning in for the night???). I got the old, “this is why I don’t even like to have people over here sometimes” - was I that unreasonable? Yes, they are good kids. No, they haven’t done anything to make me doubt them. But, really, is midnight really asking too much when it concerns being outside and keeping the noise level down??? Geesh…</p>
<p>My experience is more like ChuckleDoodle’s. Ds is an old soul. I’m waiting – hoping almost – for him to foul the nest. He’s got a full-time job this summer and has been so darned responsible. Making plenty of time to see friends and all, but not staying out late or anything. He and I have spent LOTS of time in the car the past two weekends, just the two of us, on two long roadtrips, listening to sports talk on the radio. My idea of heaven. If he doesn’t start misbehaving soon, it’ll be that much harder to see him go.</p>
<p>YDS- maybe our boys were separated at birth? I keep hoping he does something too. He goes to work, has been socializing with friends but no “fouling”. I may have to stir the pot next month to make it easier to say goodbye…</p>
<p>LOL -they’re just practicing…college life is all about being nocturnal…I remember not even going out until 10pm in college.</p>
<p>We’ve been trying to hold son to a 11pm curfew during the week because we need to be at work in the morning. Some nights he complies, some nights we have to have several tense text messages back and forth in order to get him home at a reasonable hour. Some nights it’s not so reasonable. I am soooo looking forward to getting some sleep when he goes off to college. I’m one of those that doesn’t sleep well until he’s in the house for the night. I’m okay if he’s spending the night out, there’s just something about expecting someone home at a certain time and then worrying when they don’t show up.</p>
<p>Having a summer job that requires the kids to be up at the crack of dawn does have an effect on the late nights described here. Ours complained about not being able to hang with his friends, whose activities didn’t even begin until close to 10PM, but he went to bed at night and got up at 6.</p>
<p>edit: oh, I didn’t see that there was another page! So I didn’t see momlive’s post about the opposite experience.</p>
<p>Whatever the situation with your S/D before they head off to college, enjoy them while you can. S2 is at a service academy since the beginning of July and we have had 1 phone call since. No email or texts either. Not allowed.</p>
<p>They will be gone before you know it. I know from S1 and D that it gets a little frustrating, but I would trade that in a hearbeat for a little more time, however limited, with S2.</p>
<p>Agreed UMDAD, but it would be nice if they would perhaps, think the same about us!!!</p>
<p>And re: the early morning jobs, my son has to report to work 2-3 times a week by 7:30am - even this doesn’t damper his habit of staying out late and falling asleep on the couch at 2am…he catches up when he can, I guess.</p>
<p>^^^I did that last night! Was watching a movie on TV, fell asleep, and dragged myself to bed sometime in the wee hours. It drives my husband crazy.</p>
<p>I, too, have a DS with an old soul in a 17 year-old body. After a miserable first few years in high school, he’s grown into an amazingly pleasant and responsible person. I almost envy friends who are experiencing a bit more attitude from their soon-to-be college freshmen. Right now, I don’t see any upside to having him leave in a month. I’m very happy for him, but I’m really going to miss him. </p>
<p>Oh well, some days my 14 year-old DD seems to be getting a head start on the whole soiling the nest thing…</p>
<p>If you’re having issues with the late-night hours now, I hate to tell you this but the first time they come home from college can be worse.</p>
<p>S came home for his first fall break and announced at 9:45 pm that he was going to his friend’s house.<br>
Me: Now?
Him: It’s not even 10 o’clock!
Me: His parents have to get up and go to work in the morning. Don’t stay too late.</p>
<p>I went to bed, and woke up when I heard the garage door go up - at 3:15 AM.
Went downstairs and told him, “We need to have a little talk about ‘College Time’ versus ‘Real World Time.’ College Time is kind of like the West Coast time zone - you get up and go to bed 3 hours later than everyone on the East Coast. But when you’re home, you’re on Real World Time.”</p>
<p>My 18 yr old is teasing his 8 yr old sister who is trying to fall asleep right now. His one gripe is he’s broke. Well, we told him he was getting cut off from an allowance afer graduation. He’s applied for summer work and is still waiting. I don’t think he’ll really do much “fouling”. He did enough of that in his jr and sr yrs of HS!</p>
) and a good-bye dinner at their favorite restaurant one night because apparently each kid must be honored individually. The best has been, 'Well, all my friends are going to be out of town next week (on family vacations) so I must be allowed to stay out later tonight."</p>