Tips for teary, emotional types

Parent Cafe
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<p>Try being a guy like that!</p>

<p>I can’t say I outright cry, sob or God forbid wail, but I tear up fairly easily (not often but a graduation is one of those times; also some music does it to me) and then I can’t talk, words don’t come out. So I hope I’m not asked a question during one of these moments. I’m over 6’2 and I know it would look really silly if I outright cry so picturing a large man crying in my mind helps keep me under control.</p>

<p>Other things that work somewhat…bite the inside of your cheek (but don’t draw blood!). Deep breaths. And tell yourself repeatedly “it’s OK” or “its temporary”. Sounds odd but works for me.</p>

<p>At son’s college graduation, leading the procession into the stadium, comes the bagpipe band. I knew it was coming, I thought I’d be prepared, but knowing it was the real thing sent me over the edge for a couple minutes.</p>

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<p>Bring on the big Jackie O. sunglasses!</p>

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<p>2331clk-- I get the same way-- unable to talk. I actually try biting my lip sometimes. Bagpipes, Pomp and Circumstance… I can definitely sympathize!</p>

<p>Our S. (6’2 like you) can also tear up occasionally. Not often, but I know it frustrates him. Saying that final goodbye might be tough. I know it will be for me. Hopefully there’ll be so much excitement and so many kids to meet that happiness will prevail.</p>

<p>I remember my parents dropping me off at school in 1979. Think I cried for about 2 minutes, before heading out to meet the other girls on my hall. By the end of the day I was having the time of my life. Hope it will be the same for these guys.</p>

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<p>Don’t blame the men; boys were all taught explicitly how to not cry. “Big boys/real men don’t cry…” shut off the faucets at a young age. Then the shame someone mentioned above kicked in for the rest of his life. What was done to you is done to others, under stress especially. So if your H turns to you and makes fun of you for crying, he’s really right there with you, just inside-out. No need to get mad at him, just hug him back. </p>

<p>“Never be embarassed by sincere emotions.” This was my F-I-L’s advice to my H when, at age 10, my H inexplicably was crying over the loss of his friend’s dad. “Why am I even crying? He wasn’t my Dad and I didn’t even know him.” asked the little boy. And that’s when my F-I-L said the above line. If instead he’d said, “big boys don’t cry” right then, I think my H would be a very different person today. I thanked my FIL for saying that, and of course, he didn’t remember at all. My H passed down the story to our sons, and it’s been so helpful. </p>

<p>It doesn’t matter why anyone cries, or doesn’t cry. “The heart has its own reasons.” </p>

<p>People who don’t cry imagine they’re not as sensitive when the person next to them cries. It’s just a different acculturation or hardwiring. Both are feeling a-plenty. </p>

<p>That said, as a clergy wife I occasionally see people at funerals “wailing and honkin” who have been the least involved with the deceased in times of need, and that IS resented by the genuine caregivers. </p>

<p>But dear OP, you really earned the right to respond however you wish!!!</p>

<p>In recent years, I’ve found the time before big events to consider them, take hot weepy baths ahead of time, and hope that by the time of the actual ceremony I’m a bit beyond it and simply beaming with joy at the child’s accomplishment. </p>

<p>I had a work friend who did feel embarassed b/c she wept publicly at many significant meetings when there were big announcements made of new directions on staff. I figured she was someone who cared a lot more deeply about our workplace than I ever did!! Everyone found it endearing and it in no way diminished our respect for her! We just passed up a kleenex box to the microphone. She was embarassed, and I noticed it diminished over time so maybe she worked on it privately, I’ll never know. </p>

<p>DON"T WORRY. You are there at his big event and that’s a cause for joy. If you’re so happy you cry, well, then you’re that happy!</p>

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<p>Others have already mentioned the big dark sunglasses :cool:, and the biting of lips (& tongue), but if you are going to succumb may I suggest a really pretty hanky, or if it is a hot day a dainty fan (helps to dry up the tears, keep you cool, and you can hide behind it!) Best Wishes we are all in the same tippy boat :)</p>

