<p>I had what I think is a pretty typical Thanksgiving experience with my freshman s. I knew he’d be busy seeing friends and that we’d probably see him at mealtimes more than anything. I guess I’m just out of the habit of having a nocturnal person in my house. He’s not a drinker so he’s responsible on that end, but I found it all more disruptive and unsettling than I had expected. I found it more annoying than I expected to see him eating a bowl of cereal at 2 in the afternoon.</p>
<p>So, do any of you have suggestions about how to ease through that three week break? Do you take a family trip? Do you expect your college kid to participate in family stuff or do you let them pick and choose? Do you run the vaccum cleaner at 9am and slam it into their door? Ideas please!</p>
<p>Or have your little rules/expectations pow-wow with them from the get go so no ill feelilngs fester week one of Christmas break only to explode week two. </p>
<p>You should not expect though, for things to be the way they were a year ago - that’s called growth and independence on the part of your child and part of the natural process of being away. While you need to have rules/respect, (both of you) you as a parent also don’t want to suffocate your student to the point that they don’t enjoy coming home.</p>
<p>Our D will be home for almost 6 weeks this year. She finishes finals on Dec. 17th and 2nd semester doesn’t start until January 28th. We are taking a family trip to Disney from 1/22 - 1/26 and she is flying directly back to school from Orlando and we’ll fly home. However, it is a long time to be home - LOL! She checked back with her summer employer while home last week to see if they can offer her any hours, but being retail, that doesn’t look too promising. Thought about the possibility of having her look into doing some kind of unpaid internship locally, but probably too late to arrange that, but is worth looking in to. (She is a journalism major). She likes being home, but does find it boring after a while. Last year, she went back to school a week early and worked, but her Work Study hours got cut significantly this year, so that probably won’t be an option either. She could go back to school for a week or two, as the dorms stay open, and that may be an option, but mostly for a change of scenery. All of her HS friends go back to school in mid-January, so once they are gone - then she really gets bored with us! As far as the late hours, I remind her to turn out the lights, not make noise (I get up for work at 5:30 and H gets up at 6:00), and we will “try” to be quiet in the morning so she can sleep. But, on weekends, it’s fair game as I do sometimes have to run the vacuum outside of her bedroom door - LOL! Lastly, I turn the heat down to 60 when we go to bed, so within an hour, she is usually freezing and does the same. I am not going to wake up in the morning and find the heat still cranked up to 72 like it did last winter!</p>
<p>I know there is one school in my state that does that LOOOOOOOONG break - from Thanksgiving till like 2nd week of January…what is the rationale for such a long break??? Especially thinking about Freshmen who probably are just adjusting - then they have to go home and unadjust for 6 weeks???</p>
<p>My DH hates the disruption of kids being up all night, he also hates when they sit on the couch and watch a marathon Top Model or Project Runway I try to remind him no one has TV at school and it is their down time, their job is school so this is break.</p>
<p>I encourage them to go out and about and see friends, to be active, to do anything other than sleep all day and watch TV, but sometimes that is what happens.</p>
<p>If they are looking for a holiday pick up job, you might see if there is a pet sitting service in your area, my DDs is a pet sitter, she works for a service who handles jobs year round and she does that, too in grad school, but the holidays can get over booked for them.</p>
<p>In my experience (YMMV), the extremes of the nocturnal behavior damp down over time. My now-college-senior son is back to near normal, somewhat of a late sleeper compared to his lark-type family. His first two times home freshman year, I could most expect to see him around 5:00 am, when I was waking up and he was headed to sleep.</p>
<p>I was tempted at times not to run the vacuum cleaner when he was sleeping. But, if I needed to do most anything else, I did it. His sleep-wake cycle didn’t really disrupt us and it wasn’t a battle I felt I needed to pick. </p>
<p>Summer break he had a job, so it was a non-issue.</p>
<p>I think it’s part of testing the limits of what is means to be structuring their own days and nights. By sophomore year, he was annoyed at his roommate’s nocturnal habits! Roommate started studying in the room, around 1 am, just about the time DS wanted to shut down for the night. Justice!</p>
<p>My Dh also does not enjoy the nocturnal stuff. During break we turned on a fan in our room so that if he was up and about it wouldn’t wake us, but it is really hard to settle in to a deep sleep when there are people up in the house. I did actually get angry with him and his friends last year because they were sometimes wanting to come in at 1AM and he couldn’t understand why I couldn’t just go to sleep and not worry if I heard anything. I pointed out that while we live in a relatively safe community, there has been an explosion in the rate of burglaries. Ds is good about locking the door, but that doesn’t mean his friends are. I told my dh last year that this period was a lot like being a parent of a newborn, and that losing sleep is just part of the deal. I have a niece who’s parents demand she be home by 11PM, so she doesn’t visit much. I’d like to find the middle ground.</p>
<p>I find that I reset my body clock when the kids are home. The best conversations happen at 3 AM for some reason. Of course they’ve been gone for days and I’m still wide awake at three, lucky there’s CC!</p>
