tips from moms on how to 'do it all?'

Parent Cafe
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<p>The teen or whomever you hire who helps with the dog might also be able to help some with the 7-year-old. I remember when I was in HS, I was hired to help three grade schoolers finish their homework. I think I could also have walked the dog & taken the kid & dog to the park if I had been asked.</p>

<p>I also vote for lowering standards and prioritizing what is important to you & hubby & your child. The rest can wait or be hired out. We don’t even have a dog but keep plenty busy anyway. We also believe in wash & wear; anyone who wants anything ironed will do it him/herself; it has rarely been used/needed.</p>

<p>Great idea asking hubby what he can do if you increase your hours as it IS a team effort; cooking sounds fabulous (or even more takeout too). Generally, keeping the home going falls on the mom, no matter how many or few hours we have so if you’re increasing your hours, something has to give or more teamwork.</p>

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<p>I do multiple things - while I"m waiting for the coffee to brew I empty the dishwasher. When I pass by the washing machine or dryer on the way to one of the bedrooms I throw a load in or take a load out. I devote one “lunch hour” per week to personal stuff, paying bills or making doc appointments or whatever I can do by phone or e-mail. I devote one other lunch hour to errands that I can’t do or don’t want to do on the way to and from work. I take one day and go out to lunch with friends the other two lunches I catch up on work so I can leave the office at a decent time. I have had a cleaning person off and on and they are fabulous as it is such a pleasure to come home to a clean kitchen and bathrooms. During the non cleaning person periods in life, I leave a list for husband and kids with one thing each to do and I expect them to do it. I do errands on the way to work and on the way home from work and the days I don’t have errands I force myself to stop and not drive by the gym. I always hate walking in the door, but feel much better walking out. The dog is my husband’s responsibility…period. The cat is mine. My most guilty sin but lifesaver is in the winter I do my grocery shopping on lunch hour. I do not grocery shop more than once a week and never without a list and have an extra fridge in the garage. The car is as cold or colder than a fridge and I’m always sad in the spring and summer when I can’t grocery shop during lunch and have to do it on the weekend. When the kids were little I did not get “sucked into” the mommy drama and stuff that the PTA and “sports moms” can dream up and never allowed myself to feel guilty. I get to the kid’s sports events, but I’m the mom in work clothes. I did volunteer at the schools, but I also learned early how to say “no”, there are lots of moms that don’t work. I have my screaming lunatic moments, but I’ve become astonishingly efficient with my life. I’m not perfect. There are nights when I’m so tired I want to cry. I’m incredibly jealous of my girlfriends that have never worked and hit the garage sales, antique shops and have “lunches” and I know they hate it when I talk “shop” with the guys but oh well. There are nights when I come home and scream at everyone including the dog, but then I sneak upstairs and crawl into bed with a good book (after I’m done screaming) or zone out to HGTV.</p>

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<p>Do not be jelous of people who have never worked, they do not know what they are missing… My job is my best entertainment, I will not retire on my own, I have to be forcefully retired. I do not need much sleep so I have enough time to do more than most people who do not work. I guess, I am lucky this way. Plus, I have streamlined my life a lot, doing laundry once in 2 weeks, not shopping, not cleanning, do not like TV, reading, cooking. I just have fun at work, then exersize for couple hours (1 hour walking with my H), then get busy with my hobby. I actually enjoy doing laundry, but I limit it to once in 2 weeks.</p>

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<p>But do try to make time to chat up *all *the parents when you do see them…don’t just start hanging with the “workiing” parents because you are one of them now. I find that the stay at home parents are often a lot more “in the know” about what is going on at school and with the kids.</p>

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<p>I found this thread when, on the verge of going out the door to deliver last child to college, I found myself thinking–but what will I follow NOW on CC!!! I certainly can’t quite cold turkey–and here is my next favorite thread which I look forward to reading in detail when I return. And someone may have already posted this-but [FlyLady.net:</a> Your personal online coach to help you gain control of your house and home](<a href=“New/Most Popular Links | FlyLady.net”>http://www.flylady.net/) is definitely a resource worth looking at. I was put off at first when my sister in law sent it along (we both share struggling to do it all but love to learn about ways to organize)–anyway, over time I’ve noticed that FlyLady actually has all the principles of excellent behavioral interventions built into a very down-home, welcoming everyone site. I’d definitely rather be trapped in an elevator with her rather than Martha Stewart. Any way for what it is worth, check it out</p>

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I agree with that. I’ve also found that as the kids get older, more and more moms go back to work, so you end up in the same place anyway.</p>

<p>My son “graduated” from fifth grade this year and the group of moms in his school who handled all the senior events was just amazing. The energy and creativity that they brought to thtese kids was a gift to each family in the fifth grade. I can never thank them enough (although many of us attempted to!) for the wonderful memories they gave to our kids.</p>

