Some things that I’ve found that surprise parents is that dining halls have hours, are not open all day like restaurants, and usually have limited hours on weekends. Heath centers usually have doctors offices hours and are not open nights and weekends. There are tutoring centers, but they fill up, don’t expect a chemistry tutor to be available after midterms. Mental health resources are limited, some offer a limited number of sessions. Parking is usually strongly enforced.
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Check out the dining plans…and figure out the rules for switching plans before school starts. Our experience has been that you get (at most!) a week or so into the semester to switch plans before needing to wait til next semester (both D20 and D23 switched their plans to get the most flex dollars as soon as they could).
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And at some schools freshmen need to take the unlimited plan, or at least not be able to go below a certain amount of swipes.
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Swinging back to don’t contact colleges about pink chicken…what is up with parents? I recently received a long “Hey parents*” email from my kid’s college detailing rotisserie chicken cooking methods to explain how chicken can be pink near the bone and still perfectly safe to eat. 
*Found out later there had been a rash of ‘pink chicken’ complaints from parents.
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Adjustment to college takes a long Tim for some and it may take your child a while to make friends. If so, they will likely talk about transferring. If they do, encourage them to treat second semester of freshman year as if they are going back sophomore year. Second semester is several months long and even if they transfer, they should try to enjoy it (and they might even decide to stay).
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Two rules of thumb…
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No news is good news.
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No news is very bad news.
The goal is some news but not too much.
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Yes, find a way to get some easy proof of life. My D and I share wordle results every morning.
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The appropriate medical forms are important! There was recently a situation on my daughter’s campus where the parents were frustrated with the lack of medical information provided to them when there was a medical issue with their daughter. When my daughter first went to college we did all the forms using Mama Bear. We since have had a lawyer redo them (when we were updating out wills and forms).
As for the school info: At D’s school there are two different processes to access financial info and educational info. We pay the bills so was have access to financial. We did not ask for access to educational - that’s her job!
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A Snapchat streak works well for proof of life if your kids are up for it. I especially appreciated DD’19’s because she would send an interesting shot of her day, not just the ceiling or floor. AND she would send night streaks at bedtime so I knew she was settled back at dorm/apt (though I might not see it till next morning).
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Texting pics of our pets always gets responses from my 2!
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Just wanted to say that this is an awesome thread and very helpful. 
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OMG if I hear about pink chicken on the parents Facebook page one more time…
I’ve been in 6 different college pages, I honestly can’t tell one from the other. They’re good for searching healthcare providers, local restaurants and hotels.
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That’s interesting…my kids are at two different colleges and I find the parent pages to be VERY different.
This is a great thread!
I haven’t seen this one: More and more colleges these days seem to have competitive-entry clubs, especially the pre-professional clubs. Your kid might feel like he or she is going through the college application process all over again. It’s a bit of a crazy process and it doesn’t work out for everyone. If it doesn’t work out for your kid, encourage them to find some open entry clubs, to play intramural sports, to get a campus job…something else that will help them to feel like they belong, give confidence, and expand their social network.
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Wouldn’t that be more common at large colleges for clubs that do not scale up (e.g. the main student newspaper that has a limit on the number of reporters and editors and other staff)?
I’m not sure what you mean by large, but these clubs tend to be intentionally smaller so that they are exclusive not necessarily because they are capacity constrained. It’s common at Yale, Harvard, Vanderbilt, Michigan, and many others of various sizes. The consulting club, investing, pre-law business frats, etc., tend to have the lowest acceptance rate for new members.
I don’t want to derail this thread, but there are a couple of fairly recent (last year or so) on the subject. I only wanted to mention it here because it tends to surprise parents…it surprised me.
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Amazing Atlantic (gift) article on this club topic: people I know were talking about it for weeks afterwards.
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You need to buy less stuff than you think, but it’s helpful to start making a checklist of the things you’ll need to purchase, and start buying those items over the next several months and stashing them in a corner of your home. Keep it as minimal as possible. Some lists you’ll see on the internet are truly excessive.
