There and back again: a single mom of one's report

Parent Cafe
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<p>Well…lots of surprises–drop off was way different than I’d anticipated.</p>

<p>First came loading the car for the 6-hour drive. No surprises on either account…loading the car wasn’t fun; the six-hour drive wasn’t fun.</p>

<p>But move-in (at Cornell) was unbelieveable. If any of the Cornell OLs (orientation leaders) or volunteers are reading–hurray for you! You were AMAZING! 3,000 freshmen were moving in Friday (8/19)…it took us less than 1/2 hour to unload the car and get all S’s stuff upstairs to the 6th floor–and the upper classmen volunteers did all the “heavy lifting”…truly really amazing organization and helpfulness…a very good first impression as a Cornell parent…</p>

<p>There followed two days of settling in…excellent parent programming…lots of “sporadic sightings” of S…met his roommate and roommate’s family & had dinner Friday night…went shopping (at S’s request, but sans S) for food to fill the mini-fridge (and to get a hand-held vacuum: tIp: if there’s room in your vehicle, do bring a vacuum of some sort…the floor needed it desperately (bad enough that the two 18-year-old guys asked for it~) after unpacking…we bought a hand-held vac, but if we’d known, I’d have brought one from home…doubt the guys will ever use it again, but they sure did need it yesterday. Fortunately, there were lots of local discount stores (Lowes, Home Depot, KMart, WalMart) and I got a hand-held vac, which did the job nicely, for under $30…</p>

<p>“Kick-out dinner” (my term, not Cornell’s–they phrased it MUCH more nicely!) was last night…it wasn’t at all hard to leave dearly-loved S; he was SO happy to be there…I’d spent two days wandering the campus and felt totally comfortable about leaving him behind…</p>

<p>Drove home this a.m. Was just fine til about 15 minutes out from my house, when I got “stabbed” by the reality that S wouldn’t be home again for weeks…and not ever again “for good”…made it into the front door before breaking down…cried for about 15 minutes…hugged the dog A LOT…now I’m fine…still don’t know what’s around this bend in the road for me, but couldn’t be happier about S and where he is and how he’s doing…lots of pride; lots of satisfaction…but it will take a while before I dredge up the emotional strength to go clean up his room (which was left in the kind of disastrous condition one would expect from a completely partial (partially complete?) move-out!)…</p>

<p>I’d expected to be very emotional upon saying goodbye, but wasn’t. Didn’t see coming the emotional meltdown when I got back home…and certainly didn’t expect the confidence/joy that came with seeing S SO happy in his dorm room.</p>

<p>Sure hope it all goes even more smoothly for those of you still to experience this rite of passage over the next week or two…</p>

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<p>Thanks for the report, o-m, and a big hug for you… </p>

<p>I’ve been sitting alone in the kitchen this morning (the boys are both sleeping late and my H is still working overseas until Nov.), alternating between little crying fits and making food. I hope to minimize my time at work this week to spend as much time as I can (and as he’ll allow) helping S#1 pack up for his flight early Sat… and honestly, just burning into my mind images of him sitting in his room, at the kitchen table, curled up in bed, bopping down the stairs or around the corner, with a camera attached to the front of his face, pacing in the sun on the deck in his shorts talking on the phone… Just for the memories. I’m trying to cook his favorite meals this week, and am finishing assembly on Mom’s Greatest Hits cookbook: I wonder if he’ll ever use it (he doesn’t have a dorm food service). I won’t get to watch him unpack in his dorm room, so I’ll have to imagine that going well. I hope he calls once he gets there… And no room in the luggage for a vac, unfortunately, but it’s a great suggestion, thanks!</p>

<p>I realized this morning that I haven’t printed any family pictures for him to take with him. Since he’s Mister Digital, he probably wouldn’t notice the omission, but maybe a nicely framed family picture would be a good thing to give him this week sometime. </p>

<p>I just got back from giving him a morning wake-up kiss on the head and asked if he’d like some waffles this morning. He said, “Oh, YES, that would be so FANTASTIC, thank you SO much!” and smiled up at me. Luckily I got out of the room before he saw the tears start again. Those are the little closenesses I’ll miss powerfully when he’s gone.</p>

<p>I do so empathize, o-m: and you’re right, the knowledge of how happy they seem to be in their new surroundings will bring joy and confidence. But there’s still that hole, shaped just like the child who is now on to the rest of their life… You’ve done your wonderful work as a mom and now you get to share your joy and your child with the rest of the world.</p>

