tips from moms on how to 'do it all?'

Parent Cafe
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<p>I agree with so much that’s been said. I think most important is not to beat up on yourself. I got a great tip in a little supervisor seminar I took 20 years ago–people tend to focus on what they’re not doing or doing poorly rather than what they’re doing well. Really, if you think about it, I bet it’s a lot. Why don’t you pat yourself on the back for that.</p>

<p>I also wanted to add that cranky is fine, but if it’s more like sad, and it doesn’t seem to be lifting, might be time for a check-in with a therapist. If nothing else it’s some time spent solely on yourself. Quite self-indulgent. (Plus the attendant mental health benefits.)</p>

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<p>Brilliant and insightful comments and suggestions, thank you so much, everyone! </p>

<p>Honestly, this whole ‘balance the kids/dog/housework/job/shopping/etc.’ & staying pleasant throughout really does seem to be the biggest challenge. I’ve been working from pt to full time since Jan (thanks, ellenmenope, did find a super position—but it’s suffering because I’m focused on getting home to let puppy out (!)-- sounds a little ridiculous, but true…).</p>

<p>I’m going to implement a lot of these suggestions right now. E.g, plan meals for month, cook in batches (I used to do this), etc. I’ve started combining exercise w/dog walks & will try to do more of that blending of tasks. </p>

<p>For me I think the key is to hire a teenager to let out the puppy in the afternoon so I’m not so worried about the dog being in a cage (suffering) for hours and hours on end, thus rushing out of work early (and irritating boss, I think).</p>

<p>Husband doesn’t seem to worry as much (probably good, since he’s the main wage earner!) but if having a needy young one at home (puppy…not to mention 7 year old!) is something that weighs on my mind & I just can’t work 8 hours a day and commute, easily.</p>

<p>Don’t know if I’m ready for the ‘full-time lawyer gig’ (assuming I could find it). I seem to really use the flexibiliy of less-than-full-time per diem…maybe in a few months I’ll pull it together enough to attempt full-time, perm.</p>

<p>Btw, I don’t know if other do this – but I’m also realizing that when balancing stuff, I have to up my speed (e.g. shop faster, do chores faster, etc.). I’m usually a pretty low-speed person, but it just doesn’t seem to get done unless I run, run. Wondered if others find it true? Just hoping to keep the family interactions relaxed and non-stressed…</p>

<p>Again, so appreciate the wonderful and helpful comments!</p>

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<p>My work week is about 60 hours, including commute and hubby works two jobs, although his week is much shorter than mine. He does a lot of the housework. I cook on the weekends for a few days’ worth of dinners. It’s important to me that we have real food as often as possible. On the nights that I haven’t/can’t cook, hubby will make baked potatoes, pierogis and burgers or grilled chicken. Exercise is my priority for myself, so I often work out at ten o’clock at night after everything is done. I’m miserable if I don’t. The house is usually civilized, food is mostly fine, and I spend a lot of time working with the little guy and his schoolwork and clarinet. Doesn’t leave for a lot (or any) free time. THe tradeoff for me is that in order to have my home, body and kids in the shape I want, I generally don’t go out if I’m not working. That would be impossible for some, but I feel that I’m so rarely at home I don’t mind. I’ve worked full time since my kids were ten weeks old. The best advice I can give is that you can’t actually have it all. At least not at the same time. What you can do is have the things that are most important to you, whatever they are, just name and claim them. Good luck.</p>

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<p>Definitely move faster! (and then you’ll be sort of exercising too!) I find myself annoyed at the grocery store with the people who are sauntering along while I’m trying to quickly go up and down the aisles grabbing what I need - my pace is just faster with a lot of things. (my kids are always telling me when they walk with me , "geez Mom! SLOW down!!!) </p>

<p>If you’re paying the bills, just pay the bills - don’t try to watch tv at the same time. You’ll get done faster. Put some fast music on while cleaning - you’ll move faster too. </p>

<p>Another biggie - don’t answer the phone if you’re in the middle of the task unless you absolutely need to - that’s what voice mail, answering machines are for. </p>

<p>And delagate - even your 7 year old can fold laundry or clean up the bathroom. 20 minute of their help will be 20 minutes of your time back and if you are like me, THAT helps your attitude!!!</p>

