I think both students demonstrate academic performance and mettle, and they would attract attention from some of the colleges they are applying to.
But that’s only on paper.
I would be more interested in learning a little bit more about the applicant.
For me, their background, circumstance and challenges they faced would assist in the evaluation process, as it would further breathe life to their resume, allowing me to gauge the depth of the individual. They wouldn’t be so one-dimensional anymore.
I’ve met students during my stay at UCLA (ok, not a Harvard, Yale or Stanford) who wrote about some of the challenging circumstances they faced while going through high school. Nothing too dramatic, but a topic one may think to be very ordinary and easy to dismiss.
Some of these students genuinely thought they didn’t have a chance (though they backed up their application with a solid GPA and SAT scores, but nothing perfect or ultra competitive like their peers). To them, their essay was the only lifeline and voice amid the thousands of applicants flooding the university review committee.
No fancy writing, nothing clever with the style, tone and diction, just authentic, organic writing about their background and challenge. That’s it. It was like they were having a back-and-forth conversation with the admissions reader.
Many of these applicants thought that the essays really helped to connect to the reader, and to assist them in gaining admission to UCLA. To them, it wasn’t about the numbers and extracurricular activities, but showing the reader that they were an individual with real concerns, worries and hopes.