As a guest, would you rather travel long distances to a remote location in a charmless town to be served cake and punch in a generic backyard for a couple of hours on Saturday afternoon, with all other meals on your own dime?
Or, would you rather travel to a stunning location that is much easier to than the remote hometown (because it is a popular tourist destination), where, on arrival, you are treated to a lovely casual bbq welcome rehearsal dinner in a stunningly beautiful location, with a lovely reception dinner the next night, and an optional send-off brunch the next morning? With Saturday morning free to explore the area?
Assume that the cost to you, as the guest, is identical to attend each wedding. As a guest, which do you prefer? (Again, also assume that the second wedding is within the couple’s means). Assume both weddings require you to spend both Friday and Saturday night in wedding location.
@nottelling that is a good point about the bride being from a place where people would have to travel anyway. While the bride and groom work and live in NY only the groom’s family is from NY. The bride’s family is from the mid west. Mexico might be more interesting for people to visit in December than the mid west.
When bride and groom are from very different geographical locations, or are living somewhere away from friends and family, I understand that travel will be involved for many of the guests, no matter where the couple chooses to get married. I don’t really consider that a destination wedding and it is inevitable that some friends/family may not be able to attend. It does make it hard for some guests who would love to attend but are limited either physically or financially. My Mom has made it to weddings for the 3 grandchildren who have been married so far, but could definitely not travel to anything that was more than a couple of hours away. She would be devestated if she missed a wedding because of distance. Unfortunately, something like that is sometimes unavoidable. I think if that happened in our family, we would probably host a small dinner celebrating the marriage for family members at a later date.
Putting aside the circumstance where most of the guests would have to travel far anyway–if a bride and groom choose a location that will require significant time, inconvenience, and expense for guests such that many will decline, that tells me that the guest list isn’t very important to them, certainly much less important than the venue. And since my presence or absence wouldn’t meaningful to the couple, I’d have no compunction about saying no. To some, a wedding is an opportunity to have people who are important to you share in what is one of the most significant occasions of your life. To others, it’s a reason to throw a big party. I’m in the former school, so would never encourage a destination wedding for my kids. In fact, if the bride and groom live somewhere that isn’t near where the majority of potential invitees live, I’d say they should have the wedding in a location that is the most convenient for the most attendees. But I guess I’m just a old curmudgeon.
I went to a beautiful destination wedding at a very posh resort in Southern California. The bride is a family member. Yes, it was expensive (DH, me, DD and DS all flew in) but after looking at the venue, after the countless glasses of (good) champagne and the 4-course dinner with various wines and the breakfast served the next morning – I realized that the groom/bride/parents spent far more on US than we did on the wedding gift and flight/hotel. Plus, it was a great time. I’m glad we went.
We attended one and it was lovely, however it was only about 20 people which included parents, siblings/spouses on attendant each.
My neighbors were invited a couple of years ago and found it odd that the invite list for a destination wedding included them. The husband was a coworker of the father and they had never met the bride. Turns out that the resort offered “points” to help cover the cost of the honeymoon so the more people you got to stay at the resort, the more your bill was reduced. The father was embarrassed and shall we say “ticked off” that the bride and the mom did not share this tidbit with him
My dear friend’s D is having a wedding that is convenient for the bride’s grandparents (who are getting older and not longer as mobile as they’d like to be), as well as many of her extended family members, all of whom live on Oahu, even tho she and her fiance live in Boston and many their friends live in NY (where they attended grad school). Some of her friends are in New Mexico, where she grew up & where her parents still live. The groom’s parents live in CA & S. Korea, so many of their friends and relatives probably live there. Parents of the bride have rented via AirBnB a very nice home near the bride’s grandparents for a week prior to the wedding. We are happy that we live near the ceremony and reception site but neither of our kids are flying in for the wedding (they were just here for their cousin’s wedding in August). Because the bride has so much extended family here on Oahu, to me, it really doesn’t seem like a “destination” wedding, as they have friends and family scattered across the US and S. Korea anyway.
I’m not a fan of destination weddings in general, although I do understand that for some couples their family and friends would have to travel no matter where they chose to get married. In that case, I think it’s nice to select someplace easy to access and that might appeal to others as a vacation destination.
A couple we know hosted their daughter’s wedding at a mountain resort that used to be a camp. They booked all of the accommodations (converted campers’ cabins plus several lodge houses) and provided meals and lodging for all guests for a long weekend. The resort offered a variety of outdoor activities and it sounded as if everyone loved it. There were about 35 - 40 relatives and close friends. It was important to the bride’s parents to pay for everything at the resort for their guests since many had to fly there, with some coming from out of the country. They felt that the transportation expense and hassle was more than enough to ask of their guests.
I am totally confused about the combination of a destination wedding at an all-inclusive resort. Since all meals are covered by the guests’ fees at an all inclusive resort, aren’t the Bride and Groom really having the guests pay for the wedding reception, rehearsal dinner and post-wedding brunch. I’m sure there are some additional costs for the ceremony but in large part it seems like a tremendous burden on guests above and beyond the costs of a destination wedding. Am I missing something here?
The resort I referenced above was not all-inclusive. It featured buildings with a variety of rooms and room combinations (loft with many beds, single rooms with 1 or 2 beds, etc.). Meals outside of the planned activities were on us. The groom covered lunch and the pre-wedding dinner, as well as breakfast the next day for all guests (food was brought in and cooked in the resort kitchen), and the resort provided the wedding reception meal.
