They never call..they never write

<p>Jus want to know if like our old thread we are getting the "cold shoulder" from our youngin's in college...misery loves company.</p>

<p>Many colleges are having midterms around now (my S is having one this Thursday), so the youngin's are probably swamped. If it is their first ones, they're also a bit anxious.</p>

<p>Gee, she never mentions work, or tests, or classes...only parties..and weekend activities.</p>

<p>Well, I can probably make everyone else feel better. When I e-mailed S that I was thinking of coming to family weekend with his sister, I got no replay at first, so I e-mailed the next day, "well?" Later I get this e-mail: "go ahead whatever. Don't see why you'd want to come though." --that's it. Good thing I don't take these things personally! and S has never been "chatty." </p>

<p>Still trying to figure out whether I can make it for that weekend--I think it's the only way I'll be able to satisfy my curiousity as to how things really are going! He did say in a more recent e-mail that "physics is fun." He is excited by how much they are going to cover in one quarter! So that is reassuring. I still don't know exactly what classes he has (I know three of the four). He says he tested out of one quarter of voice leading/theory, so I don't know what he plugged in in its place.</p>

<p>where does your S go to college? My D is at CMU...I thought kids had to study alot there. I'm getting concerned...why all the parties?? We are going to the family weekend in Pittsburgh in November. She thought it was okay...she wants some warmer's PITTSBURGH, I told her, for G-d's sake!!! She doesn't get it.</p>

<p>S is at UChicago.</p>

<p>Go to parent's weekend!! He may seem ambivalent about it but there will be tons of parents there and he may actually feel somewhat "out of it" if his aren't. He'll get a nice meal out and you can always volunteer to take any friends if some of them don't have parents. You'll meet friends from the dorm and every one knows that there's parents around so the kids are really tolerant of us "old folks." Because noone is available to "play" with, your student kind of gives in the situation and may actually be rather chatty about how life is going.</p>

<p>I have to say, I think I hear from my son more now than when he lived at home!! Which I have no problem. Love hearing from him. But....most usually it is cause he needs this and needs that. But I don't mind. As long as he hasn't forgotten about us.</p>

<p>I visited my S last weekend; he could barely fit me into his schedule. I hear about some great classes and a wonderful EC club, but get a feeling he's being shy. Other than the structured picnics and activities, wish I heard more "fun". I think this is his biggest challenge, to make friends in a new environment. My task is to worry less. Kids may act nonchalant about parent's day, but if possible, I'd suggest going. I'm sure by 2nd semester/quarter, they will feel more settled.</p>

<p>My S's at a residential high school only a few miles up the road, far enough to keep him from dropping by casually, but not so far it's a burden. Keeps in touch by phone and through AIM, too. </p>

<p>Just today he called to describe how excited he was after talking to a adcom who visited his school on a college day. Completely on cloud 9 and for the first time absolutely sure where he wants to go to college. He was strongly interested in the school before, but this made the deal for him. The adcom's even going to consider this his alumni interview. (Minor downside that this one costs more than twice his previous first choice with no chance for the merit scholarship we expected, but that's just the father in me talking.)</p>

<p>After the call we realized that this school is a thousand miles away began to consider the implications of that. A huge step for all of us. Oh, well, if we never see him at least we can be sure to keep in touch with AIM.</p>

<p>He is so busy, he'd never call or write if I didn't have control of his banking card :cool:. </p>

<p>(Oh yeah, I've threatened to drain that account on more than one occasion. I love the internet).</p>

<p>But when he calls we have a good ole' chat. He's the same guy...but expanding his horizons intellectually, socially, and all that other good stuff. </p>

<p>My 70-something parents are going up for Parent's weekend on Friday. They should have a great time--especially with all the baseball fever!</p>

<p>My parents are also going to parents day in our stead. They are really looking forward to the trip. My husband and I would go, but I have a business trip to Chicago November 12 and we are going then. (D attends UChicago.) She has been pretty good about calling, but sometimes I think she views it as a chore. Interesting note is that she called yesterday to say she has a date this weekend. She wasn't a dater in high school, so this is new.</p>

<p>Well, booked a flight to Chicago for me and my 15 year old D for family weekend. Thought it could just as well double as an early college visit for her. I don't see her going to UChicago (though I didn't think S would end up there either!), but it will give her something to compare other places to. It has been 25 years since I've been there! Golly how time flies.</p>