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<p>Should check back in a month or two to see how we all fared-- Our S’s graduation isn’t until the end of June! I think they purposely wait til the weather will be good and HOT (that fan may come in handy)!</p>

<p>Paying3-- I am going to take the liberty of ‘borrowing’ your FIL’s quote. I like it a LOT. Wish someone had raised H. that way. Me too, for that matter. At mention of tears or emotion he will express exasperation, even going as far as to use the term ‘insane.’ I think this is due to his background, and some sort of insecurity on his part. I don’t want it carried down to our kids, though. I also think that some people just don’t get as emotionally involved. Everybody is wired differently, I guess.</p>

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<p>I can’t believe that I’m not the only one with this issue. It happenned to me later in life, and feel that its a real curse. Being brought up in a strict British (heritage) household, “stiff upper lip” was the only acceptable way to behave. We were even instructed not to cry (by my mother) at my father’s memorial service. I get more than teary at church, at parades, don’t even GO near bagpipes, or any sort of ceremony…funerals of people I didn’t know, weddings on TV, etc. To me its really embarrassing, and my family thinks its hysterical. I’m dreading my youngest’s “graduation” from 5th grade…just thinking about it gets me teary. (and I hated the school and she’s transferring out next year!)…I wonder if I could put myself in a different “mental” place…sometimes that works at church, but not always. The tears have nothing to do with sadness. Its more sentiment and emotion, I guess.</p>

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<p>dke–I had to laught about the 5th grade graduation. For youngest’s 5 grade graduation, I did the photo slideshow with the emotional song background…I waited until the last minute, stayed up all night a couple of days the week of the event, had last-minute “technical” problems that had me totally freaked out. I watched that stupid show about 5,000 times. But when we actually showed it there in the gym, I had tears streaming down my face and H, who was “manning” the PC, admitted that he got quite misty eyed, too. Yeah…5th grade.</p>

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<p>Looks like you’ve come to the right, place, dke :)</p>

<p>I really do fell better after reading these posts. I don’t know if it will help quell the waterworks, but at least I know I’m in good company.</p>

<p>And yes, middle school graduations can be tough too. According to our children, Natasha Bedingfield’s “Unwritten” is the most overused graduation song EVER, but it’s a special song for me, just remembering how truly happy D. was at her 6th grade graduation last year (they sang it AND played it during the dvd montage). You’re right, emotion and sentiment are the words…</p>

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<p>Here is what works for me (most of the time): Keep the eyes glued to the video camera. For some reason looking through the viewfinder keeps me removed from the event, and there are no tears. However, then I feel like I haven’t ‘experienced’ the whole thing, because it is like watching t.v.</p>

<p>and yes, I cry over magazine articles, kids choirs, t.v. commercials- the old Kodak one with the music ‘turn around and you’re two, turn around and you’re four…’ made me cry, even when I was 14. Shudder to think what I’d do if I saw that one now that I have kids getting ready to leave the nest.</p>

<p>For that matter, even the old Budweiser clydesdale ‘christmas card’ with just music used to get me going. Do they still make those commercials?</p>

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<p>Yes, the Bud Christmas commercials are alive and well. Always gives me goosebumps, and gives me Norman Rockwell images to keep in mind as we pack up and head back to the Midwest for Christmas every year. (The actual events NEVER live up to the expectation set by the commercials, tho!!!)</p>

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<p>Oh, Ispf you are NOT Alone on this issue-boy, did I worry about this.</p>

<p>Months before graduation I asked parents who attended previous ceremonies, what the graduation program would be like-
specifically finding out about the poignant moments. </p>

<p>I became even “more” concerned when the experienced Mom
told me no one cried.
Oy vey, this really worried me-
what if I am the only one blubbering, the only one sobbing!</p>

<p>I was in such a state right before and during the ceremony-because my goal was to get through it without allowing the floodgate to open up.</p>

<p>I know many CCers are saying not to worry, how normal it is,
but my crocodile tears are not the normal, and I worried. ( I am reassured to read that I am not alone with this issue, but I did feel that way last year)</p>