<p>Congratulations, and empathy. And many more big hugs.</p>

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<p>It sounds like I hope ours goes this Sunday. Thanks for the tip on the hand-held. I also am single mom of one a D. I plan on getting a dog - SOON!</p>

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<p>My boy is only 11, but still…, jsut the thought gets me teary eyed. You did a great job with him!!!</p>

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<p>I can totally relate! I’m a single mom who lives now 8000 miles away. It doesn’t hit you until you are truly there and comprehend the enormous nature of the move. It is a great and normal thing but certainly can never be very smooth…it’s just a new era with much possibility. The best thing is the internet! To get a message on the screen out of the blue “Hey, Mom, how are you doing?”</p>

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<p>Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. My son leaves for Duke tomorrow, and I should get some sleep so I have some good emotional resources to lean on for the excitement of moving in and for the release of my first-born to his future and his new future circle of college friends and inspirations. I found these posts comforting.</p>

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<p>Thanks for the cyberhugs and emotional support…I’m happy to report that it’s now 2 days later and I’m bouncing back…Sunday afternoon and yesterday were difficult…kept hitting these “crying jag spots”; they packed quite the emotional wallop! But today I’m feeling more like me and less like a bereft parent–who in actual fact is not at all bereft but rather justifiably proud of what a terrific new-minted adult she has just turned loose on the world!</p>

<p>S is doing his bit…I told him when I left that he could call anytime he wanted, and that I could (but wouldn’t) call him any time I wanted, too…told him I’d restrict myself to calling only about every 100th time I wanted to (he laughed, the intended result)…so far, he has IM’ed, emailed and called once…I initiated one email, to tell him some mail had arrived for him and that I’d be sending it on (he’ll not check mail very often, unless I tell him to expect something)…so, so far so good…</p>

<p>Cyberhugs back to all of you…and a particular big hug for Mootmom…your post came at the time I most acutely needed some comfort, and it helped a lot, Mootmom…happy days to all of us…</p>

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<p>I’m glad you shared it here, as I’m sure it helped you and we are all going through it too. I have trouble reading these threads because they make me cry. It reminds me of the whole thing which I am fine with until I think about it and VERY shortly will be doing it. I did all this last year with my oldest daughter and it was very much like your experience. I was SO happy and excited for her and I was not so much worried about her and I knew she’d have a great time and all that but for me to have my child gone (for good basically, unlike going to camp) was really tough. Leading up to it was not too bad except at the “final” this or that…her last concert, last game, etc. But when I said good bye, it was the real thing so I am not good with that and it makes me cry which even writing about it does! And then when I got in the car with my husband to go home it was hard to hold it together. Then for a couple weeks, it was still tough and hard to get used to and emotional at times. But honestly, I got used to it and it did not break me up so much after that. </p>

<p>Now, we are gearing up for my youngest to also start college and we leave on Saturday with her for move in day on Sunday. I’m all right until I think about it (like reading THIS thread!). We are really in the getting ready mode now and will be packing up soon. So, it is hitting me. It is the same thing again but also she is the youngest, is still sixteen in fact, is going to NYC (the most opposite setting from where she grew up), and it means NO kids at home any longer. A few days after I get back, then I leave again with my soph daughter and then, boom…oh boy…no kids. So far, I have not broke down because it has not really hit but we are getting into the leaving mode now. I do get teary eyed at her “lasts” also. About ten days ago, it was her last theater performance (she is going into musical theater and I have watched this kid in over 40 productions on stage and who knows when again) and then a voice recital a few days ago and then tomorrow night a piano recital (with some voice) and I know that’s it. Our lives have been full of going to all their activities and events but not much more. </p>

<p>So, glad you shared your story and that will be me in several days. It does get better but this is definitely really hard emotionally and it is hard to get used to the new situation. For me, with the younger one, I feel an element of worry as well just cause she is in the city, something I have not let her do on her own for like a day even before and so not knowing her whereabouts like I do now, is a major shift. I’ll get through it, I know. But I better stop reading these threads because it brings on the tears before I actually am gonna have to shed them with my own kids!</p>

<p>Susan</p>

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<p>We had the same experience at Cornell 2 years ago. I had heard horror stories of other parents’ move-in experiences and had been at Northeastern on their move-in day (people had to unload all their belongings into large laundry hampers and push them across campus and across a major road in 90 degree heat - ugly). I was amazed at how well Cornell’s experince went. Not only did they have student volunteers to help but even alumni showed up to help direct traffic etc. It was very impressive.</p>

<p>I hope your son enjoys Cornell as much as mine does.</p>