<p><a href=“Humans of New York”>http://www.humansofnewyork.com/post/103210799661/my-children-are-18-17-and-15-and-i-think-its</a></p>
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<p>I teared up. </p>
<p>If you do Facebook, lots of interesting comments on it there. This is the official site so I posted this link instead.</p>
<p>Interesting, the fact she is concerned makes her a good mom.</p>
<p>However, once they are grown your kids don’t always think so even if you spent all your time chauffeuring them/ volunteering in their schools and cheering in the bleachers.</p>
<p>My niece didn’t have a great relationship with her dad growing up,( my younger brother), who was divorced from her mom when she decided that she was tired of being a military wife, but she is making an effort to at least have a relationship.
I didn’t get to see my mother much when my kids were growing up, cause she spent much of her time assisting my siblings kids, which I regret, because now that she has passed, my own kids don’t have much memory of her.
( Hs parents were likewise busy with another grandchild, although they are still alive. My oldest doesn’t see them, because then she would have to be in my city)</p>
<p>I do have a good relationship with my mom but I think what I have with my own kids is closer, somewhat more accepting maybe. That may be my perspective/bias but I don’t think so.</p>
<p>In the above quote she says she moved to NYC when she was 20 and just saw her mom once a year after…well my mom left ME in NYC when I was 20, she moved away, I stayed. For 10 years it was sort of like that, but then I moved to the same town she is in and our relationship changed a lot, for the better.</p>
<p>I think the original photo and quote struck me because it is such age-old mom stuff. Guilt, ambivalence about our own moms, worry that we didn’t do as well as we could have with our own kids.</p>
<p>And as they begin to grow up and get ready to leave is when it is particularly heart-wrenching to think about, I think. </p>
<p>I love HONY.</p>
<p>I am glad my folks and subs live in the same city as me. It has allowed us to be pretty connected with one another and get together pretty often. </p>
<p>When our kids were growing, I mostly stayed home with them and took on a few VERY part time gigs. It was a balance that allowed me to support them thru their chronic health issues. Now that they are living 2500-5000 miles away, I and we fly to visit several times a year and we look forward to when they may settle somewhere closer to us before starting their families. </p>
<p>I feel very fortunate to have the options I and we do and that tech allows folks to stay better connected than previously. </p>
<p>I was a stay-at-home-mom who only did freelance work and had plenty of time for my kids.</p>
<p>My daughter regrets that she didn’t have a career-oriented mom who could have served as a role model. </p>
<p>My oldest used to give me notes when she was in high school about how she admired me and I was her role model.
Which was very sweet and unexpected, since I certainly didn’t do anything like that for either of my parents when I was that age. Or ever. 
If I had, my dad might not have died when I was 17.</p>
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<p>DITTO! If it ain’t one thing it’s another, I suppose. My mom was busy going to grad school then working full time as I was growing up. She didn’t come to many of my plays or sporting events or make family dinners often, but she was (is) a great role model professionally. </p>
<p>EK,I know that you “know” that you weren’t responsible for the things that happened to your parents when you were a child. Try to really know it. Every parent is a flawed human being, we all are.<br>
Hugs
Is it going to be snowoppocolus there after Turkey day? Hope we can fly in and out!</p>
<p>Dads don’t beat themselves up over this stuff</p>
<p>I have never understood people who say “I would not change a thing if I could go back and relive my life.” Really? You, and it, was perfect? I absolutely would react and act differently to many moments and situations with my children if I could relive it. </p>
<p>If they’ve provided, they’re good?</p>
<p>Mothers bring home the bacon too</p>
<p>Yeah but as you see, we feel guilty about it if we think it impacts our mom-ness.</p>
<p>IDK if dads also feel that way - you said no?</p>
<p>Many dads regret the time they didn’t spend with their kids. I know mine did. We just talked about it yesterday. He’s making up for it by spending as much time as he can with his great grandkids. I wish he would talk to my son though who is extremely busy establishing his law practice. He needs to be home by dinnertime to spend with his baby.</p>
<p>I agree that saying all dads don’t feel the same is wrong. And many moms don’t feel that way, they see their kids as a burden.</p>
<p>My mom was SAH until I was 10. I didn’t know at the time my dad lost his job and was unemployed for several years. I really resented that she “left me”. My dad keeps saying that I “wouldn’t have gone to college” if she didn’t work. And she often worked 12 hours per day. I think that is bull, I was offered a full ride to our state school.</p>
<p>One of the psychological aspects of kids growing up is being able to leave them home alone. I think some parents feel guilty that they are happy about that.</p>
<p>It can be rather nerve-wracking for a couple when the major breadwinner loses his or her job. It’s also tough for kids when they no longer have the parent (often mom) home to cater to them, chauffeur them, etc. we were fortunate that H had a steady job for 45 years which allowed me to stay at home when the kids were young and then work part time when I did return to work. It allowed us what we felt was the best of both worlds. </p>
<p>It was especially important because my kids and I have chronic medical conditions which were diagnosed 15 years ago and involved both kids having frequent and prolonged absences from school. </p>
<p>I was glad that H mostly lived his job, but we were always concerned about whether his position might be eliminated in budget cuts. It was never filled by another civilian after he retired. If I had been working full time, we would have had two more reliable sources of income and I’d have some retirement benefits in my own right. I’d also have been a stronger role model of a work/home life balance, instead of being so heavily home life. Still, H and I feel very fortunate and have no real regrets. </p>
<p>@3bm103 - your post made me think of Harry Chapin.</p>
<p><a href=“Cats In The Cradle-Harry Chapin - YouTube”>Cats In The Cradle-Harry Chapin - YouTube;