<p>“Now, with the recent release of UC Berkeley alumna Kim Wong Keltners memoir, Tiger Babies Strike Back, along with other scholarly works and testimonials, the debate over how to raise successful (and happy) kids is resurfacing. The difference today is, researchers have amassed even more data on the pros and cons of the authoritarian approach that has come to be known as tiger-parenting, and the results are in.”</p>
<p>It has been known for some time now that the authoritative style of parenting is most effective. The authoritarian style is usually harsh and creates a range of problems for the child. It is good to see more publicity confirming this.</p>
<p>I find it interesting that the focus remains on Asian/Asian-American parents when I saw and heard about plenty of examples of such “Tiger parenting” or more accurately, strict “old world” parenting from childhood and middle/HS classmates of various ethnicities. </p>
<p>Those ethnicities ranged from Jewish to African-American/Latino…though there are some minor differences in goals…such as the Vietnam Vet/retired Marine Drill Sergeant who disciplined his son…my elementary school classmate as if he was a Marine boot camp recruit and was very disappointed in him when he failed to gain admission to any of the Federal Service Academies…especially Annapolis. Even a 4 year Army ROTC scholarship to a private university covering all tuition and expenses wasn’t good enough for this father. </p>
<p>I knew of some Irish, Italian, and Latino-American Catholic families who were insistent their kids “must” gain admission to Georgetown, Notre Dame, Holy Cross, BC, etc. </p>
<p>An older former supervisor who later became a close friend recounted a WASP co-worker* with a highly micromanaging wealthy father who threatened to disinherit & cut off all family contact with his son if he failed to gain admission and attend Princeton. Even Yale and Harvard were no good to this demanding father. It was Princeton or the son will be disinherited and completely cut off from the family on the father’s orders. </p>
<p>Son obediently went to Princeton, majored in engineering/CS, graduated, bided his time until he got his large inheritance*, and then decided to cut off all further contact with said father…and the father had the chutzpah to wonder why his son won’t see him in his old age. Gee…I wonder why…</p>
<p>In short…this form of parenting is common across races/ethnicities…and goes back a long ways in American history if older Stuy alums, classmates’ parents, and college Profs who graduated HS/college as far back as the 1930’s/40’s are any indication. </p>
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<li>Co-worker was around the same age/slightly older than my friend which means his undergrad years were probably sometime in the early to late 1970’s. He was working because he was passionately interested in computer engineering/programming and loved the company of his colleagues including my friend.</li>
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<p>The overbearing father controlled someone else’s will?</p>
<p>On the other hand, it is surprising that the son in this case held out that long. Once graduated and in a decent job and career, some people treated that way may just decide that the inheritance is not something they care about enough to put up with the overbearing father.</p>
<p>He basically was an extremely authoritarian patriarch of the family in the extreme 1950s or earlier mode with control over the family fortune. Sounded like everyone in that family accepted the patriarchical control or were intimidated into silence. </p>
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<p>While it was unstated, I surmise the son bided his time to get the inheritance not only for its benefits, but as a way to get back at his tyrannical father.</p>
<p>This is a fascinating clip that follows three Asian American high school girls as they prepare and apply for Ivy League college admission. I can’t recommend this clip highly enough, as it’s extremely thought provoking. I wonder if these girls’ experiences are typical for Asian American high school students, and Asian CC members in particular. Are there Asian American parents here that wish to weigh in on this video, and discuss your own views? Please do. I’d love to read them.</p>
<p>Unlikely to be typical – by 10th or 11th grade, the great majority of Asian American (and other) high school students should know that they are not getting into a super-selective college.</p>
<p>In California’s state universities (both UC and CSU), there are about 130,000 Asian American undergraduates. Add another 105,000 or so Asian American students in California’s two year community colleges to get about 235,000 Asian American students going to various state schools just in California. That is about four times the total number of undergraduates (of any race or ethnicity) for the entire Ivy League.</p>
<p>I’m an Asian American and my dad grew up here, while my mom didn’t. I had a 4.0 in school, was involved in numerous EC’s, and played sports, while winning every award my school offered. However, I love to party…maybe more than I should. </p>
<p>I think the key is space. At an early age, my parents really reinforced academic principles and stressed the need to do well. As I grew up, they kept giving me more space. I can casually talk to my dad about my weekend and not worry about being reprimanded because we both know that I am ambitious and extremely driven toward success. I also hate the idea of stupidly lying to my parents. If I’m going to a party, yes, I will say it. If I lie and something happens, that would make the situation ten times worse. My parents trust me and recognize my adulthood. </p>
<p>*I will add that the my high levels of stress are primarily stress are self-inflicted. I wouldn’t dream of blaming my parents because in my family, success is just expected. My parents don’t need to force me to do well. It’s kind of an innate drive. Balancing my life is difficult because I work hard but play harder. I accept that at the moment, my priority is to have a good time. But in no way, will that good time conflict with me excelling in another spheres of my life. </p>
<p>Life is hard. Would it be any fun if it were easy?</p>
<p>I just thought this thread needed a non-parent perspective.</p>