<p>We are moving to another state this summer, and S has made plans to stay behind, live with his best friend’s family and continue his local job. He’ll be well supervised (by our oldest friends here) and be able to hang with his friends before they all go their separate ways. His dad will fly back at the end of the summer and they’ll drive across the country together to drop him off at school in New Orleans. I think it will be a good scenario for all concerned - except that I’d like to be on that car trip too.</p>
<p>Osage77–You will ALWAYS be your children’s mother–don’t forget that! I’m going through an upcoming “empty nest” in August as well. This time, taking a child to college will have an entirely different feel. It will be SO QUIET in the house when we get back home (quite literally–the youngest child is more talkative than the older or even his father for that matter!). Whah! 
Thankfully, both of my sons have been so kind and understanding–years ago, my first son actually called as soon as we got home to ask me something, but really it was to see how I was doing (I cried all the way home from his school!). My H, of course, keeps saying, “So, what am I, chopped liver?” 
Sometimes I’m not sure Dads understand the <em>physical</em> connection between mothers and their children. When they’re gone, I feel as though I’ve lost a limb. I’m going to try to keep a good sense of humor about all of this as best I can this summer. But I know it’s going to be rough, rough, ROUGH!</p>
<p>I thought the summer after high school graduation was just horrible – like being in a car with no brakes and headed towards that steep hill into the center of chaos.</p>
<p>I think the summer job solution is a good one – have a reason that they simply cannot be out with friends all night, every night for two months!</p>
<p>Having said that, I know there are not a lot of (even minimally) demanding summer jobs available. </p>
<p>It does get better. The next summer was much improved – so it’s not high school graduation per se, as mine graduated twice (once from public hs and once from his pg boarding school year).</p>
<p>My daughter finishes school in a couple of weeks and she’s started working to put money aside, so we don’t see too much of her. I have noticed something, though, and I’m deeply touched. She knows that I’m having a very hard time with the letting go and just lost my father a few weeks ago, so she’s taken to leaving me voicemail messages and going out of her way to actually sit and chat with me when she’s at home. I heard her tell younger sister that she knows how hard this is going to be for me and it surely is.</p>
<p>I have a co-worker who is also sending a child away to school in the fall, and she stopped by my desk last week and asked “Has your child gone insane?”</p>
<p>carolyn, I really love your post and I strive to emulate that attitude, but my husband has also gone insane, and he is suddenly turning into a dictator - he is really having an incredibly hard time with our D leaving the nest (even though she’ll be back).</p>
<p>My husband is so worried about how he’ll handle our daughter leaving this fall that he is tossing and turning each night! In the meantime she is really hoping to spent six weeks in Morocco this summer learning Arabic. I can’t even quess how hard it will be for him if she gets to go study in Morroco this summer! I think he’ll be too worried to contain himself.</p>
<p>Our d is the oldest(her brother is in middle school and adores her and is dreading her leaving home).She will be working at a french camp in Washington this summer a long ways from home.I decided to drive her there and when I told her brother he’s coming he was in tears ! D is so ready to be in college and spent much of last summer abroad on an exchange. We’re all close and this trip will help us adjust to the change.
When she gets back she will have only a few days before she packs and we drive her to college(also across the country). Her brother is happy she’ll be in NJ so close to NYC and plans to visit alot.
Of course we all love her so much that when we drop her off at college there will be tears. But mostly our hearts will be bursting with pride at the person she has grown up to be.</p>
<p>My youngest, when faced with the departure of the older sibs, was so lonely. He managed to get us to agree to adopt 3 guinea pigs (started as one, but y’know…) and a 95 pound Akita mixed breed from our SPCA.</p>
<p>I know we can’t feed the guinea pigs to the dog and will have to care for all 4 as my youngest son’s legacy.</p>
<p>I’ve gotten very pals-y with the doggie, so that’s good.</p>
<p>Anyone want to trade kids? My high school senior treats everyone wonderfully except her parents!!</p>
<p>Wise words from my mother, who had six children:
“They act that way so you don’t mind quite so much when they leave. Otherwise, it would break your heart.”</p>
<p>This article says it all:</p>
<p><a href=“http://www.salon.com/sept97/mothers/college970908.html[/url]”>http://www.salon.com/sept97/mothers/college970908.html</a></p>
<p>Susan</p>
<p>Waaaaaaa!!! That nailed it!!</p>
<p>I think we also have to recognize that while we are going to miss them terribly, we are going to be left with a hole in our lives, we are going to come home to an empty house – they are going off to the greatest adventure they’ll ever had, they are going off to greater independence, they are going off to live and study with like-minded age peers.</p>
<p>No wonder we’re having very different experiences.</p>
<p>Please keep in mind that this summer will probably be the last time your kids see the friends they grew up with.</p>
<p>I will NEVER forgive my parents for making me stay around and watch movies with them all summer so that I only saw my best friends 4 or 5 times out of 4 months. They never let me borrow the car to see friends and would not let me go on all the weekend trips they went on. I’m in college 1000 miles away from home while all my friends went to the same 4 or 5 schools in the South and I have absolutely no reason to go home because I have no friends left.</p>
