This really annoys me!

Parent Cafe
41

You said that you are a couple, a unit, a pair that makes decisions together. Perhaps they felt that thanking one was thanking both.

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42

I know these are just words on a page and I may totally be misinterpreting the words but as a woman/wife I find this an insulting thing to say. Like I’m bossy or a drill
Sargent or something instead of a human who is hosting other humans

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43

Lol. She hosts very large holiday celebrations. There are times she doesn’t want help or people bringing anything. She’s a great cook. They all want to come and she makes tons of different foods/desserts etc and loves trying new recipes. She will tell people either it’s OK to bring something or not. She loves to host. These are our regular people. We are all close friend’s and the comment was more tounge in cheek remark anyway.

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44

Ummm, just a thought.

The annoying thing to me is that OP is hosting at her lake cabin, and driving company in her boat, but also buying dinner?

How about the guests buy dinner and fill the boat with gas?

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45

This is where I fall also but I totally get OP’s annoyance. My DH is a chronic picker-upper of restaurant checks and THAT annoys me :smile:

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46

Probably. It’s still thoughtless.

47

Yep!

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48

When someone thanks me directly for something financial in our family, I typically respond that it is my spouse and my pleasure to do so. Reinforcing that we are a team and one unit.

Perhaps ask your husband to approach these situations that way so it is clear you are a package deal. Just a suggestion.

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49

I like this idea very much.

“You’re welcome! @conmama and I are happy to do it!”

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50

I do feel like we are a unit, plus there is the fact that I haven’t earned a dime in 30+ years (but consider everything we have as 50/50, my husband feels the same).

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51

That could also be a reason the friends didn’t thank her, since she wasn’t at the table when the gesture was made. My husband will give our kids money (pocket money, he’s old school and takes out cash once or twice a week) and tells them “don’t tell mom.” It’s kind of a joke, they tell me, I tell him they tell me. Honestly they prefer Venmo, which is me (he doesn’t have a Venmo account, or even the username and password to our checking account).

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52

This was my first thought. The husband picked up the tab while she was in the restroom. As a recipient of this gesture I would thank immediately and not wait for the wife to return. That would be the most polite thing to do. She was not there when the thanks were made, maybe they said thanks to both of them, even though they relayed it only to him.

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53

That thought occurred to me too. Another thought I had that no one mentioned is this
we all know people who once the check comes, leave the table for whatever reason hoping they then won’t have to pay the check. I am sure conmama didn’t intend that (and we don’t even know if that was indeed the timing of the check arriving, payment happening, and conmama not being at the table.) It sounds like conmama and her DH share finances (which the friends may or may not know), but sometimes people do make all kinds of assumptions that are wrong.

Personally, I wouldn’t take offense that they thanked my H when I was away from the table and didn’t specifically thank me later. I would be very miffed if they didn’t thank me the entire weekend I hosted them.

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54

We recently traveled internationally with our daughter and her significant other. We invited them to join us on the trip. In our family, women don’t pay for meals when they dine with their men , so when the bill came, my husband would immediately offer his credit card. My daughter’s boyfriend often asked my husband if he could split the bill. Most of the time, my husband declined, but a couple of times he accepted—just to be polite. Every time, the person covering the bill was thanked. I would never be offended when they thanked my husband, even though we share our finances.

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55

That’s interesting. Both D and I like paying (then we get the credit card points!).

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56

My DH does the same, which I appreciate. Still, he is always the one thanked, receives a follow up text and I never hear a word ( this is with his extended family where we almost always pay).

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57

I do fondly recall my BIL once being dismissive of my repeated inclusion of my wife when I was picking up a holiday dinner check (we always pay). I responded he should thank her because I would have preferred to split the tab. He has never been as flippant since.

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58

Next time, pay in small bills. If the person isnt thanking you after a stack of ones and fives, that person isnt really a friend.

Every year, we give my in laws cash so they can treat themselves to something really nice. They thank my wife. It doesnt bother me. Id actually prefer they thank her and not me.

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59

I am the only one who pays when my husband and I go out to dinner. With my daughters, one of them trades on and off with her boyfriend. The other’s husband always pays and that’s how it’s always been for them.

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60

DW and I are the opposite - I need reading glasses and she doesn’t, so she usually takes care of the bill to save me from having to pull out my glasses. Or sometimes I’ll provide the card but DW fills out the receipt. We both have the same credit card (literally the same number on both) so it’s all coming from the same pot.

I sometimes wonder if that’s sparked private conversations about us when we eat out with other couples :rofl:

1 Like