<p>Breaking up is hard for everyone and maybe esp for the moms who want only puppies and rainbows for our kids! It is a loss and loss hurts but it is part of life. I would give her the “when one door shuts another opens but it is up to you to walk through the door” speech. If we don’t eperience some angst in life then we are not fully living.</p>
<p>While I know “Breaking up is hard to do,” I think the D is wrong to get upset about the change of status on facebook. Whenever a girl and a guy are part of the same group of friends, there’s going to be gossip about the break-up. So, if the OP’s D told a few friends that she broke up with him, it would only be a matter of time before someone called him and said “I heard a rumor that you and OP’S D broke up. Is that true?” And people who are friends with both might bring up her name in conversation with him just naturally. My guess is that changing his status was the guy’s way of dealing with that. He’s letting a lot of people know that “it’s over” so he doesn’t have to talk about it and answer questions about whether the rumors are true. </p>
<p>So, I don’t think she should think he did it to hurt her–I doubt that he did. It’s just his way of avoiding some awkward conversations.</p>
<p>abaslet- I completely understand what you are saying and I understand how your daughter felt about the facebook status change. It’s like the first time you see your ex-spouse not wearing his/her wedding ring. Even though YOU might have ended (or supported the end of) the relationship, it’s still sort of the “finality” of the thing that is brought home- and with this generation it is through the status updates. All sorts of signaling goes on through “Away” messages on AIM as well as the top-line status updates on facebook (James is…) besides the “relationship status” line.<br>
One kid’s ex-gf “unfriended” him and blocked him completely. He wasn’t particularly upset, but it is still a little bit of a slap- even though he was the one who ended the relationship.
Also, remember that these are 18-21 year olds and don’t have the lifetime of experience that some of us do. I broke up with plenty of boyfriends back in the day, but still got upset if they DARED to ask someone else out!</p>
<p>Thanks people (insert heart here)</p>
<p>I like the “when one door closes” piece of advice!</p>
<p>Two of my DDs are still friends/friendly with all of their ex BFs; some took longer than others, but the couple needs enough time apart and without each other to form new daily habits and get out of the habit of each other, to get over the raw pain. Tell your DD to take the high road in all dealings and be classy and after he is accustomed to the idea (remember, it just happened, but she has been thinking about it for some time and he needs thinking time, too) they may be able to become friendly again.</p>
<p>One very immature BF really hurt my DD by talking trash, but even he got over it and apologised. I just encouraged the one doing the break up to be civil and gracious with NO HINT of getting back together and allow the person to sift through the emotions and feelings before expecting friendship</p>
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<p>Mine is back to being very good friend( but not quite GF status) with ex-BF that I was wondering why did she break up with him in the first place. I think part of it was due to stress Senior year.</p>
<p>To the OP, your daughter is young, and there are plenty of other people to meet and get to know. I never liked the whole, “let’s remain friends” thing, but I know other people can differ. I think that this can lead to prolonged unhappiness if one person still wants to get together with the other.</p>
<p><strong>I never liked the whole, “let’s remain friends” thing, but I know other people can differ. I think that this can lead to prolonged unhappiness if one person still wants to get together with the other.</strong></p>
<p>Not necessarily. D broke up with bf about a year ago; she just did not want to continue dating him, but hoped to remain friends. He moved the relationship to a friendship level - he had to, although it was clear for a bit that he wanted the bf-gf relationship. D never wavered; he was a friend and she sent no conflicting messages to the contrary. Time passed, and he has a new gf. He and d remain friends; he touches base with her every so often and she responds. She’s comfortable with keeping in touch and he seems to value her friendship. I’m glad as he was a nice boy. I think one and all (d included) are pleased that he seems happy.</p>
<p>BTW - When she broke it off, either her sister or brother wondered whether he (different hs) would let friends think he had moved on, instead of her. D’s response was that it didn’t matter - if it made him feel better or salvaged his pride to act like he had dumped her, then let him do so. I think she felt bad enough to cause heartache that she allowed him to handle it “however” he needed.</p>