I know there are lots of parents anxiously waiting for their children’s final college admission results. Sending good vibes to all!
If this is your first child going off to college, you are about to have the “my kid has decided on College X…now what?” stage to experience. I thought this might be a good time for experienced parents to share accumulated wisdom for those who are about to live this for the first time. Practical, Philosophical, Existential wisdom - we want it all.
My big piece of advice:
Figure out when “move-in weekend” is scheduled at your child’s school and make your hotel reservations asap. Especially if your child picks a school in a location with limited accommodation available (it will book up quicker than you think). You may be shocked to find out how high hotel pricing can be for move-in weekends, parent/alumni weekends and gulp graduation weekends. Booking early usually gives you most flexibility and best pricing.
The same logic, book the hotel for graduation. Sis-IL graduated from UMass Amhurst years back, the Hotel on campus booked out at least a year in advance on graduation weekend.
There will be freak out calls home. Stay calm, just listen, and be supportive. Encourage your young adult to utilize the resources at their school. Let them “adult” ; )
And really don’t call the school regarding anything but tuition (not to report a clogged toilet, pink chicken, bad advisor, roommate issues, no heat, unfit grades…).
Especially for boys. They wont use 1/2 the stuff you buy them. Or wont remember where the stuff is (I have a cold, what do I do? --dont you remember the medicine I put in this drawer…). Also for everyone. No need to buy out target right away.
Don’t get so caught up in which dorm is “best”. Chances are your kid won’t end up there and will feel like their life is ruined. Until they get to school. Then they realize it’s not a big deal. Kids grow where they are planted. Everyone wants certain dorms at D23’s school. Most don’t get them. Almost all are very happy one month in with where they are living.
If you want to be able to make treatment decisions in the case that your child is unconscious or cannot make decisions, you need a signed Healthcare Power of Attorney from your child. When you child turns 18, you no longer have automatic access to their medical records, and no longer have any say in their treatment.
Just because you’re paying for it that does not give you any right to any information about your child’s college education. Not the courses they are taking, not their grades, not if they are being suspended or awarded. Unless your child gives explicit permission, the college will not, and legally cannot, share that with you. That also includes financial information. Unless the student has explicitly permitted the parent access to the financial information, the parent cannot access the student’s account.
I wish I knew then that they would be doing exactly what they are supposed to do, even if they screwed up. I still have to remember that, after they have both flown the nest.
Don’t expect them to respond to your text within a reasonable time. If you’re worried they haven’t responded to you in a few days, just check their meal card. If they’re eating, they’re probably okay.
In spite of the fact that you started saving for college the day they were born, in spite of the fact that you have been consumed by college during the search, application, and decision process, and in spite of the fact that you’ll spend the summer preparing for drop-off, drop-off feels really sudden and intense. No amount of knowing you’ll arrive at that destination will prepare you for how it will feel.
Gosh that is so true. Drop off is INTENSE! And then those first few days after are hard. And, actually, anytime your kid has a bad day (and there will be bad days), it’s hard because you just can’t be there to give them a hug. College is full of ups and downs – we know a lot of '22 kids who transferred – so don’t expect that everything will be absolutely perfect all the time. Just like life. But be proud that they got to college and proud for every semester they finish. And it does go by SO fast, with so many special moments and milestones along the way. They leave as kids, come out as adults!
(1) If your child takes regular medication, your prescribing doctor may not be able to send it across state lines. If you’ve always managed refills for your child, talk to them about what needs to be done, and while you are there for move-in see if there’s an info table set up for the health center. Have your child stop by the table and talk with the staff about what they need to do to make an appointment at the health center to get prescriptions refilled.
(2) I did surprisingly well with drop off before freshman year started, but then I really struggled with sadness the next summer before sophomore year. It was like the newness of an “adventure” had worn off and I was able to see it as the beginning of his life - which it should be - but which might not be in my area anymore. It felt much more real sophomore year for some reason, and I wasn’t ready to be so sad.
In our case, “drop off” happened at the airport (back in 2010, they let me accompany our son to the gate). As he walked down the jetway, I had about the strongest rush of emotions I’ve ever experienced. Then four months later, he was diagnosed with schizophrenia out of the blue, so that earlier rush paled by comparison.
That leads to my suggestion - don’t CODDLE your kids, but be on alert for any significant change in mental health, even if they have never had any issues before. I talked to another mother just this week whose son also developed schizophrenia his first semester of college. If you have ANY concerns about your child, insist that he or she visit the student health center. Don’t put it off. We were bleeping fortunate that my parents lived in my son’s college town and realized something was wrong. I don’t know what would have happened if he’d ended up going to Amherst or Wash U.
Yep. In particular, the ages 17-18 are common times for the new onset of schizophrenia, major depressive disorder, eating disorders, and substance use disorders.
