<p>This may be preferable if the divorce will not affect the parents’ ability and willingness to contribute EFC or financial aid paperwork for the kid’s college costs, or if the kid is already emphasizing large merit scholarship schools anyway.</p>
<p>However, if the divorce could make college financing problematic (see post #4 and #12), the third kid may need to adjust his/her college application list to emphasize large merit scholarships in order to be more insulated from the parents’ financial issues.</p>
<p>First of all, I’d want to know how college will be funded for your offspring. I hope there is a firm plan in place, and commitment from both of you on who is to pay what. Neither party should be left holding the financial commitment alone, which could happen with divorce, depending on the state and the feelings of the parties involved. </p>
<p>However, if one parent has a significantly lower income, and is the custodial parent for tax purposes, it could lead to a lower EFC, if a FAFSA only school. Divorce could be to one parents benefit, if not everyone’s benefit. Though suddenly there is no dependent deduction for the higher income parent. It is complicated, depending on incomes, schools, financial aid needs, etc. </p>
<p>On the down side, it can be easier for some to feel ok about the other parent pre divorce, before the gritty details of finances need to be hashed out. Folks think they will be friends, but sometimes that friendship atrophies over time and after the hard discussions. </p>
<p>My ex and I did well for many years, and we have seen each other for graduations 3 years in a row, civilly, though there have been many rough times. My divorced parents stayed lifelong good friends, and it was nice to be able to enjoy them both at once on occasion. There were long separations in both cases, and the divorces were not that big a deal.</p>
<p>Thanks, this was just what I wanted… a variety of experiences. </p>
<p>As of May, 2/3 will have finished grad/law school. Only one younger one who starts college in 2014. Her college is fully funded, finances for that are not the issue- fortunately. Dating, etc… not the issue, at least for me. There is a home for the children/etc that is not in any way conditional on our marital or financial status. </p>
<p>Although I think the divorce could be a ‘non-event’ for me in SOME ways (we have lived apart for a long time), it won’t be in others and while I am determined to always be civil, I feel I have already expended tremendous ‘good will’ in the spirit of not letting our issues become anyone else’s issues… so I imagine the financial settlement phase will be a test.</p>
<p>If I could do the 70 second thing, I would… but I imagine they had a pile of lawyers working overtime before that took place!!</p>
<p>not sure if anyone mentioned this- sometimes kids holdout hope if it stretches a long time. i always thought that summer is better than school year. just my opinion.</p>
<p>The timing has already begun. The major bread winner has timed it to where he/she won’t have to pay child support or legally be obligated to pay for college. If you’re the money maker, you’re doing just fine. If you’re not then you need to run not walk down to the lawyers.</p>
<p>A lot of my friends are going through this now. The worst one is the H dropped it on my friend without any warning and my friend was blind sided by it. They got divorced within few months. She sold the family home and all of their belongings (I mean everything). She moved to a very far place. The kids no longer have a home to even bring their things back to. </p>
<p>I am a big advocate of going to see a couple therapist before the final divorce. It is not trying to work it out as much to allow both parties to air their differences in order to have a closure. Even after the kids are out of the house, there’ll be weddings, births, holidays, so many milestones in the kids’ lives that you’ll want to be civil with each other when you are in the same room. Kids would be happier if they could invite both parents to those milestones without feeling awkward. If you are not as resentful of each other, maybe you could also spend less money on legal fees too.</p>
<p>OP - sorry about what you are going through. Divorce is never a non event.</p>
<p>I am not concerned about college funding, other aspects of finance could be contentious. We did 8 months of couple counselling… and really things are civil now. The lawyer I saw outlined 5 settlement options- ranging from having us most to least involved, and with least to highest costs. I prefer to try collaboration, but it is challenging logistically. I think efficient might be more important than anything else, to be honest…</p>
<p>OP, just make sure that any retirement funds/401 plans/pensions are discussed in connection with financial settlements, so that you are protected if necessary.</p>
<p>Divorce timing varies by state and country and Nigella’s is a sign of that. In my state divorce by consent (custody/assets divided by agreement) takes about 120 days. Some states are much longer. </p>
<p>Agree with the poster who said that most kids/others aren’t privy to the document filing/stages. If you feel that you have already reached the end of your good will rope, probably best to get it over ASAP rather than haggle. </p>
<p>If you are already seperated for a long while (and her life/her college stuff won’t change), why do you anticiapte it causing (more/new) chaos for your daughter?</p>