I’ve been thinking about taking a semester off of school but the decision is weighing very heavily on me. I am currently a sophomore and am attending school very far from home. I am so close with my family and it is hard being away, but there are no schools near home with a comparable program. I feel that I have taken my home and family for granted and want to spend more time with them before I graduate.
On top of that, I haven’t made any friends at school. I talk to some people in classes but I never hang out with anybody and have tried very hard to get involved in organizations but nothing has come of it. I don’t have a car so I am stuck on campus 24/7. Spending so much time alone makes me feel so isolated and lonely, especially being so far away from home. My roommate situations both years have caused so much anxiety and stress. My freshman year I went to counseling and was diagnosed with depression, but whenever I am home with my parents I feel a lot better.
I’m doing very well academically with a 4.0 GPA and I’m worried if I take a semester off I will be set back in my education, will feel the same sadness at home, or will regret it. I don’t know if it would be justified to take a semester, but I just feel so much happier at home and feel like I’m wasting a lot of time since I’m so sad and upset at school.
Are there any on campus jobs available? Or semester or short term study abroad programs in which you might bond with a smaller group of students from your school? Or undergraduate research opportunities where you could find a mentor or be in a lab?
With a 4.0 it may be better to just stick with it so you can graduate on time and just take extra care to spend and enjoy as much of your summer with family as you can. Sometimes when my kids need me I just put them on speaker phone. We don’t talk the whole time, just the sounds of home, a pet barking in the background, dishes clanging in the sink, etc. and knowing we are there for them makes them feel better.
Honestly, I think if you go home, and feel happier there, it will be that much harder for you to eventually return to school. It might be too hard for you to leave again. You said you went to a counselor - have you been getting therapy? If not, I would encourage you to try that and see if that can give you the support you need to stick it out.
What does this mean? Did you get involved but didn’t make friends that way, or did your involvement not work out for some reason? What kinds of organizations? Were they things where you might share common interests with other members? Were they information or competitive? You might have better luck with non-competitive, interest based clubs where a lot of the activities are based around socializing. Have you tried volunteering or community service? Sometimes serving others can give your morale a boost and make you feel more connected to your community.
This of course is a serious concern. Are you currently being treated for depression? Has treatment helped? Whatever you decide, your mental health must be a priority. If nothing else is helping aside from being home, then it might indeed be a good idea to take a semester off to take care of your mental health. But that must include TREATMENT, otherwise you may just end up kicking the can on your problems without actually ever addressing them.
There are, I currently am employed on campus but theres not much of a community surrounding it. I’m one of the only female employees and I feel kind of othered and generally don’t really enjoy it. There are study abroad options, but they would be too expensive for me to pursue.
I call my parents every day when I’m at school and it does help. I definitely don’t want to lose momentum in my education and I am worried about that happening. Thanks for your suggestions and input.
I did during my freshman year, but ultimately it didn’t help me too much so I didn’t go back this year.
I got involved in multiple interest based clubs my freshman year. They were focused on socializing and I really struggled making connections in them so I stopped going to them this year. I did join a community service organization on my campus and am still in it, in which we do social events as well. I talk with everyone and they are all friendly but I still have not been able to connect with any of them on a deeper level or outside of the club planned events.
I could always revisit therapy on campus, but when I went before I felt it didn’t really help me or make me feel better.
I go to Colorado State University for Wildlife Biology. There definitely are other similar programs at schools closer to home, but while they wouldn’t be a plane ride away they would still be a fairly long car ride. I know I could also take a different, less specific environmental degree to get me into the field I want, but I don’t want to sacrifice the quality of my education. I value education highly and want to learn as much as I can, and I chose this school because I felt it would best be able to teach me and give me the experience I need for my career. I feel very conflicted between my family and education.
School starts in a few days. If I did take a semester off, it would probably have to be in the fall. I’m already registered for my courses and have paid for housing this semester. It would also give me time to more properly think about this decision instead of rushing into it.
I have given my own freshman daughter advice on this topic - try to go outside of your comfort zone and invite those people you meet to do something with you. They may like you very much and just not realize how lonely you are - invite them to go to lunch or dinner before or after the community service or ask if they’d want to go for a hike or do something else you enjoy. Exchange numbers and reach out to people, they may be looking for connections, too!
You have a very cool program of study and are killing it academically. That’s a plus for staying. You are socially unhappy and that is a really lousy feeling. Kudos to you for keeping up your grades while feeling so unhappy.
Outside of the usual (and good) suggestions of continuing to seek connection through activities, maybe you could think about opportunities for engagement outside your school. Is there an internship or summer job that could both connect you with different people and help your resume? (I have not looked recently but most state and national parks need seasonal help, and with your major, that could be a great ecosystem to explore.) Do any of your profs have a lab where you can work? What about study abroad? Is there a skill that you want to have, for yourself or for your career? (Anything from photography to rock climbing to playing guitar!) Sometimes, learning something like that brings people together and it might also make you feel more excited about your life!) Basically, what can you add to your life so that it feels more satisfying?
And yes, try to find a therapist who can help. You’re doing this on your own right now, and it’s really too much to ask of yourself.
My concern with the idea of taking a semester off at this stage is that I don’t see any plans during that that will help you settle more into school when you get back. I echo the concern someone posted above that it may make you less rather than more likely to return to college. It seems to me that your concerns are best dealt with either at the school you are at or by transferring (you can give yourself another semester, say, to try some of the suggestions above and if it’s still not working out, think about transferring). It’s great that you are doing so well academically but of course you need to be personally happy too. If you transfer, it’s worth thinking about what would be different at where you would go compared to where you are now, socially.
Assuming you go back for the spring semester I’d revisit the idea of going to therapy. I’d also hold open the possibility that as you get into more upper level classes in your major that you could connect with some like minded people.
Another thing you can explore is if your school offers any type of exchange program for a semester at a school closer to home.
I hope all works out. Keep your mental well-being at the forefront of any choices.
Thank you all for the help and suggestions. I think I will definitely stick it out this semester and if things are still not going well for me I will take a semester off to reconsider my options (if I should transfer or not). I could also spend that time working on myself and being with my family while I figure things out.