<p>No one will be judging you on your adherence to “rules” that are regularly and intentionally broken by educated people. Based on your post, your natural way of phrasing sentences is probably sufficiently grammatical.
Yes, but don’t overuse them. (I have a tendency to do this.)
It’s weird how “my mother” and “my little brother” are separate from “my family” as though they’re not part of it. I would say “the rest of my family,” but it might be kind of clunky.<br>
“Escaped” somehow doesn’t seem active enough. I think it would be nice to have a word that conveys how you intentionally dove into your imagination rather than thinking about the outside world, but “dove” in particular would be a lot worse than “escaped.”
Could “lengthy ruminations and deep introspections” be changed into something more specific and…visualizable?
Everyone wonders about things like this. Could you make the questions more specific to you?
I don’t think you need the word “mortality” three times in one paragraph.
Again, it’s cliched because it’s not specific enough.
Yeah, I agree. I can’t be sure without seeing the whole essay, but I’m concerned that this is too…brooding and overwrought to adequately answer the prompt. Colleges are trying to see how you could add to their campus community. </p>