<p>Keep your kids locked up and I guarantee you’ll never see them for more than a few weeks a year again. I’ve found internships and classes that keep me away from home for all but 3 weeks during the summer and I do not go home for any other breaks. I am too depressed to stay home because my parents are at work, my brother is at school/band, and I have no friends left because of my parents’ attempts to bond before I left. Many of my friends at school suffered similar experiences, though most of them had cars to be able to get away from it all with.</p>
<p>Sooz…thanks for that post that has caused much more than misty eyes. Now I’m going to have to go out and pull weeds or something so I get myself together before the 2 D’s get home from school. Thanks A LOT!!! ;)</p>
<p>Thanks SO much for that article…tears streaming down my face when I think about my 2 leaving, one after the other. </p>
<p>This writer described EXACTLY how things were between D and me 3 years ago during that last summer. Only I didn’t get lucky and have the breakthrough night when I knew she really wasn’t mad at me…
S took surly to a new level and still is pretty much the champion. Even when he comes home, my husband and I both feel like we can’t do anything right.</p>
<p>Things do get better, but I guess it totally depends on the kid as to when. D is pretty close, but it may be quite awhile for S. I’m still waiting but hopeful.</p>
<p>With my daughter, I received quite a lot of the “distancing” stuff. She pretty much pushed me away and it was kinda rough going there for a bit. I handled it mostly by just sitting around feeling sorry for myself, and when that didn’t work, I tried to pour on guilt, which made it all even worse. We got it patched, thankfully.</p>
<p>With my son, it’s just been smooth sailing all the way. We’re having a wonderful time trying to get back to some of the things that bring us the most pleasant memories. We know you can never go back, but we are finding out it sure is nice to try.</p>
<p>The difference I see is that with my daughter, I provided something against which to push. With my son, I didn’t.</p>
<p>I hear ya, Silver Clover. My parents used to insist that I spend three solid summer months at home. Ugh. </p>
<p>There are so many different ways to accomodate that need for kids to say goodbye to their beloved peers. Imprisoning your children is not a good solution, LOL.</p>
<p>We took the stance that the kids were welcome to do the fond farewelling at our house or via our goodbye parties. There were couple of really really morose days :eek: …following an overseas departure or something. When it came time for him to go to the airport, I was ready to lose the twenty 18 year olds out of my house, I tell you what.</p>
<p>End result? S’s friends stop by for dinner when they are on break–even if he isn’t.</p>
<p>I didn’t realize this, but this is…totally true!!! I did the same thing during my senior year, as did my friends. I didn’t realize how big of a lifestyle change it was until now that I look back and reminisce…</p>
<p>I must admit, that was probably the most memorable summer of my grade school years. Most of us realized that this was the last time in our lives where everyone could be together, with all of summer to just relax. We made sure that the last summer together was going to be the best. </p>
<p>Most of my friends are now scattered across the nation moving onwards with their goals. Long distance is always hard, but I manage to keep in touch with some of them.</p>
<p>My son was passive aggressive all last summer. Now, after a year away he’s a sweetie. Do keep in mind that they are anxious about the big change they’re about to make, and sometimes that gets directed negatively at their good ol’ parents. Thankfully it’s not forever.</p>
<p>my parents were pretty flexible about letting me balance friends and family. i’d be with my friends about half the time, and spend the rest of my nights at home.</p>
<p>all of my friends would rotate houses to hang out at, and our parents would host special dinners. no one asked them to do it: they figured that since we’d be at someone’s house anyway, they wanted to do something nice for us (and give them an excuse to hang around and talk to us before we all scattered!)</p>
<p>i’ve always been really close to my parents (i’m an only kid) and i found myself in an interesting position. whenever i was home, i wanted to be out with my friends. whenever i was out, i wanted to be home, watching TV and eating dinner on the couch with my parents.</p>
<p>i felt a pressure to do as much as i could with as many people as i could. this was one less time at this friend’s house. one less time we would all play super smash. one less after-dinner chick flick with my mom. soon it would be the LAST this, the last that. the clock was counting down, and i was silently panicking. </p>
<p>i didn’t realize that, in my case (and i am lucky in this respect), nothing really was the last. well, the last day of high school, the last graduation… but not the last time i’d see my friends. and play super smash. and drive around town aimlessly looking for food. </p>
<p>nor was it the beginning of the end of closeness to my family. while i don’t see them except for breaks, i talk with them nearly every day. i’m not homesick: i’m just close to them. </p>
<p>for a soon-to-be-freshman, however, the future is unknown. and unknowns are TERRIFYING to a lot of us.
will i see him again?
will i lose her as a friend?
will i be okay in college?
will i be homesick?
what if i don’t fit in?
what the hell am i DOING?</p>
<p>even though we don’t acknowledge our worries out loud, we have them. we’re leaving our comfort zones. our friends and family who used to be our safety net are suddenly going to be far away. college is a great opportunity for change: but all of these changes are coming at us at once!</p>
<p>we have to survive in a dorm room, navigate a new town, meet a bazillion new people, try to find friends, not wash whites with reds, avoid credit card debt, and…
…try to make a new home for ourselves out of all the pieces.</p>
<p>so yes, we push you away.
but yes, we do realize what you do for us. it just usually takes a few weeks to realize that you aren’t making our lunches, doing our laundry, or just… being there for us when we need you. not anymore.
so when we come home for the first time, yes, we’ll have changed. because we KNOW. because we’ve been there.</p>
<p>i hope that this perspective (of a current college freshman) helps :)</p>