Those Ikea zip up totes are perfect for carrying all sorts of things, and fold flat on arrival. Buy them this spring because they will sell out once we get to the summer! Yes, these can also be used as checked luggage if you are flying to the school and you need to pack soft goods such as bedding, towels, or clothing.
And they’re not just for packing - they’re also useful in the dorm for keeping things organized, e.g. my S23 keeps his outdoor gear in one under his bed, and keeps his down top and under quilts (these are sleeping bag type contraptions for camping with a hammock) fluffed up and in these bags on top of his wardrobe. He also uses these bags for carrying his laundry up and down and prefers it over a laundry bin.
Bedding: buy and wash this all in advance, and then pack it into one of the zippered totes. Pack it in the reverse order of making a bed, i.e. so that the second set is on the bottom of the bag along with the quilt or duvet, and the fitted sheet is on top so you take things out in the order you need them. I also recommend buying extra pillowcases; there are, um, some college kids who won’t wash their bedding each week, but they’ll at least put a clean pillowcase on every few days. 
If they won’t have AC and the first weeks of school are hot, a fan that fits in the window and can change from intake to exhaust, plus a small table top fan is very useful. The Woozoo fan is perfect. Fans sell out in the summer, so picking those up in the spring is recommended.
You’ll find standard checklists of what to bring elsewhere so I won’t reinvent the wheel here! But the sooner you just start slowly purchasing some things and stashing them in one place, the easier it is in the long run.
- A couple of oddball handy things though, depending on how your kid studies: a lap desk that tilts, a 20" or so throw pillow that they can lean against on their bed while reading or working, and a chair pad for their dorm room desk chair
And yes, book housing NOW for dates you’ll need to be there, prices only get higher and places book up quickly.
Emotions can be all over the map for both you and your child this spring and summer. One day they might be excited, another day wary and second guessing themselves, they also might be grieving leaving their friends and may be very focused on spending as much time as possible with them. It is hard, but try not to take it personally—they’re not rejecting you, they’re just wanting to be with their friends as much as possible as it feels very real once those college decisions begin, that they’re not ever going to be all together again, and this is the only time they have left with them. You will always be there, but their friends won’t (this is their subconscious attitude about all this right now).
So try and make it easy for them to say yes to get togethers with friends. And then schedule time with your kiddo: hey, let’s go get lunch sometime in the next week or two and talk about what we need to do over the next few months, what’s a good day for you?
When you have to do logistical or boring tasks, tack on lunch or dinner or something that will be enjoyable for you both. And just ask to carve out time together, like standing date to go to the farmers market one weekend morning, or long walk with the dog on Tuesdays.
And after you drop them off, if you can, schedule some time for yourself to do something enjoyable. Add on a day or two of local travel, take the week off, go see friends, be gentle with yourself and know that you may have a lot of swirling emotions when you come home and they’re not there. Keep your fall calendar full of things that you will look forward to; I cried at the drop of a hat for about two weeks after dropping him off! And then it got better
Editing to add:
I also put together a medicine box, it had Advil, Tylenol, Tums, Pepto, sore throat lozenges, and daytime and nighttime cold/flu capsules. I then made a sheet with columns on it that was taped to the lid of the box (I’m including part of the sheet as an example). I know if my kiddo was feeling badly he wouldn’t remember any discussion we’d had about medications, and I wanted him to be able to have the stuff on hand and not have to try and get himself to a drugstore when he was ill. When he came down with Covid the second week of school, it was a big help, as well as when he had a bad cold recently.
Three columns: What, What it’s for, How to take it
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There will be freak out calls home. Stay calm, just listen, and be supportive. Encourage your young adult to utilize the resources at their school. Let them “adult” ; )
Yes. Reflective listening plus:
what do you think you might try/do?
who do you think you could/should talk to?
Questions that prompt them to problem solve, rather than telling them what to do.
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Yes. Kiddo and I were having breakfast in a cafe before his move in time slot, within walking distance of campus. When we finished he said he’d run over to the registration line while I moved the car and met at his dorm. As soon as he turned his back and started walking away I burst into tears, right in the restaurant. Up until that moment I had been excited and happy!
I was crying because I was so sad, but also because I was so happy for him.
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