As for would I rather travel to a resort with nice amenities than a “boring hometown” wedding, I think with hometown weddings, where the bride and/or groom grew up, where they know the vendors or perhaps even have friends doing the flowers, catering, etc. would be far more personally meaningful than a slick resort. There aren’t really that many hometowns so removed from civilization that a day trip to SOMEPLACE wouldn’t be possible.
My SIL’s wedding was at a lovely resort in the Dominican Republic. We used it as a family vacation. We had a great time, but It was a very expensive wedding. Three double rooms for 6 days (plus flights) at an all inclusive. One of the bride’s brothers (and wife and two young children) did not attend. Neither did any of her three step brothers. It was too expensive or didn’t work for their families as a vacation they wanted to take.
My best friend had a destination wedding for her second wedding. She asked me to be a bridesmaid, which was ever so sweet. But I declined because the wedding was Thanksgiving weekend. In Mexico. The women who were her bridesmaids were not her closest friends or sisters. They were friends who were available for a Thanksgiving weekend Mexican vacation.
We have gone to six or seven destination weddings in the last two years. It is expensive, exhausting and depending on the families a smaller more intimate wedding. One wedding was “small” with only 450 people. In theory the family should provide distractions, rehearsal dinner, breakfast day after and of course wedding dinner.
@RonnieGirl, it appears that while it is all inclusive, the nightly rate offered to the wedding guests is deeply discounted. I think it will be an amazing time for everyone who attends.
After reading all of the comments here, and looking more into it, it seems more like a good option for this couple. I can see a lot of people not being able to attend, and that might be just fine with them. No matter where they had it, there would probably be a lot of people who can’t swing attending so it might as well be someplace nice for those who can.
I would like to go if I can work it out, but again, not sure it is possible .
I’d like to be invited to a destination wedding at the castle where they film Downtown Abbey. The rent it out for weddings. Now that would be a real treat for guests who could make the trip!
We went to two family destination weddings this year…weddings where ALL the guests travelled. No one lived locally to the wedding venue.
The first was out of the country…and we just turned it into a great vacation. We spent an extra few days there…and since it was in the winter, it was a welcome respite from the miserable northeast winter weather.
The second wedding was in the country…but again…everyone travelled because no one lived at the location of the wedding. Again…lots of fun, and a great weekend get away for us.
We are invited to a sort of destination wedding in the spring. The future couple have relocated to a great place for a wedding…but no one…including most of their friends and all of,their families, lives in that town. Again…we will make it our spring vacation, and likely will take a few extra days there.
You know…we have to travel to just about every wedding we go to. It either involves a plane trip, or a drive. I mean really…no one is getting married in our town…or even our state!
I had that same thought Thumper…I haven’t been to a wedding in years that didn’t require travel. No kids seem to live in their “hometowns” anymore. If I were the OP I’d weigh the cost, the timing and the trouble to travel against how much the OP wants to attend and go from there. Most people will invite people to weddings with the expectation that not everyone is going to be able to attend. For me, being thought of as “close enough” to be invited to the wedding of a friend or a friend’s kid is pleasurable. If we can actually attend it’s a double bonus.
I inadvertently had a destination wedding for hubby’s side of the family. It was my hometown, where he also lived and worked, but 10 hours from his family and college friends. He ended up only having groomsmen and his grandparents, parents and sister. I had about 100 more people on my side.
“t just doesn’t happen. That being said, if this couple were not in your hometown, and were getting married in, say Utah, which would require a plane trip and several nights at a hotel, car rental, etc., would you feel the same way?”
Qualitatively, it feels very different to me to be asked to travel to, say Utah because that’s the bride’s hometown, and say someplace in the Caribbean when neither of them have ties there. I don’t consider the former a destination wedding; it just so happens one of the people is from far away. To me a destination wedding is explicitly a location where no one has a personal / family connection.
"As a guest, would you rather travel long distances to a remote location in a charmless town to be served cake and punch in a generic backyard for a couple of hours on Saturday afternoon, with all other meals on your own dime?
Or, would you rather travel to a stunning location that is much easier to than the remote hometown (because it is a popular tourist destination), where, on arrival, you are treated to a lovely casual bbq welcome rehearsal dinner in a stunningly beautiful location, with a lovely reception dinner the next night, and an optional send-off brunch the next morning? With Saturday morning free to explore the area?"
That choice isn’t making sense to me, because if I can put on a lovely event in the resort, why can’t I equally put on a lovely event in the average home town? In your scenario why am I only doing cake and punch in the backyard? In my own hometown I can equally treat guests to rehearsal dinners, send-off brunches, etc. it feels like you set up a straw man.
"I inadvertently had a destination wedding for hubby’s side of the family. It was my hometown, where he also lived and worked, but 10 hours from his family and college friends. "
That’s not a destination wedding. I got married in my hometown which was 300 miles away from H’s hometown, but that doesn’t make it a destination wedding. Likewise, my sister got married in her H’s hometown (where she also lived) and that was 300 miles away but that didn’t make it a destination wedding. Merely having to travel doesn’t make something a destination wedding IMO.
Plus, it was a great time. I’m glad we went.