<p>…But learning is incredibly exhilarating. And I am incredibly thankful for the modern technology that has allowed me to so easily learn. I am incredibly thankful to live in a generation so advanced; and I am incredibly thankful for all the advancements made before my time. So many people, so many great people – the greatest people – people great and greater than I could ever imagine – have come before me. And they did, in times far more bleak, pave the way for the explosion of modern technology, innovating even when they, themselves, would not be able to reap the enormous benefits their work would lay the foundations for.</p>
<p>Benjamin Franklin made the prescient and tragic comment that he lived in a century “too near the infancy of science” to be able to be preserved for later revival. He saw harrowingly into the tantalizing future he would never experience. Today it is indeed possible to preserve oneself. Cryogenic technologies, and companies that offer them, do exist. </p>
<p>And I’m not sure why I’m so lucky to live now, why I live in a time where so much progress has been made. But I feel the least I can do is honor the people who have made the world – my world – the way it is: honor them by working to understand the complex world around me that is the culmination of their efforts; and then, perhaps, - once I know enough - forge ahead; in the same spirit of those before me address the fundamental and still-unanswered questions about our world. These are my aspirations.</p>
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<p>What COMPLETELY doesn’t make sense? What ABSOLUTELY needs clarification? Remember, I’m just looking for decency (not excellence). Thanks!</p>
<p>Is it really possible to preserve oneself through cryogenic technology and then be revived later?</p>
<p>Incredibly…repetitious.</p>
<p>well there are preservation methods for later revival. Currently we can’t revive the preserved. Anyway maybe I should change that part…</p>
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<p>ok thanks for the comment.</p>
<p>I like the quote, and the part about preservation is okay as long as you don’t imply that one can then be revived using current technology. I think Franklin’s comment was not tragic. (I’m not sure it is possible to have a tragic comment; a tragic death, or situation, or loss, yes. A tragic comment, no.) </p>
<p>Your writing is interesting but overuse of dashes undercuts their effect. Some people accept split infinitives nowadays, but they are so easy to avoid that I’m not sure why you’d keep them (“to so easily learn” OR “to learn so easily”). The same is true of prepositions that end sentences (“benefits their work would lay the foundations for.” OR “benefits for which their work would lay the foundations.”)</p>
<p>Why not seek excellence? Your last statement on your OP seems incongruous with your essay conclusion!</p>
<p>Schokolade - </p>
<p>Wow. I <em>really</em> like your comments. They are very helpful (and insightful), and I will consider them and revise accordingly. Thank you!</p>
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<p>This part is extremely repetitive to the point that it almost does not make sense. Why not just stick to “So many great people have come before me.” or something more simple? Just my opinion. </p>
<p>Like someone else already said, all the dashes are unnecessary. If anything, it takes away from the essay. </p>
<p>Also, I liked the paragraph with the quote. Nicely done!</p>