<p>Okay, so I created a username for when I’m feeling particularly frustrated and down, like today. </p>
<p>Do you ever feel like you didn’t realize what you were getting into when you decided to have a sweet little baby or two? When I read about new parents suffering with sleepness nights or an unruly toddler, I’m thinking YOU AIN’T SEEN NOTHIN’ YET! ;-)</p>
<p>I won’t go into long boring detail, but I have two teens. One has always been quite easy. My second child is wired differently. She’s in high school now and there are many days when I can’t wait for this parenting gig to be over (at least the kids at home 24/7 portion of it). Forgive me, but an “empty nest” sounds dreamy!</p>
<p>I love my children deeply. I’m just so tired.</p>
<p>If prospective parents knew what they were getting into, the human species would be extinct by now.</p>
<p>It’s not just that it’s such a long job, it’s also that the skills you learned in the earlier phases of the project are so utterly useless later. I mean, knowing how to change a diaper in thirty seconds on the back seat of a car is not much use when you get to the stage where you’re trying to help the same kid learn to drive said car.</p>
<p>I think I gave up being tired. My oldest is now 22 and the youngest 16. As a single mom with 5 kiddos I seemed to be perpetually tired and just a little frustrated.</p>
<p>However, CC has been the “other” parent for college and high school stuff, parenting, financial aid advice and driving directions, just to name a few. Made such a difference for me. HUGE. (for over 5+ years)</p>
<p>My thanks to CC and its posters in the Parents’ Forum especially. My gratitude will be life-long.</p>
<p>I’m curious whether those of you who have 4, 5 or 6+ kids had them all before the oldest reached teenagerland. My sister has 5 children (all GIRLS - oh lord) and the oldest is now just 12. I think she may have an interesting bunch of years ahead of her!</p>
<p>I think we all hear you. And we’ve all been there. And it hasn’t always felt OK to say so. So good for you!!!</p>
<p>And it isn’t just physical fatigue, is it? There’s the emotional and psychological exhaustion, too. </p>
<p>Your kids don’t know how fortunate they are to have you…you’re hangin’ in there, after all…and they probably won’t until they’re in their 30’s or later.</p>
<p>If you could just feel the empathy and sympathy that’s flowing your way right now, I’m sure you would feel just a bit better!</p>
<p>Yep. My oldest was 8 when #5 was born, 11 when #6 was born (in fact, they are one day apart in birthday!).</p>
<p>That said, however, we have (and I’m knocking on some VERY serious wood here) sailed through the teenage years so far. I currently have FOUR teenagers (19, 17, 15, and 13), all of whom have been pretty darn easy, though VERY different in personality! The biggest aggravation we’ve had is the occasional friction of one personality clashing with another, but I suppose that’s to be expected in a household of 8!</p>
<p>TiredParent…
part of the burden comes from all the outside sources that distract or lure our kids down the wrong paths…we constantly have to fight those influences, even when not dressed for battle…the TV, the WWW, the press and music, all barrage our children with messages that encourage them to think they are tougher, smarter, sexier etc than they are…</p>
<p>one of my favorite advice tidbits came from the guy who wrote the book “Raising Cain” who said you must start with some habits or routines of doing things with our kids when they are young, so that it will be “normal” when they are teens…ie play tennis or ski or bike ride etc… waiting until they are teens to start is toooo late…we have already lost them to the influence of friends, media etc…I am not convinced that it is ever too late, but it is imperative to do some things with our kids, one on one, or with another friend & parent, so that we can stay in their line of sight…</p>
<p>A lot of what a parent does is not appreciated and so that thankless feeling also erodes our sense of satisfaction… physical action on your part might help reduce the fatigue…there is an article in our paper today about just that…mindless cycling or swimming or jogging helps the mind relax and start to create and rejuvenates us…make sure you are doing something for YOU so that you recharge your batteries somehow…you also have the choice of telling your 2nd daughter that you need her help in reducing your fatigue…not in the midst of a disagreement, but rather over a bowl of ice cream or some lemonade? Show her that asking for help is a good thing? Maybe then she won’t always be so random in her needs? (definitely projecting my own thoughts as to what kids do that make us so tired…unanticipated needs that are immediate are always taxing to me!)</p>
<p>I remember when I was younger, and had young kids, someone said to me each kid you have is the Buddha. And someone else said, a baby is the best therapist you will ever have. I think what they meant, separately, is that each kid will show you your best self and your worst self. I just always try to stay aware, and focused on the fact that my job is to provide them whatever support is required at whatever age to ready them for a good life. Except when it is just too much to ask of myself.</p>
<p>Sounds like you are in one of those too much to ask of yourself moments. So me? I go get a massage. Hardly the Buddha but very helpful:). It also helps to look at them when they are sleeping…</p>
