<p>What did you do with your children’s rooms, or expect of the kids, when they left for college?</p>
<p>I think it is reasonable to expect the kids to leave the rooms clean. Of course I expect them to come back and all, so I am not exactly changing to rooms in to craft rooms or anything. </p>
<p>In our case, both kids leaving for college share their rooms, but have not been good roommates to their siblings. Oldest son leaves soon for college. His room is so messy! And in his case, it is a bunch of junk and trash everywhere. There is no room for his brother “G” to put anything. Both dressers are full of junk on the tops. I already made him clear out the desk, since he was just using it to store things he hasn’t looked at in years. I let him put what he wants to save in the bottom drawer. I really think he needs to clear off both dressers, even if it means stuff gets dumped in to a rubbermaid container and stuck in a closet. Has anyone dealt with this?</p>
<p>And our daughter is a different situation. The drawers are full, the closet is filled to the brim. Her little sister has her clothes in our closet and such. Her floors are lined with stuff, including books and a variety of keepsakes. Under her bed is full of underbed containers of clothes that she no longer wears but refuses to give to charity. In her case, everything is decent stuff, just, unreasonable for her to leave her room with all these books and keep sakes lining the walls. I am fine with her still having half the closet when she goes, but think it is excessive for her to continue to have every last square inch taken up with stuff. We still have a year before she goes. Would you just store her stuff? Or buy more furniture so things like her spoon rack and her art projects can be kept in her room? She kind of collects things too. She has iron musical notes and spoons, and tons and tons of music and a bunch of old books, etc. For her, she technically shares with her little sister, but her little sister has only slept in there once or twice since she was born. She is a 1 yr old. This is fine with us. But once older daughter moves out, I would like to move some of younger daughter’s things in there.</p>
<p>While my D2 does not share a room, she has been working on this chore this week. I have given her a big black garbage bag (more where that came from if needed) and a box for Goodwill items. Told her that if she doesn’t do the sorting, I will, and she may not like the result. I reminded her that the longest she will live in her room again is over a summer, and in fact I do plan to downsize in a year or two. So one way or another this stuff will be packed up and/or leaving. I would suggest you tell your oldest kids that for about 9 months of the year this room will be their younger sibling’s room now, and they need to get rid of all the stuff they don’t really need. And that you will do it if they don’t… then follow through. </p>
<p>You can give them shorter deadlines. Yesterday I asked D2 to work on the bookshelves under her window sheet today. Tomorrow I will ask her to work on the closet. Next week we will sort all her clothes into 3 piles - going to college, staying home for breaks, going to Goodwill/throwing out. Breaking down the task into managable chunks helps. If my kid refused… I would either take away privileges or take away their stuff altogether…</p>
<p>We actually plan to downsize in the next few years too. We don’t really like the schools where we are, plus, we have a huge house. We really could go with a smaller house, in a nicer school district, and reduce the price by enough to go debt free. Paying for two kids in college is hard enough, without continuing to pay for a huge house with half the kids having moved out.</p>
<p>Not sure if your kids know that, but if they do it can be a helpful argument. Reminding my two Ds that I don’t want to move their stuff if I don’t have to has gotten them moving (along with specific requests of working on various tasks in their rooms).</p>
<p>My youngest daughter actually took care of her room on her own initiative. She cleaned everything out from under the bed and got rid of a lot of stuff. What is left fits in her tiny closet so I have been able to use her dresser for storage of my own stuff.</p>
<p>My older daughter has not gotten rid of anything and right now there are toys stored in her closet and under her bed (and on her bed) and her large collection of books is in a bookcase, on the dresser, and in stacks (where I stacked them) against her wall. And she hasn’t been home for more than 3 weeks in 3 years. I don’t need the space for anything but if I did I would take care of boxing up her stuff myself. I don’t think she (or her father) is ready to admit she doesn’t live there anymore.</p>
<p>If I were you I would have younger D do it now but not because of going away to college, that could make her feel insecure and like she is being pushed out. I would just say its time for a spring cleaning.</p>
<p>I don’t have sons but I know from my husband that males aren’t so good at cleaning up - in his case I would probably do it after he goes to college - you can get second son to help since it will be his room now - and maybe D will get more motivated by seeing you and S2 getting the job done.</p>
<p>Breaking it down into smaller tasks for them is really helpful. My parents left my room until I bought my house-- I had to move home after graduation for 9 months, then I moved in with a boyfriend I’d known for three months so we all agreed it was a good idea to leave the room for a while. A year later we are engaged and own a home, and now dad is getting kind of angry. I have no emotional attachment to the room anymore and it is still daunting, it’s just a huge task. Better to at least do some pruning of clutter now so when they are REALLY ready to move on (and are way too freaking busy to deal with a childs bedroom anymore) it will already be partway done.</p>
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<p>I like this idea. I was ready to move out and didn’t have any problems moving out the minute I could afford it, but when I was first going away and my parents discussed the idea of taking my room it was really upsetting. It is scary to pull up roots before you’ve really put down new ones, especially so young.</p>
<p>D2 & D3 shared a room, so when D1 moved out, D3 claimed her room. </p>
<p>We had D1 move all things she was not taking with her into the attic. She was really horrible about keeping her room clean. I mean REALLY horrible. After she left, and all her things were gone, I did a deep cleaning, and we moved D3 in.</p>
<p>D2’s room is the nicest, cleanest and best decorated in the house. It stays “as is” while D2 is in college. She mostly cleans it before she leaves, and then I go in behind her to dust, clean the carpet, etc. </p>
<p>D3’s room will be mostly the same. There has been some talk of my using it for an exercise room, but I don’t think I will. When the girls get their own “forever” place, then I’ll repurpose the rooms.</p>
<p>I tend to “prune”. Judicial editing of just about everything. I don’t think anybody has ever missed anything (that I’ve heard about) but a LOT has been thrown out and slowly transformed most of our living spaces. DD’s room is now more of a guest room but still reflects her personality to some extent (just a lot less clutter).
