<p>D broke up w/ BF of 2.5yrs shortly before Thanksgiving. They attend nearby colleges (she’s a first-year student; he’s a junior).</p>
<p>She has been hanging out w/ her g’friends, attending parties, met a few boys - - but recently started to mope and is particularly irritable.</p>
<p>I’ve been “giving her her space” - - listening as she complains about school, her ex, and pretty much everything else. (I also mail-order brownies for her, which I trust she will not consider an intrusion).</p>
<p>Anything else I can/should do to coax her out of this funk.</p>
<p>Hi nyc-
My s just broke up with his gf of 2 1/2 yrs over Thanksgiving (right before we were going to plan a family trip with both our s’s gfs invited as well!) As you know, we parentw wish we could take their pain away, but we can’t. The best we can do is listen and be supportive. Don’t say anything negative about the ex. You never know if they might get back together. I remember when I broke up with a bf of 3 yrs when I was in grad school. My mother at one point shared with me a story of why she hadn’t liked him. It still resonates in my head 25+ yrs later. Be careful not to do that. (She was right, I just didn’t want to hear the negative comment)</p>
<p>^^oh yes, and remember that wisdom when your friends divorce; don’t critique the ex; they may get back together.</p>
<p>And at the very least, they were in love once. Better to say you can see why that person USED TO be the love of your life. To do otherwise iimplies the person just wasted many years, when in fact perhaps only the most recent years went awry.</p>
<p>Back to the OP – all I can suggest, given the calendar date today, is plan up some absolutely wonderful dates with her over the holidays and once she agrees to them, refer to them, how much you’re looking forward to them.
That’s redirecting her pain, without negating it.</p>
<p>Remember there is a grief process, and if she doesn’t go through it now, she might not learn what she needs to know to do better sometime in the near or distant future with the next b.f. Compared to a relationship of 2.5 years, she’s had less than a month to mourn it; not enough time yet.</p>
<p>My best line (and it’s not so great…) is "I’m so sorry it hurts so much. [Pause]. They usually say something then, and the bubble has burst so we can go on to talk about something else.</p>
<p>It looks like we’re on the right track (family vacation to Costa Rica; tickets for D and BFF to go to the ballet; taking D to great exhib at nearby museum).</p>
<p>Paying3 - - that’s a pretty good line! </p>
<p>Also, I’m not trying to rush D past her grief (they’ve spent their formative years together: 16- almost 19 for her; 18-21 for him) - - just trying to find the best way to help her while she’s home, so she’ll be as prepared as possible to handle mourning (and coursework) when she returns to school.</p>
<p>I recently broke up with my gf of 2+ years and it was very hard on me, but my mom handled it very well. She gave me my space, talked to me when i needed it, didn’t talk bad about my ex, and she bought me a kitten I had been wanting a cat for a few months, but she said no. then she surprised me with one a couple days after the breakup. It really helped get my mind off the situation</p>
I had been wanting a cat for a few months, but she said no. then she surprised me with one a couple days after the breakup. It really helped get my mind off the situation</p>