<p>Upon many researches, I concluded that you need at least three solid foundations for a good retirement. They are: strong financials, excellent health and good social supports.</p>
<p>There are so many financial and health related topics already. I would like discussion about the social support.</p>
<p>Basically, you need at least a hobby, good family relationship and some good friends. </p>
<p>One thing I am not very good is making good friends. How do you do that?</p>
<p>The real life is not like those on TV where one hangs out and party all the time. Or is it? Once you retired and start to have more free time, do you naturally start to have more “friends”?</p>
<p>One thing that can help is engaging in activities you enjoy. Sign up for a course or two you like. Call you local United Way and see if there are any charities that need volunteers. Find an exercise you like–walking the neighborhood, Pilates, yoga, spinning (biking), hiking, etc. at these activities, be open and friendly. Be willing to linger afterwards and go out for a snack or meal–food is a good social lubricant. Working on a common project as volunteers builds comradierie. Reach out to the neighbors–linger in your yard and strike up a conversation–current events, sports, some great local performance–whatever strikes your fancy. Share extra fruit or whatever is growing in your yard with neighbors. </p>
<p>These are all ways to start relationships. Put some effort into sustaining them and you can broaden your social circle. There are also senior clubs run by the county offices on aging–try attending some meetings and see whether you find any like minded folks. </p>
<p>Its time to give back. Allowing other organizations and institutions to caretake those who claimed to be in need, now have the opportunity to give back to those truly in need. As HImom says, volunteer. Give your time and your money to those truly in need. You will make connections at volunteer organizations and get to know people who will show what its like to give back.</p>
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One thing I am not very good is making good friends. How do you do that?</p>
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<p>Making friends is easy…You have to BE A FRIEND. That means listening! …asking about THEIR lives and situations. Being interested in what’s going on with them. If they need help, be there for them. </p>
<p>I am always shocked when people say that they are “friends” with So and So, yet they really know nothing about them. How can someone be your friend yet you don’t know basic stuff about them. Do these folks just do all the talking???</p>
<p>As for foundations for retirement (other than financial), I think both spouses need to be on the same page, at least somewhat. I’m not saying that they should be joined at the hip, but if one wants to travel, hopefully the other one will, too. If one wants to move to Florida, hopefully the spouse agrees. </p>
<p>Agree it’s nice to have some shared visions. H is retired and I’ve scaled back my work some. It’s still enjoyable but I want us to enjoy more time together and do some traveling while we are both healthy enough to enjoy it. ;)</p>
<p>I think friends just happen organically as you go about your everyday life. For me over the years its been couples in my neighborhood, mothers I met at playgroups, co-workers and parents on my children’s sports teams. If you are involved in community events you meet people and some just stick. But I think most people have different “layers” of friends - I do not consider every friend a “close” one and am very careful about who I confide in. Some friends are people to meet occasionally for coffee /lunch or invite to a summer BBQ. </p>
<p>I do think social engagement is very important as you age - it keeps you connected and increases your activity level outside the home. A lot of retirees throw themselves into their grown children and grandchildren and I think that is great. But I also think it is very important to establish an independent life of your own that includes relationships with some people in your own age group. I think this becomes even more critical the older one gets as many lose their spouse and there needs to be some social structure in place once that happens.</p>
<p>I agree…you need to be a friend to have friends. The most important thing to remember…the phone lines go in two directions. It’s I pirtant for you to initiate interactions…not only wait for others to initiate the with you.</p>
<p>I’m retired. I see other retirees from my work once monthly for lunch. Another group and I go to senior Monday movies once a month…or so. In the summer we bike ride, go for walks, and picnic. </p>
<p>I volunteer at an organization that I really like. I’ve been doing that for over two years now, and have a whole new group of friends…we go out together, celebrate birthdays, etc.</p>
<p>I still also have my friends that I’ve had all along. In particular, several friends who I have known for over 30 years…our kids are about the same age, and we all “grew up” together…and now are retiring together.</p>
