The worst feeling - about going back to college

College Life
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<p>(Sorry for writing so much)</p>

<p>First, some relevant background information:</p>

<p>I had a 3.4 (overall) GPA in high school, without ever studying. I mean I never brought a book home from high school…ever. I probably could have had a 4.0 if I actually applied myself, but the only subjects I cared about (math, history, music theory, sciences) I never needed to study. I just put my head down in government and stupid classes like that (not really stupid classes, I just don’t care about stuff like that). </p>

<p>Then I applied to Ohio State University (or as they so egotistically say, THE Ohio State University) and was accepted. I initially applied to the music college, and had to audition (and was accepted), but decided not to major in music. </p>

<p>So cutting to the crux of the issue:</p>

<p>I went in the autumn quarter, but for only one week. It was the worst experience of my life. I had the worst feeling of homesickness (to the point where I was contemplating suicide) and my classes were terrible. There were like 300 kids in every lecture class, my calc TA had the thickest accent, which made it impossible to understand her, and my chem class was just abysmal. All of the students, on the first day of lab, knew all the instruments and equipment and what, while I struggled with completing measuring (the TA said that you can’t touch anything when measuring, because the oil from your hands can change the weight, so we had to use tongs and I was dropping everything all the time). When the teacher called out what Sulfuric Acid comprised of (among other acids), everyone shouted out the answer. IT WAS THE FIRST DAY! How the hell was I supposed to know? I went over that in high school, but come on, not even a review?!??!</p>

<p>So I called my parents, and they said I could come home, which was great. I got a full refund for the quarter and everything. </p>

<p>Now my friend is going to OSU, and finally I will have someone there with me (I was by myself there before, and I have social anxiety disorder, so it was impossible to talk to anyone, let alone share the bathrooms). So I decided to go back in the spring.</p>

<p>Then, yesterday, I started getting these panic attacks and I was thinking about how horrible the first time was, and now I don’t know what to do. My parents keep saying how proud they are of me and how they want me to do something big with my life (my mom even said she wanted to be able to call me doctor one day). But I have that feeling from when I was at school. It’s terrible. I’m scared of not being able to pass the classes, much less being competitive with other students. I am afraid that my social anxiety disorder will make it impossible to make friends (I once walked around a gym four times in the city where I live because I was too afraid the people would stare at me on the way in. I eventually just left.). I am afraid of everything about college. </p>

<p>I really do want to learn things though. I love music and wanted to major in that, but I also love science. Music doesn’t pay the bills. Science does. I love both, so why not go with that. But it’s going to be really difficult, I realize that, but what if I can’t do it (I know most people might go through this, but in my chem class I was lost…I mean damn, it was the first day and I was lost). I want to be able to graduate and help my parents financially. I want to be able to have an interesting job. </p>

<p>But this terrible feeling is so overwhelming. My parents keep telling me I can go places, but I’m not so sure (the only place I might go is six feet under if this feeling persists).</p>

<p>Anyone have an experience like this, or part of it, that can offer some words of wisdom that can at least make me feel somewhat better? </p>

<p>Thanks.
-Troubled</p>

2

<p>^ Actually, some of us DO take the time to read it. </p>

<p>OP, have you tried a therapist? If you have anxiety disorders you absolutely MUST take care of those before you even consider going back to school. If you go back to school with this anxiety, you will more than likely have the same outcome and the more you have trouble going back, the more discouraged you will be. Try a therapist if it’s possible and then take a year off to work before going back next fall. Getting a job will get you out of the house and most jobs will force you to interact with people, plus you can save up money for school. </p>

<p>Hope that helps, best of luck!</p>

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<p>hmmm, maybe, but that costs a lot.</p>

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<p>I agree with romanigypsyeyes. I have anxiety disorders myself and they are brutal even when you aren’t in college, college makes it worse and you need to be prepared to handle your mental health while you’re there even with the added challenges. I also think a recognition that you may have to make up for your high school ways may be in order-- the other kids may have known sulfuric acid on the first day because they studied in high school and you didn’t. I didn’t either and had a major wake up call my first year of school and had to do a lot of back pedaling to establish all the study skills most kids already have by the time they get to college. Just because you passed the classes doesn’t mean you learned what you were supposed to.</p>