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<p>I worked full time for 33.5 years… retired in march of this year… still feeling very guilty about all this free time…but I will throw a few thoughts into this thread …</p>

<p>first, you will eventually find a rhythm for your days/weeks/months…
I think you were correct in your first post that for short term, you really do have to remind yourself that you are lucky to not be in that Russian sweatshop… it might be as simple as making that thankfulness list of 3-5 things you really like about that new job you have, just so you can easily remember why you “chose” this job? personally, on a darker note, I am not thrilled about all of my newfound freedom, but, I do coincidently have a high school friend who was recently diagnosed with stage 4 brain cancer that means at most 1 year of life left… so, with a friend at 55 and dying, it all seems too relative… and it makes me tremendously grateful that I have my health… in some ways I too am lowering my standards… and focusing on ALL that I do have… </p>

<p>it has been a great irony to me that for sooo many years while I was working, many of my girlfriends were not. Now, many of them went back to work to help pay for college etc, and I am the only one not working…ughhhh… </p>

<p>having a cleaning person (every 2 - 3 weeks) helps in a BIG way… the classic male/Mars comment about “why are we cleaning for the cleaning person?” is actually the clue as to the value… having to maintain a level of orderliness on a regular basis is essential for feeling in control of the homefront. We stopped for the last two years of college costs for the oldest… and I have just restarted having someone come in… I have accepted that using the vacuum and dusting are not my strengths… nor are they strengths of anyone else I live with!! So, it is rising to the top of my priority pile for allocation of limited resources as S#2 starts school on Friday!!</p>

<p>I got a 2nd dryer to help with the time needed for laundry… each wash takes 30 min but a dryer load takes an hour…so, a 2nd dryer make the cycle time much shorter to do lots of laundry… and I used to do it on Thursday nites as it was the nite with the most shows on that I liked to watch on TV…</p>

<p>I too will cook up a storm periodically…usually on a weekend day so I can get help if needed. And while I agree that bringing something for school or potluck might mean homemade, but I have learned some compromises that might help others… I made box cupcakes but use homemade icing…BIG HIT… I use fresh blueberries with box bakery style muffins… </p>

<p>kids have their own color towels… my boys started doing their own laundry by middle school… including their towels…and by high school, they did their sheets too…</p>

<p>I hang those long shoe holders, 4 pockets across, 6 rows up and down, on the inside of many closet doors on my first floor… the one inside the closet by the back door has baseball hats, scholl’s shoe liners, gardening sheers, bug spray and suntan lotions in it for summer… for winter, we swap out for gloves, static spray, lots of winter hats and a few scarves… I have a different one on the inside of the first floor linen closet with ribbons and tissue papers for my gift wrapping needs… the kids have one with all their sports stuff, spike removers, weight lifting gloves etc… lots of random things in our lives and these clear shoe holders make life easier for us…</p>

<p>the stairs to our basement are in our kitchen area and I lined them with shelves for spices and kitchen towels… I use project bags for different committees I am on and I hang those on the railings going into the basement so they are nearby but out of sight…
I hang our grilling baskets and my larger cookie cooling racks on nails on the wall going into the basement also (this is an unfinished basement, but it could work for a finished one too if done artfully!!)</p>

<p>Finally, find something that helps center you (Sudoku or crossword etc) and allow yourself time for that when you sense a cranky attack coming on… if I have a lot of cooking to do that is more tedious than fun, I watch Bride & Prejudice as I cook, as that movie has great music and makes me laugh out loud… I only have a small TV in the kitchen, but I did add a small DVD player to the phone book area as a treat for me… and I will watch a movie when wrapping holiday gifts or if I am working on some beading projects… might take me a bit longer to do things cause I am somewhat distracted, but the end result is the same!! </p>

<p>Congrats on landing a job in this time…thanks for starting this thread, the most interesting aspect to me is the realization that none of us is alone in our quest to get it all done…</p>

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<p>And it’s all so fluid in this economy…the contractor husband may be home now while the wife is going back to work…or both parents are working multiple part time jobs although not of their choosing.</p>

<p>I never did see much evidence of “mommy wars” (stay at home vs. working outside the home.) It seems that people are more relaxed about their choices and don’t pass judgment on others. (Or maybe not just in front of me.)</p>

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<p>I am not in touch with any parents at D’s school. We were freshman year, both working. They are juniors and I have no idea what is each kid up to except for my closer friends whose kids are at different colleges. We have seen some parents at parents weekends, but they are not up to talking with other parents, just visiting kids. We have spend a wonderful weekend with our D. Looking forward to Sorority parent weekend too.</p>