<p>I have to say that the "they never call, they never write" phase seems to be waning. My son IMs me daily and calls weekly, compared to his first month at Tufts when it was like pulling teeth to get him to talk to me for more than a minute or two once a week. I think it's because he is settling in and is happy now, compared to the first month when he was lonely and unsure if he had chosen the right classes.</p>

<p>He is excited that we will be there for parents weekend. He wanted to make sure we'd arrive in time for the wind ensemble performance he's in and has already chosen our restaurants for the two nights we're in town. In fact, he urging us to return to Tufts in early December for their musical because he's in the pit orchestra. </p>

<p>I'm excited that he's excited to share his college activities with us. So, I'd call him a reformed "never caller, never writer." At least, for now... :)</p>

<p>Sounds like we parents are having the separation anxiety. At first, most contact was via AIM and email. I tend to hesitate to call him for fear I am calling at a bad time or he might not want to talk to his mother in front of his friends. He has finally agreed to do the "call on the weekend" thing that we all did in college. He just had a long weekend, and popped home at the last minute for a few days (thank heavens for frequent flier miles!). I leave tomorrow for parents weekend, and will return all the items he inadvertently left behind. He is quite happy that I am coming to visit, as I am bringing several home-baked items and I have offered not only to take him out to dinner, but any of his friends whose parents won't be there. The limiting factor will be the size of the rental car! I've also found that sending letters and packages o' goodies is greatly appreciated, and occasionally results in an email or phonecall. It was pointed out at orientation that kids these days don't get much "snail mail" but still dutifully check their mailboxes daily and are thrilled when even junkmail arrives. It was a good point to remember- that the old traditional letter is appreciated. I do feel that communication works in both directions. Be creative,and it will be returned in kind.</p>

<p>From a Dartmouth '08:</p>

<p>Don't worry, parents, we still love you. It's just that college is so brimming with activities, writing a long email or making a phone call him is difficult. Not only do these tasks take time (away from school, friends, sports, etc.) but it is really impossible to convey the awesome college experience over the phone. I absolutely love every moment of Dartmouth but by the time I make the weekly phonecall home, I am am exhausted and I sound about as enthusiastic about college as getting a vaccination on the line.</p>

<p>So, again, don't worry... we love and miss you parents, we miss having our dishes and laundry done for us, we miss the warmth of home (from California, it's quite a change) but we are having the best time of our lives. Be excited for us and it will definitely help those occasional conversations along =)</p>

<p>It is nice to hear that people date at UC. I cringe when I read about all the "hooking up" these days.</p>

<p>I received a call from a colleague yesterday. Her son is a freshman. I asked her how it was going. She said "I've gotten very good at sending care packages". (not unusual, right). Then she told me why she sends them....."because sending them gives me an excuse to call to see if he received them...otherwise we don't talk because he never calls home". I chuckled and told her that I've "heard" (read) that before. </p>

<p>Then I asked her if she misses him. She said no. LOL</p>

<p>I believe I'm the one who started this thread on the old CC forum. I still don't hear from my freshman daughter very often, and still miss her tremendously. But I think her experience is pretty much what drownindreams, Dartmouth '08, describes; my daughter has waited her whole life for this and doesn't want to miss anything (and/or has papers or midterms coming up that require much more time and work than she ever had to put in during high school).</p>

<p>I did get to take her to lunch a few weeks ago; I was going to be near her college for other reasons, and asked if it would be OK. Lunch was great; I had never seen her so excited and full of plans and interests. And then two weeks went by without a word. I didn't want to call and be an obnoxious mom, so I tried sending a few cheery little emails. No reply. I couldn't IM her because she uses her school email account now and is never online with AIM. At this point my imagination is going crazy: Is she in love, in jail, working hard, flunking out, miserably sick, incredibly happy? Does she suddenly hate me?</p>

<p>I finally break down and leave a voice mail on her cell phone. She calls back a little while later: "Mom! I'm fine--everything's really great. It's just that I'm living in a bubble here; I keep thinking I'll call or email you later, but then something else comes up. It's OK if you call me--my roommate's mom calls her three times a day."</p>

<p>So I think all is well. I just have to keep reminding myself that mom's not supposed to be the center of her universe at this stage in her life.</p>

<p>Well, I e-mailed S that I am coming up for family weekend next weekend with his sister, and he e-mailed a phone # where I can reach him (first time we got the phone #, LOL), and asked me to bring a pillow. So I guess that means he is looking forward to our visit?</p>