<p>So what helped was this- “mind control”-
had to think about an issue with a particular teacher, who was thankfully, placed directly in my view about 12 feet from me. Thinking about this issue with this teacher, immediately distracted me from crying. </p>

<p>So when the processional happened, an anticipated sentimental moment-I focused on above mentioned teacher, reminding myself of how happy I was not to ever see her again.</p>

<p>This technique REALLY helped me through some of those verytough moments.
The camera worked too, my first time using a new digital which was another distraction.
Yes, the bottle water, gives you something to do during those tenuous moments. Reaching into my bag, for a piece of gum- just giving me something else to do , to think about. </p>

<p>The best thing was being MENTALLY prepared, knowing that those tears, and sobbing would be captured by the video camera, was great motivation. </p>

<p>ISPF- it is about “mind control”- find someone or something to distract you at those “pivotal” moments- it works :)</p>

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<p>Well, I have found my new niche! I cry at just about everything too and am NOT looking forward to any of the next 6 weeks events. FInal shows, final concerts…and then graduation.</p>

<p>I spent most of the last 5 days in tears as I watched my D in the lead of Sunday in the Park with George. When they sang “Move on”(look it up if you don’t know the lyrics), I was crying every time. Their final show yesterday was just gut wrenching and I wasnt even sure she or her George were going to get through the song. It is a fitting description for them leaving school and home and finding and becoming themselves. </p>

<p>I have no idea how I will get through graduation. I am a member of the board and will be in the front. This will be our first full graduating class from our little charter school, so it will be even more poignant than usual. </p>

<p>Well, I am what I am and I will cry and be proud of it I guess…and I won’t be embarassed by my sincere emotions!</p>

<p>MikksMom</p>

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<p>This going to sound harsh…But gather yourself together and do it for him. </p>

<p>You are thinking about yourself. Stop thinking about yourself. Stop diplaying for others. </p>

<p>The young girlish levels of estrogen (displayed by supposedly mature women) that on this board is SO over the top it is laughable!</p>

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<p>Hmmm. I don’t think there’s one poster here crying to “display for others.” Obviously, some of us are a bit embarassed, and see no harm in asking for advice–</p>

<p>OTOH, though, I expected a LOT of posts like this (see the OP), so fair enough.</p>

<p>But-- it was a nice surprise to hear that there are plenty of people in the same boat, and that some people even think it’s an appropriate and/or healthy reaction to a very moving moment in our families’ lives. I’ll definitely try some of the hints others have have offered, but if they don’t work I’ll know I’m in good company.</p>

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<p>

Wait. Are you actually making fun of people for their hormone levels? Assuming that is why these people get teary (which I don’t think is necessarily the case), then it’s a physical reaction due to chemicals in the body. In other words, it would be something completely beyond their control.</p>

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<p>“The young girlish levels of estrogen (displayed by supposedly mature women) that on this board is SO over the top it is laughable!”</p>

<p>Toblin- maybe this will be harsh- but pack up your testosterone with your insensitivity and take it to another thread.
Spread your misogyny around. </p>

<p>Wait, after reading many of your recent posts-
you have been doing just that ;)</p>

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<p>And SJCM-- I like your ‘mind control’ idea :)</p>

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<p>thanks ispf–let me know if it helps ;)</p>

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<p>I started tearing up and had to quickly turn around when D first started smiling for the senior portrait photographer. She was sitting there looking beautiful and so grown up…</p>

<p>I kept it hidden during the photo shoot, but frequently tell the story when people look at the photos. D knows it’s because she means so much to me. </p>

<p>Think how different it would be if I was saying, “Can you believe she chose that outfit? I told her to wear something else but she never listens to me.”</p>

<p>Some of our area schools have a boo-hoo breakfast or boo-hoo brunch for the new kindergarten mommies on the first day. Crying at milestones is normal for many of us.</p>

<p>And let’s not talk about musicals. Have you seen Les Mis?? “Your mother gave her life for you and gave you to my keeping.”</p>