<p>One more thing - but perhaps really important. I have always worked part-time, with those part-time hours increasing over time as the kids have gotten older. BUT I HAVE ALWAYS HAD TROUBLE TRANSITIONING FROM WORK TO HOME! It’s HARD to walk in the house door, tired from work, and see a whole new batches of jobs to be completed! I finally learned to ask two things from my family: 1. The kitchen is the first place I see when I walk in the door - the cleaner you (the family) keeps it when I’m gone, the better mood I’ll be in when I arrive home. 2. When I arrive home, PLEASE give me 5-10 minutes of relative quiet time - no loud voices, no “asking” this or that. </p>

<p>If I can come in, have a bit of quiet, change my clothes and sweep my kitchen floor (a ritual I have had for years - got to have a clean kitchen floor - call me weird :slight_smile: ) my attitude can transition and is all the better. It truly works! :)</p>

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<p>scout59, what (who) I always thought I needed was Alice from the “Brady Bunch”. With Alice doing the cooking, cleaning, and shopping? what exactly did Mrs. Brady do all day? ;)</p>

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<p>I, too, cook in batches. Currently I’ve been making up batch after batch of the tomato base for our favorite Chicken Tortilla Soup. It doesn’t take much more time to do three batches than one, and I have all the “stuff” out. I poached lots of chicken breasts recently (great sale at a Sprouts Grand Opening), shredded it into soup portions and tossed it in the freezer. It takes about 15-20 minutes to get the meal together from frozen, and my family loves it. I use the crock pot quite often as well–BBQ beef one night, becomes sandwiches later in the week. Dh likes to cook, so he often does a big meal on Sunday that becomes leftovers later in the week (lately it’s been tri-tip). And pasta at least once a week (sauce made in huge batches, frozen until needed).</p>

<p>I would definately consider getting a neighborhood teen to let the dog out. It’s worth it to have that burden lifted from your mind, even if the puppy doesn’t seem to care. Sometimes the mental pressure is worse than the actual task, getting rid of the mental pressure can make all the difference.</p>

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<p>That’s a great idea to have a teenager come let the puppy out. I started a new job - unfortunately it’s 30 minutes down the highway from home. So I’m now eating lunch at my desk instead of running home for a “lab therapy” session. I’ll have to look into that because I don’t know how good my husband will be with dog duties when the kids are hours away. </p>

<p>My #1 rule is to open and deal with mail immediately. If it’s junk, throw it out. If it’s a bill to be paid, start the process. My house right now looks like two dorm rooms are strewn throughout it- but I think I’ll be sad when I have a clean, tidy house once again.</p>

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<p>I have certainly found myself in a similar mood - just plain crabby because at times it seems that I’m the only one who remembers every detail from meals to paperwork to dogs, etc.
My advice which is kindof a pick-and-choose from the above - a. cleaning lady. Her presence keeps me on top of my tidying up crap; b. throw out the iron; c. make a list of groceries for the week and BE QUICK WHEN YOU SHOP!!; d. the dog will be ok in the cage for another 45min.
PS Please let me give you a huge {{{{HUG}}} because you still have a 7y.o. at home and I don’t know the heck do YOU do it!</p>

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<p>One way you can speed faster through the store is to make a master grocery list which is put together in the order of the store. I typed up a list of the stuff I usually get and then just circle what we need. There’s enough space between sections to add the unusual stuff. Unfortunately after we move I started using two stores regularly and the less expensive one recently reorganized and I can’t find anything. In fact it is so irritating now (and I am not alone in thinking this) is that I hardly ever go there any more. It takes too long because the new arrangement is completely illogical and inefficient.</p>

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<p>More absolutely wonderful tips, thank you so much!!</p>

<p>I have a friend whose made a plan of her grocery store layout—I’ll have to do that.</p>

<p>Seems like moving faster is the way to go. I’ve been home today (no work) and have not stopped moving except to log into CC. It actually makes the day go faster, you feel better about yourself – I guess I can just adjust up my ‘average running speed’ and get used to it. I also have to speed up at work (billable hours don’t favor the ‘slow and meticulous’ – it’s quick and effective that’s necessary). So, I’ll just move more/quicker, all the way around. This is good. :slight_smile: </p>