<p>I think the most important thing here, though, is going to be managing your anxiety disorders. Do not go back to school if you are not ready. It is bad for you and for your future, if you do poorly because you are so anxious your future employers will not be sympathetic.</p>

<p>ETA: Therapy does not cost nearly as much as failing out of school, you’re lucky you got a refund the first time. If you do not have mental health coverage on your insurance many therapists will work out a deal with you, it’s worth looking into and at least talking to your parents about.</p>

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<p>It would cost a lot less than failing a semester because of your anxiety.</p>

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<p>That’s true. It is less expensive than failing. I’ll look into it.</p>

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<p>Plus, the emotional toll it would take would be far greater than any financial toll. If you have insurance, they are often fairly decent with necessary mental issues. It is definitely worth looking into.</p>

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<p>There’s a thread in the Parents’ forum about depression and college students and the problem outcomes that can result. There are medications to control anxiety but you’d probably be best seeing a psychiatrist and a psychologist for an evaluation and maybe medication.</p>

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<p>Sounds like you would be suited for a smaller, liberal arts school. OSU is huge and that’s definitely overwhelming, academically and socially. Don’t bank on your friend to improve your entire experience. I think you should apply to a small school close to home (but live on campus!) and see a therapist about your social anxiety.</p>

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<p>LOL i probaby could have had a 4.0 in high school if i studied??? Well why didn’t you study then. Theres a big difference between applying yourself and not. I didn’t apply myself a ton in high school but you should mature and learn college determines what you do in life and is wicked important.</p>

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<p>I was going to make the same suggestion as icanread. Get therapy and look for a small, personalized school.</p>

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<p>I agree 100% that a small, more personalized environment would be a much better choice under the circumstances. A large school like Ohio State can feel isolating and overwhelming. A small school where the professors care and get to know each student and the class size is small would feel much more comfortable to an anxious student. It is also easier to get to know the other students. Do you have any small LAC’s near home? </p>

<p>Another option would be to take some classes at your local community college or another small local college while living home and sort of dip your toe into the water of college. That way you can get family support while taking a couple of classes and move more slowly into the college experience. </p>

<p>The adjustment to college is huge even for the most socially adept students. Don’t feel that there is only one way to go. There are many different paths you can take to fulfill your dreams and have the successful future you are hoping for.</p>

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<p>I had a similar experience when I was adjusting to college. In high school I could maintain a high GPA by doing minimal studying, etc. College was a big adjustment - I had come from a small high school and lived a sheltered life. My first few weeks were miserable - I spent every day during orientation crying about missing my parents and my old friends. My poor attitude hampered making friends and I felt pretty alone. I had some pretty depressive thoughts and some major panic attacks during those first few weeks - school was tough and the social life was tougher. </p>

<p>In my classes, I definitely felt pretty behind. People in my English class were waging persuasive arguments about the texts we were reading and I was just amazed. I had gone from being top of my class in high school to just struggling to stay afloat in college. </p>

<p>I came home a few weeks into it - I was so miserable that I contemplated dropping out. But, I forced myself to go back and adopted a somewhat positive attitude. I found some friends and some activities to keep me busy and, like they said, I was able to get through most of it. The anxiety didn’t go away until half way through the semester, but it did go away. Now, college, well, it isn’t the best thing ever - but it’s pretty good. My grades suffered this semester, but I measure my achievements in the fact that I made decent enough grades at a tough, tough college and overcame all of the emotional challenges facing me at the beginning. </p>

<p>Also, OSU probably has a free counseling service that you can go to. I went to one at my college and saw a counselor for a few weeks before moving into a group therapy session. The counseling really helped and if your problem is severe, they can refer you to a psychiatrist. If you return to OSU, definitely go in there for some help - it’s sometimes just nice to have someone to tell your feelings to.</p>