<p>I think it’s important to know how you’re going to spend your time. Lots of people I know, get bored after awhile. If you’re not sure, it may be a good idea to do a practise run on retirement or reduce the days that you work. </p>
<p>I am getting to know a couple of people from my regular marathon training. When you run 16 week with someone, you know them pretty well. But once the training is over, we go back to our everyday life. </p>
<p>Another social activities I partake is photography. I work with many very pretty models every week but they are too young to be my “friends”. There are several "meet up " groups in town but their social hours are mostly in work days and they cost $$ to attend.</p>
<p>Hopefully I will have more time to participate in more group activities to get to know more people. </p>
<p>When I am doing the running, no many want to talk about where their kids going to schools. When I am with the smart group of scientists, no body wants to talk about 8 minute mile for 26 miles. </p>
<p>May be I should listen to others’ bragging more. </p>
<p>about volunteering. I don’t see me doing that. I don’t know. I just don’t have good experiences with people from different segments of the society. </p>
<p>Once folks found out I was retired, I was swamped with volunteer requests. I serve on two town commissions, and volunteer for a charity I really like. I also work at the polls during elections, and do some per diem work on occasion. </p>
<p>I get asked to do things frequently…that I have to say no to! </p>
<p>You volunteer doing things that are of interest to you. </p>
<p>I have to admit that it was easier to make friends in that second circle of intimacy when the kids were younger and we were thrown together by school and extracurricular events. Now that they’re up and out, we tend to come home in the evening and spend the night here rather than going back out to meetings/games/events.</p>
<p>We moved to a new country when the youngest left home, so we have had to make all new friends (except for our virtual friends online). We joined a church and sing in the choir which provides lots of social activities - lunch after church on Sundays, coffee hour, pub after choir practice, occasional picnics and bbqs at homes. H also joined a gamer’s club to play board games with likeminded nerds. I have joined 2 women’s clubs that have activities like book clubs, outings, volunteering, lectures, etc. It’s been a little over a year. We haven’t made “life-long” friends yet, but we have a good circle and, hopefully, many of these friendships will last. </p>
<p>This is a interesting and timely thread for us. We’re selling our house in the Chicago suburbs and tentatively planning on moving to San Diego. We have no real friends or social life here so one of my main objectives to establish that after our move. I agree that a social network is very important, especially as you age. We don’t know anyone out there (although we do have friends within a few hours) so we have to hit the ground running.</p>
<p>Some of my ideas include
(1) the Jewish Community Center. I hope to learn Tai Chi, do water aerobics, take water color classes, and maybe volunteer at their library.
(2) Meet-up groups; I’ve researched several for both DH and me including a few dining groups. I may also look at some photography groups for myself. Meet-up is a little tricky because so many of them are for singles or younger people (or athletes). There’s one for ex-Chicagoans but it seems to mainly meet at bars and watch the Bears.
(3) Classes via local universities and colleges; lots of free stuff for seniors. Not sure yet what I want to study but something in history or art sounds interesting.
(4) Synagogue; that depends on which one we join which I will leave up to DH. Many synagogues have member groups according to interest, so I’ll look for a retiree/empty nester level.
(5) Get a job. This is a long shot since it’s unlikely I would find anything decent but it still is part of my plan.
(6) Libraries - they have social programs plus I would like to find a book club since I love reading but have never been in one.</p>
<p>I know it may take a while to build up a group of friends but I’m really looking forward to the whole experience. I’ve tried some of these ideas around here but it just hasn’t worked out this very family oriented area.</p>
<p>Just have to say, one of my sort of beefs, or hangups with MeetUp is that the majority of meetups are scheduled for evenings and weekends. I have not been able to find anything in my area for during the week days. I suspect this is party due to the fact that not as many people of retirement age use a tool like MeetUp. I still look from time to time, but I have not had any luck with it.</p>
<p>Finding people available during the day has been a struggle for me - most people my age are still working and I’m not ready (nor do I think I’m eligible) to join the senior center! </p>