<p>Here’s one thing we started when the kids were young – Friday night was Family Night. We usually rented a video and had candy, but sometimes we played cards or board games. It wasn’t important WHAT we did, but that we did something fun on a scheduled basis as a family. I think you build up your “love capital” with this kind of thing, and it comes in handy when you need to deal with problems.</p>
<p>Tiredparent, my girls were 10 and 12 when I had S1. Then when the girls were 14 and 16, I had S2, so I had a lot of help. The girls are STILL giving me advice - but you know, having kids at home all this time has kept me young. I am slowing down now and have 3 more years until S2 graduates, but vitamins and occasional naps keep me going. After having a child in public school for 27 years I’m sort of looking forward to the day when there’s no HOMEWORK, projects, or tests!</p>
<p>TP–
I’m a very tired parent too. Just came back from Boston on a 24-hour turnaround. Someone important wanted to hear my baby play violin. I’ve driven and flown all over this big world on my kids’ behalf, and at this point, what keeps me going is that I know it’s almost over. And then I will miss it. Then there will be grandchildren, I hope. Call me a masochist. It is a very long job, but there is none more important. Where do you think great people like you came from? Hang in there.</p>
<p>Oh, and I almost forgot to add: When your kids have children of their own, they REALLY appreciate you! And, they understand what all you went through for THEM.</p>
<p>…“A lot of what a parent does is not appreciated and so that thankless feeling also erodes our sense of satisfaction…”</p>
<p>I don’t think it’s not appreciated…it’s just not communicated… at times I used to feel that way too until the day my oldest (now 23) gave me a big hug and kiss and said “thanks for everything you do for me, Mom” I don’t know where I’d be without your guidance and support and love.</p>
<p>Made my everything :)</p>
<p>This too shall pass and you won’t be tired anymore.</p>
<p>TiredParent-I think we can all relate, but break is over…</p>
<p>If you ever saw the movie Parenthood, there is a great line in there when Jason Robards explains to Steve Martin that your job as a parent is never over, they are always your kids, you never cross the goal line, you never do your touchdown dance…</p>
<p>TiredParent - I’m feelin’ what you’re sayin’ and good for you for sayin’ it! Not every day is Disneyworld and it’s okay to sometimes just sit and wallow in the not nice days.</p>
<p>Funny you should bring this up today. My senior S has been totally and completely ignoring the college app process. So today he and I sat down and literally did the state U app together. I had to “baby step” walk him through the very brief (and optional to him but not to me) essay. I had to take him through screen by screen to make sure the information that was supposed to be on there was there. As he grumbled and mumbled and dragged his feet, he complained about why he even had to fill out this particular school’s app as it wasn’t on his college list. When I asked him (fully knowing his answer) what schools WERE on his list, he said none - he doesn’t have a list!! I’m thinking it’s going to be a tired year. (And I know, I know if he can’t even get it together to do a very simple app on his own, he’s probably not ready for college in the first place but that’s a place for a whole separate thread - and I’m too tired to think about it!)</p>
<p>Hang in there - you’re doing a great job just by coming here to vent instead of ranting and raving at the kid. You already know you shouldn’t go at them so you came here to let it out - good for you.</p>
<p>TP, You are definitely not alone (don’t know if that helps). Almost ever parents of teens I know is tired (except for a couple I know whose kids seem perfect). The teenage years are enough to wipe out all but the hardiest among us. I have two of my own who are gradually turning my whole head gray. It seems like between the two of them something is always going on that makes me lose sleep at night! Sometimes (like today) they both have issues and I’m ready to pass out from stress of it all. </p>
<p>H. usually reminds me of all the stress put our parents through and how our kids are no worse than we were and we turned out OK. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Just keep your flashlight handy for those dark spots.</p>
<p>Excellent post, maineparent. I tell my younger sister, keep your kids close. That’s all the advice I have. That, and, make them practice musical instruments for a couple hours a night. ;)</p>
<p>I am pretty tired myself. This year, when son #1 left for school, instead of feeling sad, I was sort of angry that he’d left his room such a mess. In a fit I threw out most of his stuff and put the rest in the basement! I’m tired of feeling taken advantage of!!!</p>
<p>Fortunately, I still have my mom close by and we commiserate together. My youngest sister’s, youngest child went off to kindergarten today. She says she’s tired already. Cripe – if only she knew how long she has to go…</p>
<p>One of my sisters says that grandchildren are God’s reward for not killing your kids! (I know that sounds awful, but it’s meant to be funny.) So just get through these years, and enjoy the grandchildren. As a mom of boys – who I just love – I hope to have lot of grandDAUGHTERS. I want to take them to ballet lessons, and have tea parties.</p>
The biggest aggravation we’ve had is the occasional friction of one personality clashing with another, but I suppose that’s to be expected in a household of 8!</p>
Hang in there.</p>