<p>Thank you all very much for the support, hugs & encouragement. As for: ‘I don’t know how you do it’ – that’s kind (& thanks) but I am under NO misapprehension that I have it tough. Believe me; I’ve been a single mom in law school & working part time and I know there are women around the world working 18 hour days at menial labor without options for their kids. I am grateful. I’d just like to be able to do it better. :-)</p>

<p>Thanks again!</p>

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<p>Lowering my standards has worked really well for me. :D</p>

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<p>That “hire a teenager” tip could help you a lot. If you find the right one, perhaps that person could also do a few chores while at your house in addition to tending to your dog. You could work a couple of extra hours and pay the helper to do a few things for you and still come out ahead. My mom was a teacher and had a neighbor girl for several years who came a few days a week after school and did some housework and dogs. It worked out well for everyone.</p>

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<p>LOL lunitari. The thing–my housekeeping standards were not super high to begin with! But I was involved in the community, school stuff, etc…some of which I jettisoned (2 PTOs, fundraising) once I started pt time work. </p>

<p>Thanks for that tip, too, bookiemom. It’s only my hub, 7 yo & me (now) so I’d feel guilty about that, I think (how could I not keep up after just the 3 of us? no teenagers trashin the place, now [sadly]). Then again, once you start working & things get crazy…guilt about asking for help needs to go away…!</p>

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<p>Jolynne, if there are any single moms at work, ask how they handle it…I bet they know lots of tricks!</p>

<p>I am pretty good at saying no to church/booster club/comimttee work…the world would not end if lots of that stuff is not done…I also make a special effort to say thanks to the parents who do end up shouldering a lot of the booster club work…also, there is some of that stuff that Dad can do just as well as Mom.</p>

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<p>Absolutely on thanking the moms who do stuff…agree! I write heartfelt thank yous (& used to do the same when I was in law school/wking). I also used to give the PTO a check at the end of the year (in lieu of all the wrapping paper/cookie dough I had no time or inclination to sell!).</p>

<p>Even when I was home I didn’t do much w/the nuts & bolts of PTO except for some fundraising. I was more interested in trying to shape the policies of the districts (w/varying degrees of success, lol).</p>

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<p>I don’t consider my every-other-week cleaning lady to be a luxury - I consider her a godsend. One thing it does is forces us to “pick up” every other week. If there’s stuff all over the coffee table, she can’t clean it. It’s the one way I can get the kids to pick up their rooms - “Tomorrow is cleaning lady day. You can pick up your stuff now and she’ll vacuum and dust your room tomorrow, or you can leave your mess everywhere and then on Saturday you can pick up your mess AND vacuum and dust.” It works. </p>

<p>I read somewhere that most people are either neat or clean, but not both. People who are neat put their stuff away but don’t vacuum very often. People who are clean vacuum and scrub their bathrooms, but they have lots of stuff lying around. My house is neat, but it wouldn’t be clean without the cleaning lady. I just don’t have the self-discipline to do it on a regular basis.</p>

<p>Also, I’m a big believer in store-bought food. If I have to bring food to something I usually sign up to bring drinks. If it needs to be cookies or snacks, I usually buy them.</p>

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<p>Lafalum84,
I love my every other week cleanning lady. I am thinking in horror that she will retire some day. I do not clean and I do not stand when it is dirty - entering the dirty house is depressing experience, living in one is beyond frustration, cleanning it is even much worse and will cause my virtigo.</p>

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<p>mrsref - I agree, Alice would be nice. I was always a little partial to Aunt Bea (“The Andy Griffith Show”)!</p>

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<p>That is one thing that has been impossible for me to give up. If I am supposed to bring food, or if a child is supposed to bring food, it needs to be homemade. Again, it’s one of the choices one is forced to make. I agree that if you can bring drinks or napkins, do it…but I have to bring homemade food. (That and the home-sewn Halloween costumes are my two nods to domesticity.)</p>

<p>(Note that my kids don’t care if I bring homemade or not - I’m the one who cares.)</p>

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<p>What is wrong with homemade, if you enjoy the process, time is well spent. The point is to enjoy whatever you do or do not do (like sitting on couch) than life is exciting if you get into it very often.</p>