<p>Have one son close to being engaged. Has a good job, living at home. We have been clear that since we have two sons still in Catholic HS and one in college, we will be able to contribute minimally.
I paid for majority of reception, honeymoon, my dress. My parents paid for the cake and small part of reception. Husband paid for my rings. His family paid for rehearsal and band. My parents contributed much more for my younger sibs as they were in better financial shape.
I think whoever has the means should pay starting with the couple.</p>
<p>“Her parents joked with us that the Asian tradition is that the groom’s parents pay all”
note to self: find nice Asian boy for d.</p>
<p>S1 got married this past June. We paid for the rehearsal dinner and for the favors at the wedding. Bride’s family paid for the reception. Bride and Groom paid for their attire, rings, honeymoon and photographer.
It’s all in what you can afford.</p>
<p>Some of my friends’ kids are planning marriages, so I am hearing about this more now. It seems to me that anything goes these days. However, there are some etiquette books and websites on wedding that can give you an idea of what is the most typical way to go to give you a starting point. By no means should it be the road map but just an idea. I think most families have an evening get together, dinner maybe to meet with the kid’s future in-laws, and that is when the discussion about the costs can start. It seems to me that it is usually the bride and her mom who still call most of the shots on the ceremony and reception, and the bride’s family tends to, therefore, set the tone and the price range. Unless the kids are older and in the financial position to do so, they are not going to be paying for a lot, but some couples have a strong idea of how they want the big day to go.<br>
Congratulations to your family for this wonderful news!</p>
<p>Not even remotely close to this (I hope) but…We are a very traditional family with very old school beliefs. We believe that the brides family will accept the honor of paying for everything but a small rehearsal dinner. (And they shouldn’t skimp on the open bar either!) </p>
<p>It’s one of the niceties of having sons! :-)</p>
<p>I too have all sons. I would very happily take the traditional, old school route of letting the brides’ families plan and pay for everything. However, if that is not the mindset of all others in the picture, I would be open to sit and discuss more of a role. I certainly would not want to just pay for half the cost without knowing what it was going to be. I don’t think I would be as gracious about such a situation as the one poster’s friend was. But I would not shut the door as to helping out on the costs.</p>
<p>Funny! Just as I was reading this thread GMA was having a story on putting together wedding budgets during this economic downturn. Had some great ideas!</p>
<p>Mazel tov on your son’s engagement! To answer your Q, it’s my sense that many families do split the cost these days. To tell you the truth, although I, personally, would love to take the traditional path for a D (I think it ensures the greatest likelihood of peace and harmony between the parties going forward) splitting the expenses these days makes sense for many people for practical reasons. For one thing, years ago when the bride’s family always paid, it was not traditional for her family to also have had college or graduate school expenses to handle. </p>
<p>For a son (assuming a younger couple just out of school not throwing their own, and my own financial ability to do so), I would probably approach the bride’s family and offer to participate in whatever way they are comfortable from traditional scenario up to a full split (or beyond that if bride’s family situation called for it) with no strings attached on my end. I have just seen too many issues come up over this in my experience. Families often have different tastes, budgets, priorities etc. - when one family is not willing to pay for a vendor they did not select, or conversely when decisions are made that are not to the liking of the other side, things can get sticky. Probably why traditional etiquette evolved the way it did in the first place!</p>
<p>Roshke, I went to grad school decades ago and my parents paid for that (less the student loans). My H’s family offered to pay for either the flowers or the band, but my parents refused to accept. They have no regrets about this. </p>
<p>At that time, my H and I paid for rings, honeymoon, and the portion of the photographer that was beyond the budget that my parents laid out. We decided to get some extra photos in our album, and we bought my inlaw’s parent album. My parents did not want a parent album, but only one large bride and groom photo. H’s parents bought his tux, and my parents bought my bridal gown (on a strict budget, and I bought a beautiful sample dress). The bridal party paid for their own tux’s/gowns if I remember correctly. H and I paid for thank you gifts for the bridal party.</p>
<p>Just to clarify, I don’t think there’s ANY right or wrong, here. Was just mentioning college expenses as one of many reasons the traditional way is but one of many options, now. In fact, I’d prefer to do what your parents did, regardless of whether I supported a D through school.</p>
<p>When I was married, I was the baby and mom wanted to a big wedding; I was 20 and they paid for most things, with the groom’s parents paying for the rehearsal dinner and the honeymoon, very traditional in everything.</p>
<p>I have three Ds, but I have been paying tuition forever and am not thrilled about the idea of paying a fortune for a big party. I am encouraging waiting before any weddings, so I can find that excitement! And also, I really like the idea of a destination wedding, small group of family making memories in a great place. I would be more inclined to pay for that.</p>
<p>Or I would be inclined to offer them a chunk of money to use for whatever - home or party- and let the couple make the decisions.</p>
<p>It seems like when I got married the 300 guests were mostly about the parents, it would make sense that the parents paid. If some one is getting married at 30 and most guest are friends of the couple, they couple really ought to pay, with, hopefully, a generous gift from each set of parents, with no strings attached. I hope I can be as wonderfully NOT interfering as my mother was.</p>
<p>I agree, just saying that in our generation women went to college and grad school too. I happen to be one who believes that our parent’s generation had a higher standard of living than we do (in general).</p>
<p>I have 1 S and 2 D.
I don’t see why there should be a ‘rule’ that the bride’s family shells out.
I like the idea best, where you give each child the exact same $ amount and they decide with their future spouse what works.</p>
<p>My friend is struggling with this. Her son is engaged to marry a young woman, and the couple is not in the position to have an expensive wedding. The bride’s family does not have the money either. I think my friend is going to settle a decided lump sum on the wedding and let the couple decide what to do with it. She wants some sort of a celebration, a nice dinner at a restaraunt at very least, but she will leave it up to them. Like many of us she cannot afford an open budget wedding.</p>