If I waited for the kids to get rid of their own stuff, I’d still have size 3 toddler clothing…</p>
<p>This task (along with getting a rental ready for sale) took over my summer. Each of my kids had 15 years of “stuff” in their rooms. It was a horrible, daunting task. I should have never let it get so bad. OK, it was even worse than it looked…</p>
<p>Emotionally, I really didn’t want to admit they’ll never live here again. S1 is getting married next summer, so I hired a painter for upstairs. The deadline of her coming got me motivated. D helped with her room. I did the boys’ myself. They were given plenty of warning to get what they wanted I kept what I felt they would want. Now D has a new bedroom and I’ll have 2 empty rooms, but…they are clean!</p>
<ol>
<li>Kids throw out and box for charity what they are emotionally able to part with at that time.</li>
<li>Later, when they are not around, I throw out stuff and clothes I absolutely know they don’t care about.</li>
<li>I box up everything else that is not lovingly displayed, kept on the bed, worn regularly, needed or used occasionally.</li>
<li>The boxed stuff I store for a good length of time (several years).</li>
<li>When enough time has passed, We go through the stored stuff together, or they do it alone. It is amazingly easier for them to get rid of junk they haven’t seen in a few years. Stuff they couldn’t bear to part with three years ago is tossed without a second thought. </li>
</ol>
<p>This has worked at every age with my three, from preschool through college. My oldest just did a college graduation purge. Everything that had been spread between his room and his college rental came home when he graduated. He found $300 in cash in a few old birthday cards he had forgotten about.</p>
<p>I go home now to my parents house after 35 years of marriage and look at my old bedroom. My dad has taken it over as his office space. Even now, I always think MOM would’ve made us clean this up!</p>
<p>Without my prodding, when son came home from college he did a major purge of all old clothes, papers, books etc and reorganized his room so it is set up like a studio apt with a futon couch facing the TV and his bed in a separate area. He said, now my room can be a spare room if someone needs to sleep there while I’m gone. </p>
<p>For him, it was making the room be a transition room since he now views himself as not living there during the year. All old life of HS gone. Nice of him to think that his setting it up how he did made it usable for us to use for someone else to stay.</p>
<p>Our S in his HS SR year had us buy a futon bed for his room and one for living room. He put a large TV he won in his room and cleaned most of the room out. It is very usable as a guest room and we have had folks stay in it. S lives in VA but did spend summer after freshman and sophomore year in his room. He also stayed in his room for about 6 months while awaiting a security clearance. </p>
<p>D has more trouble sorting and parting with STUFF. She has lived at home longer and comes home every summer. We haven’t done much to her room and its still hers as long as she’s interested. </p>
<p>We could repurpose either of our kids’ rooms but feel no great need to and are ok with leaving them for now. Have no intention if moving or downsizing. Our home is only 3 bedrooms and two baths, so very comfortable for us. Total square footage is only about 1000 sq ft anyway.</p>
<p>Leaving for college means coming home for weekends, vacations and summers. Graduating from college and going on for more schooling or a job or having a year round apartment usually means merely visiting the family home occasionally. So, during the undergrad years the student still needs a home- yours. </p>
<p>I knew we would eventually downsize and during some breaks put stuff to be gone through out to be decided by son. The deal was he was supposed to go through the childhood toys and decide what to save and get rid of. I made decisions after he went back for the semester, sigh. When we actually were moving he was told we could only keep some childhood stuff. He came home a few weekends and actually took some books and things plus threw out those HS spirals and grade school projects that weren’t worth keeping. Gone were the generic kid soccer trophies and I dismantled the Lego creations. We moved only a few plastic storage cartons of his stuff- years from now when he settled down he can claim them for his closet.</p>
<p>It is easy for kids to shed their childhoods by leaving it all behind. It takes an “ultimatum”, threat, whatever to cause them to do something. The parents decide how much clutter can be stored once the nest is left. We had plenty of space in the old house so could leave his room for him. I organized the stuff left behind so I didn’t see a mess. It is a transition period.</p>
<p>Son’s room in HS, dorm and apartments were so messy- floors, not storage, filled with stuff. Had to remind myself it was his, not my, living space. His keeping his door closed helped.</p>
<p>Ugh. This is my life. D1 has not one but two bedrooms in our house w her stuff. (She move to 3rd floor former nanny/au pair suite when she was a junior). 2nd floor bedroom has several plastic under bed storage Boxes of beanie babies, closet is full of other keepsakes in plastic boxes and old purses, backpacks, etc. random clothes in drawers. 3rd floor has stacks of books and clothes she didn’t take to school. (She buys bags of paperbacks at rummage sales for a few dollars). </p>
<p>I keep asking her to go through it when she’s home , but she claims she doesn’t have time. She now lives in her own room in an off-campus house about 40 minutes away that we furnished through Craig’s list. </p>
<p>At least my son is receptive to a regular purge of his clothes and is not as much of a hoarder.</p>
<p>Both ours leave next week – one for good, one for school. I will need a flamethrower to rehab their rooms!</p>
<p>Seriously though, the look on S1s face when I said he’d need a bed was priceless. WhY can’t I take mine? he asked. Because you will still visit us on occasion, and be here for holidays with S2, and you can’t sleep on the floor. </p>
<p>He beamed. For once in my life, I said the right thing.</p>
I kept what I felt they would want. Now D has a new bedroom and I’ll have 2 empty rooms, but…they are clean!</p>