<p>I didn’t say that friends should keep it a secret. But this boy’s actions were motivated by anger (you said she lied to him while he was “messing around” with her). He was angry and was getting back at her to spread this gossip (even if the gossip is true). There is no need to do that. If he cared about her welfare, he’d talk to her or bring it up with a trusted adult. So, that is not what he did. I didn’t say he had to keep quiet. How did he know about this? The girl admitted it to him? And if she did, he likely is not the only person she has told. He didn’t take it upon himself to help her or even report it. He chose to spread things about her…his reason? certainly not to be helpful. Rather, to cause her damage. To talk about someone and spread things about them on the internet is internet defamation of character. So, I see that as a big issue here. </p>
<p>The issue of the girl and the older man is also an issue, if true. Still, I am not sure which details this boy knows to be fact. Stories get distorted when retold. There may be a serious issue going on. Hopefully she will confide in someone and an adult will inquire of her. </p>
<p>I never said anyone should say, “eh”. But this wasn’t the boy’s place to defame her on the internet. He had ill intentions. He had motivation for doing so. So, the alternative doesn’t mean to ignore this but he is also responsible for HIS behavior and I am not impressed with him at all. </p>
<p>As far as the girl, if you are concerned, see if you can mention it to a counselor who may talk to her to glean more information. She needs intervention if inappropriate behavior is taking place with an older man. But she also needs intervention to now deal with a swarm of peers who are gossiping and spreading stories about her on the internet. That itself is damaging.</p>
<p>The two alternatives you present here are zero intervention / keeping it a secret vs. this boy spreading gossip on the internet. There is also something in between. </p>
<p>And how were you aware of it? Do you read facebook?</p>
<p>Actually, this kind of “terrorism” is happening all over - even between former spouses. Exes are posting and/or doing “mass emailing” of embarrassing photos and stories (photos only meant for private and/or stories taken out of context, etc) to humiliate an ex who has angered them (for whatever reason). </p>
<p>sometimes, the pics/stories aren’t posted but the people “threaten” to post them to get their exes to reconcile, give in, or whatever. Cyber threats of “exposure” are also used to keep current spouses (or g/b friends) “in line” and prevent them from leaving.</p>
<p>Virtually anyone who has had a lengthy relationship with someone probably has info that would be very embarrassing if unleashed in cyber space. The fear of having embarrassing info plastered on the internet is going make many people very fearful of 'getting close" to someone and sharing private info. </p>
<p>Who is going to want to share “their most embarrassing story” or other private thoughts to a spouse when a future divorce could mean such info is posted somewhere for all to see?</p>
<p>you can put anything on the internet. if he didn’t put it on facebook, it would of been on myspace, xanga, livejournal, aim, etc… the issue is that this girl made a bad decision or was negatively influenced or whatever. it’s not that there are no secrets on facebook (which is only partially true), there are no secrets at all with all these technological advances and rampant immaturity…</p>
<p>I hate reading things like this. That girl knew fully well what she was doing. She didn’t know he’d go ahead and put it on facebook, but she knew she was messing around with somebody way way older than her, and that facebook does exist and that people put things like that on there. If she didn’t want people to find out, she shouldn’t have done it in the first place.</p>
<p>I knew a girl from another high school about eight years ago who had naked pictures of herself with her boyfriend(same age) and someone printed them offline and they were being shown at school. I know she didn’t intend for everyone at school to see them, but she was the one who put those kind of photos on the internet in the first place… so she had it coming, in my mind…</p>
<p>fendergirl…there is a big difference with the girl you know who CHOSE to put that stuff on the internet. This other girl being discussed on this thread did not choose to be defamed on the internet. She did not have THAT coming. If she is seeing an older man, that is surely a major concern but that doesn’t mean she deserves the bashing on the internet or spread of words about her (some may not be true or are twisted) and the defamation all over the internet. She didn’t have it comin’. The boy who did that had malicious intent.</p>
<p>jlauer, hotpiece, and geomom–you are so right. Forget Facebook and MySpace (on which I believe the kids disclose wayyyy too much personal stuff). In our area, adults are starting entire websites about other adults (like judges) and “outing” info that had been whispered about for years. One has a counter to show how many thousand people have viewed it. I think it is up to over 50,000 now. Certainly that is more than would have heard the whispers.</p>
<p>Can I just say again how much I dislike certain aspects of Facebook? S told us how annoyed he was to see that someone else tagged him with a misleading caption - as a joke of course - and had to make the kid take it down. It’s so true that it’s not only what the kids themselves post, but what others do as well, whether on the wall, in captions or what have you. </p>
<p>This week in the comments section of S’s online school paper I saw another example of this. A kid, pretending to be another kid said something outrageous, just to mess around with that kid and get people mad at him (it worked). And just yesterday, I got one of these scam missing teenager things in my emaill. It turns out to have been a total hoax - the kid did it himself. Technology can be a good thing, but also opens the door to a lot of negative. I really hope the legislation catches up to the technology. A lot of harm can be done - and it’s not always so easy to repair the damages.</p>
<p>I don’t like the way this boy outed the girl either, but you will find that if the stories are false, they die pretty quickly, kids are savvy, if they are true, well, the story spreads</p>
<p>hopefully, the school will follow up, as my D said, the man was probably providng the girl in question with alcohol, and if they weren’t having sex, with this girls reputation, that would be suprising</p>
<p>If someone posted a story like that about my D, it would not be believed, maybe by a few, but not by anybody that matters</p>
<p>It is sad that this young lady is lying about her age, that a 25 yo man “believes” she was 19, and that several kids knew and said nothing, thinking it was okay</p>
<p>And if any parents knew and said nothing to someone, they are failing</p>
<p>THe boy was wrong to publicly call the girl names, but the girl posted on her facebook she was in a relationship, and once the students found out it was with a man ten years her senior, well, what did she expect</p>
<p>No matter what she may or may not have done…she is being raked over on the internet and some of it is rumor. You are even saying you don’t know if she has had sex with an older man. Kids are spreading statements about the girl all over the internet. Luckily, we don’t know who you are talking about because she is being gossiped about here as well and guessing if her story is true or not, etc. Being defamed on the internet is a serious matter. </p>
<p>Again, you keep asking if she or anyone should keep her relationship secret and that is not the point. Specifics about her are being posted by SOMEONE else, NOT herself, all over the place and it may not even all be true and there was NEGATIVE intent to harm. THAT is terrible and there are suits that can be brought for defamation on the internet. </p>
<p>If you are so worried about the girl, let a counselor or parent know of your concern. The answer to concern is not to smear her name or personal business negatively on the internet, which likely contains some rumor and is not entirely factual and could be distorted. Her reputation is being smeared by those who want to do her harm, not help her.</p>