<p>Oh, I would never stay put for my adult children. But I can’t imagine picking up and moving my life at this point anyway, so it is all pretty moot.</p>
<p>I would never think of it as pitting my life against theirs. Just weird-sounding to me. We’re a family, not a competition…(cue music)</p>
<p>I am planning to move to be near one of my kids someday.</p>
<p>Actually, the grandkids, when they exist. :)</p>
<p>So, if my two oldest both have kids, then the question is…which kid do I move near?</p>
<p>I’ve already told my husband that we’ll split our time between whatever towns where we have grandchildren!</p>
<p>Yep, we were one of those families that moved during kiddos’ high school years from one end of the country (Bay area) to another, NC. With five children all at college-age or quickly approaching it made a lot of sense. The cost of living difference was great and still has been for us.</p>
<p>Housing, food, electricity, gas, car insurance, employment growth (RTP)…the list is huge. In-state status for undergraduate but more importantly for our family’s goals of graduate school. Specifically with regards to residency being a priority for many of the in-state grad/prof programs. ECU med school has not had an out-of-state student in 20 years accepted, tuition is about $8000 per year. UNC-Chapel Hill’s med school limits OOS, NCSU’s vet school again is mandated to fill the class FIRST with all qualified in-state applicants, again top-priority to residents.</p>
<p>All four years of professional school tuition at one of these in-state schools is less than 1 year’s tuition than where son attends now for undergrad. After seeing what many MDs/DVMs are leaving school with in regards to debt, this seemed like a great option for our family.</p>
<p>After growing up a military brat, moving constantly I learned quickly a house does not make a home, but rather the people in it do. I am home anywhere my children can be happy and realize their dreams.</p>
<p>So far, so good!</p>
<p>Kat</p>
<p>there was an article in the N&O recently about a very large influx of transplants from the NJ and NY area to NC, a mass exodus</p>
<p>What is N&O?
</p>
<p>Does not surprise me. I am noticing it.</p>
<p>dstark, I have a friend who was living in NJ and his brother was in Az. Both have kids. The grandparents sold their home to buy a small condo in both states. They spent winters in AZ and spring/summers in NJ.</p>
<p>northeastmom, I know somebody who sold his house and did something similar to your friend’s parents. </p>
<p>That may be an option.</p>
<p>Children need grandparents around. :)</p>
<p>dstark, It worked out well. After about 7 years of the Az/NJ thing, my friend in NJ moved to AZ. At that point the grandparents just sold their small (and I heard that it was really tiny) condo in NJ, and AZ became their year round residence.</p>
<p>Maybe, you’ll do something similar, northeastmom?</p>
<p>Well, I hope that my kids don’t live too far apart. They are very close, so I cannot imagine this situation. If it happened, I would either do something similar, or I would just end up doing 1-3 week visits every several months if one of them were to live really far away. Honestly, I never thought much about it. We are years away from our oldest settling down with any permanency, or my H retiring, so I am not really thinking about it. I don’t think that my older kid is going to be in any rush to marry, let alone grandchildren. The AZ/NJ family was able to do this b/c they retired quite early.</p>
<p>How’s this for sad: My neighbor has two daughters. One lives in London, with the two grandchildren. The other lives is Australia. No grandchildren yet, but there will be.</p>
<p>How do you split your time??</p>
<p>veryhappy-
I can think of worse places to <em>have</em> to visit (or live).</p>
<p>My h grew up on a small island in the Pacific. Only got back to the states every few years. Some of his relatives were in the middle east, and the rest were in Wisconsin (though they spread out all over the place, eventually). Family get togethers were a challenge.</p>
<p>If they knew how nice the lifestyle is down south (low stress, low cost, slow pace, nice weather, etc.) everyone would leave New Jersey.</p>
<p>Y’all stay away! ;)</p>
<p>I think it depends on the grandparents
Its very nice that y’all are involved with your kids- but for example my inlaws live about 5 miles north and while they did manage to come to the older ones high school and college graduation- other than that- we couldn’t really count on them for much- they weren’t interested.
After 20 or so times when they said they would come and didn’t- we gave up asking, it was too hard on the kids not knowing if they would show up.</p>
<p>My mother does show up- if we go and get her- as she gave her car to one of her other grandchildren-( while she did have her car when the kids were younger- she was always too busy babysitting one of my sisters 5 kids- to be very involved with mine although that doesn’t count the few years that she lived with my brother and his wife, because they couldn’t find child care)</p>
<p>However- we have adopted friends in the neighborhood- to serve as surrogates :)</p>
<p>No problem, atomom–I am a Jersey girl through and through, and I adore NJ! South Jersey is as far as I am going.</p>
<p>We keep debating moving once DD2 is off to college, so that we can afford the current student loans and the new ones we will add on for the next four years.
Also, our house is not set up for someone semi-handicapped. Big old stairs up and down, in and out. I can do stairs ok, but not easily. Dreams of ranch living fill my head.
The two big downsides are that we’d have to go so far it would be an evil commute for DH, and the only lower cost places in commuting distance seem to be over 55 places. Due to my advanced age we do qualify. sigh.
I wish we had someone sensible to advise. Lower costs would be lovely. One person said we’d be throwing away retirement money in that a cheaper house will build equity at a lower rate than a more expensive house. Ours is NOT an expensive house at all, just more expensive than farther into central, west or south jersey for the same price or a bit more.
Are there advisors for folks without much $? We went to one guy who basically walked us back out and told us retirement and our future were “hopeless”.</p>
<p>oldinjersey, Years ago we had a stair lift put into my inlaw’s home. This is not the exact chair we installed, but close enough. I have no idea what brand it was, but I know installed years ago the cost was about 11,000. The price may have gone up or down since (I have no idea). Perhaps this is your best solution. Stay in your home and instead of paying closing and moving costs, just install a stair lift:<a href=“http://www.tkaccess.com/stair-lift/[/url]”>http://www.tkaccess.com/stair-lift/</a></p>
<p>This thing has been a miracle for both of my inlaws over the years. They had very steep steps, and my MIL became paralyzed after a stroke. Years later, my FIL became to weak to walk up the stairs, and he was able to remain in his home. It was really a tool that allowed them to stay in their home.</p>
<p>We will definitely be making some lifestyle changes when I retire after the 2008 academic year. This big Victorian house is too much house for me and my wife.</p>
<p>Northeastmom. thanks so much for posting the link about the chair lift.</p>
<p>I knew college confidential would come in handy. :)</p>
<p>dstark, Your welcome. I am not recommending this company, or this chair, as I know nothing about it. I am just using it as an example of what can be done. This type of chair really allowed my inlaws to continue their lifestyle for as long as possible in their own home. My father inlaw never needed to move out of his home. IMO, this type of chair is a fabulous invention.</p>