<p>Please tell me that this is normal.</p>
<p>I came back home after a horrible year at Utah State University.
I was an aviation major (professional pilot kind of thing). Being in Utah, it was super mormon. As for myself, coming from Liberal not so religious california, I made absolutely no friends in utah. I just made acquaintances. When I went there I was super happy to have left home to get a new start, but came november I was extremely irritable. I had already been depressed in High School and managed to pull myself out of it, and I’m back at it again. I hated highschool, I didn’t have many friends there either, so I didn’t miss home at all. Everyone was about the parties, drinking, who ‘got laid’ and all that nonsense. I just couldn’t find anyone with similar interests. Towards the end of the year of HS, I managed to be very close friends this one girl from high school. </p>
<p>She was amazing, very smart, sweet, isn’t a drama queen, athletic , not religious and an outdoorsy kind of girl that doesn’t have sex, drink extensively or smoke. I chose her because she makes decisions for herself. She has dignity and she is wise beyond her young years, and It has completely frustrated me that i couldn’t find ANYONE, like her in Utah. We went to separate schools, and we skyped at least once a week just so i can keep my sanity.Not a single person that was similar. The only kinds of people i came across were those that were extremely religious, those that would be nice but wouldn’t be friends with you, or the kinds of people that were only into finding parties. Even the other people in my program seemed like they wanted ot have absolutely nothing to do with each other. I know that kind of people that I’m looking for, but most of the people i can relate to are 4-5 years older than I am. It just seems people in their late 20s are just now starting ot get their act together. After a good month I was starting to feel, angered. After every negative experience I had with those that were religious, conservative or wanted to find parties, I kept repressing the negative memory. Fast forward to 2nd semester, After becoming irritable, my psychological health had deteriorated. I kept being told by my friend and my parents that " it will get better", yea sure that is easier said than done. I hadn’t flown in almost 2 months because of bad weather, 1st semester I had a professor accuse me of cheating that was also incompetent teaching. 2nd semester I had a professor that was totally unfair and put material on our tests that weren’t apart of the reading, not flying for 2 months, not even making true friends it sure got worse, not better. </p>
<p>After repressing so much negativity, I blew up. I couldn’t control anything, I did not care for anyone, feelings, happiness, did not care. At that point, I kind of exposed my friend’s relationship with an older man back home that she had kept a secret. She told me she wasn’t having sex with him, because he already has 2 kids, but I know she sleeps with him, so I don’t know what i was so angry about about it. In the beginning I told her that I was totally fine with it and told her to do what ever she needed to do to feel happy and would help her avoid those that would treat her badly, but being irritable, depressed and angered I had changed my mind apparently and thought an 18yo wasn’t ok with a 37 yo man. So, after that mid way through 2nd semester, we weren’t friends anymore. I was upset and ashamed I let myself go that far. Severe depression lingered, and I went for help. After about 8 meetings with the counselor, she suggested I leave (rare). I found it surprising that many of the students she dealt with had the same kind of issues with making friends because of the religious atmosphere. It was probably one of the worst experiences I’ve ever had. So now I came back home and I’m doing some community college to get generals and prereqs out of the way for business. I am slowly recovering from severe psychological damage that had been diagnosed. (7 months later and still trying to be happy.
Sorry for such a long post…finding the middle ground people are excruciatingly hard to find.</p>