<p>Of course we live in NYC where many don’t go out until very late, but my sister lives in a small town where everything closes early and I always wonder where the heck her kids are in the middle of the night!</p>
<p>With what money? Our cash is paying THEIR college costs. </p>
<p>We love having our kids at home. We have a few house rules that they are very willing to adhere to. We ask them to please tell us when they will be home. On weeknights when we are working, we remind them that they wake US up if they come home late. We just ask that they be home by 1 a.m. We also ask them to call us with any changes of plans…we don’t like surprises and we just want to know where they are. They don’t have a problem with either of these things. They are 20 and 24.</p>
<p>Also, we encourage them to invite their friends HERE. And if they do, they can sleep over. We have plenty of room and that works out well too. Our kids tend to go to a friend’s and spend the night. We know most (if not all) of the families…and this works out well.</p>
<p>The only thing that bothers me is that the lights are on constantly, and the shower is always running. I do not look forward to my utility bill for the Dec 15-Jan 3 time period (when both kidlets will be here). It typically doubles (no kidding).</p>
<p>Our biggest problem is sleeping arrangements. Especially who gets the highly prized and comfortable couch. H & I are night owls. Often we fall asleep, one on the couch and one in the recliner or even on the living room floor (though not in winter). S1 really likes the couch as well, as does the dog (who has been known to beg to go out and when we get up to let her out, she jumps into the warm space on the couch). </p>
<p>S1 gradually covers his bed with junk and takes the guest bed. S2 only has a futon in his room, so when he comes home he gets the guest bed. However, he refuses to have anything to do with a space where his brother has been, so I have to completely strip the bed and wash everything (including comforter and pillows) before he will use it.</p>
<p>Their odd hours do not bother us. The worst thing is to figure out who will be present for what meals. Since they are perfectly willing to fend for themselves regarding food, we can usually get around this.</p>
<p>We had a very nice but short visit from S2. My main hope for the longer Christmas break is that his transportation will be cheaper. We had very little flexibility in scheduling flights over Thanksgiving so the airlines really hosed us. (Why is it price gouging when gas stations do it but ok when airlines do it?) </p>
<p>Talked to my friend with three boys in college and she said one rule they have is that everybody in the house is up by noon. They can stay up as late as the like, but they get awakened at noon every day. </p>
<p>I agree with the person who said the best conversations happen at 3am(well 1 for me but I’m in Indiana rather than NYC). Last year I was always up when he came home(he was a senior) and he was more talkative then than at any other time of day. </p>
<p>My friend with the three in college also said that winterbreak will be the longest three weeks of my life. Yikes!</p>
<p>10 am is the latest I’ll tolerate - Hee, hee. When my older daughter comes home, she fits into our schedule. We have our meals the same time, and she is required to eat with us then she could go out with her friends. She has her own car at her disposal, so she could come and go as she pleases, but she needs to let us know where and when. I also inform her before the break on any social events I require her presence, and I expect her to bring proper attires home. She is also expected to help out with chores around the house. My husband would say, “We understand you may think this is your vacation, but if you thought this is a B&B you have checked into a wrong place.”</p>
<p>That’s funny, oldfort! It could be like the difference between going on a luxury cruise or one of those barefoot cruises–on the latter you have to help crew the boat. It’s still a vacation, but it’s not without effort. :)</p>
<p>Agreed with Oldfort. Our family also has some FAMILY happenings over the holidays that both kids will be attending. The difference is that our kids have the appropriate attire hanging here in their closets…which is a good thing (they have nice clothes at school too…). With limited baggage allowances these days, this is not a bad thing. We also have the same “meals” rule. The family sits down for supper together (DH and I aren’t here at lunch and the kids are sleeping at breakfast). They can’t go out until AFTER supper. Christmas eve and Christmas Day are spent here…all day (which doesn’t begin until late morning:)</p>
<p>I thought it was cute that S2 when he was home for fall break and for Thanksgiving always asked if he could go to the movies, go see a friend, etc. Fortunately, it hasn’t dawned on him that he’s over 18. All I ask is that he let us know where he’s going and when he’ll be back.</p>
<p>themper1 - you are from midwest? I haven’t heard anyone use “supper” since I moved from WI. I used to get very excited when people offered me soda when I first moved to east coast. I had a vision of a coke with vanilla ice cream floating on top. But they only meant a pop.</p>
<p>I ask around and got my DD some house sitting jobs for friends who are out of town. She makes $$$ and gives us a little break. It’s just one over night and a couple of days of dog sitting. It leaves her with some free time from us too and she goes back to school with some money.</p>
<p>My freshman D will be home in four days and I can’t wait! I haven’t seen her since the end of September when we dropped her off at her out-of-state university. Senior S will be home later, on Dec. 23, but will stay longer… we haven’t seen him since his sister’s graduation in June. It will be very strange to have both of them under the roof again. And now S is 21, so it will be REALLY strange to see him share a beer with H!</p>
I try to remind him no one has TV at school and it is their down time, their job is school so this is break.</p>