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<p>One of the pitfalls of working “only 20 -30 hrs/week” is that we announce this to everyone as a sort of an apology and then family members, strangers on the street, etc., feel free to treat us as though we still have plenty of time (I could go on a rant here about my beloved brother and his belief that since I am ONLY working part-time I can be the "go-to person for our folks :)) . Someone once told me you can’t get half dressed, so working part-time requires more time than we allow. So, my tip is to refrain from making that announcement unless you are asked directly by someone.</p>

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<p>-Ditto the Flylady recommendation!</p>

<p>-Best thing to avert grumpiness: exercise daily (even if it is just a brisk 15 minute walk in the a.m. - 30 min. is better of course).</p>

<p>-Laundry Miracle: Keep a bunch of empty hangers in your laundry room, and a have a place to hang things. Put wet clothes in the dryer for TEN MINUTES (no more). Open dryer when the bell goes off, and immediately hang up anything which could have come out wrinkled later on from the dryer (then close the door and dry the rest). The hanging clothes will dry in such a way that, with very few exceptions (maybe 100% cotton dress shirts, for example), they will look as if you pressed them. The clothes, when dry, are ready to transfer to everyone’s closet. An additional benefit is that when everything is hung up, the kids cannot create balls of clean laundry in their drawers or shelves (as they rummage for the perfect outfit). The kids look neater, and their rooms stay neater. You will almost never have to iron (especially if you purchase no-iron dress shirts).</p>

<p>-If you live somewhere where this is possible, order your groceries online to be delivered once a week (Saturday morning?). This is a huge time saver.</p>

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<ul>
<li><p>I think it is so much easier to “do it all” when we lower our standards (the “good enough” working parent). There are ways to be clever without spending lots of time. Google “three ingredient meals” for lots of yummy, quick ideas. Mark Bittman, for example, is a food writer for the New York Times (The Minimalist). He has lots of great ideas for meals which are simple and FAST, such as these three ingredient soups:
[Cozy</a> up with easy 3-ingredient soups - Today: Food: Recipe](<a href=“http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27680381]Cozy”>http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27680381)</p></li>
<li><p>The greatest thing I ever did to simplify my life and save time was throw out (or give away) most I what I owned. My drawers, closets, etc. have the bare minimum in them. I keep only what I am really using - everything else must go. Life is so much easier this way, and I am hoping to pass this on to my kids. Clutter is such a buzz-killer.</p></li>
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<p>My SIL & brother are great at tossing all non-essentials. A friend tossed many of her wedding gifts in an attempt to simplify & found it very freeing. We’re packrats & unable to follow suit, tho it is tempting. My S is a minimalist & I envy him.</p>

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<p>That is an excellent tip! Don’t ever say “I’m only working part time” or you will be deemed the person with enough time to man the concession stand every game.</p>

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<p>Oh, one more (taken from real life today)…let everyone own their own chores and don’t let them push them off on you…Husband wanted to send stuff to Son at college…I had the address at work. He tried to give me the package and said, “so you’ll take this to work and mail it.” I said, “No, I’ll call you from work with the address and you can mail it.”</p>

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<p>Wonderful, wonderful insights, thank you all!!</p>

<p>So true about the working pt. time. At my most recent per diem job, I ended up working about 5-6 hours a day, 5 days a week (I don’t know that I’d do that schedule again…). Although it was part-time, there was still the same daily rush to get daughter ready for daycare/camp, lunches packed, dishwasher unloaded/loaded, laundry run, dog walked & fed, floor wiped, breakfasts made & cleaned up, daughter’s hair brushed & reminders for her to do her routine in a hurry, bed made & self showered/dressed/hair done. </p>

<p>Hub woke up, had coffee/paper, dressed & went to work. He’s actually a very contributing guy, but I suppose I thought: I’m only working part-time, I should still do everything.</p>

<p>I’m sure there are women who do this every day and it’s no big deal (maybe I’ll be one of them someday?) but I just couldn’t seem to get out the door before 9:45! And rush home to the puppy locked in a cage at 3:30. Just not conducive to being that employee who produces fast, quality work . </p>

<p>After looking back at my crankyness with son over the past 6 months while I’ve worked (periods of full & part-time) I just started to think: is this worth it?</p>

<p>Of course, when I reviewed our finances…something is necessary. </p>

<p>Not sure if anyone has done the 30 hours a week in 3, 10 hour days? I’m thinking this might be better. That way—3 whole days for nothing but work and no one at home expects a whole lot out of you. :slight_smile: Then, 2 other work days of focusing on the family, running errands, cleaning, seeing elementary kid off the bus & sparing her after-care.</p>

<p>Btw, I tried flylady a few years ago when first home w/daughter. Couldnt’ seem to get the hang of the deep cleaning schedule, but do try to keep the clutter at bay using her techniques!</p>

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<p>I work 30 hours - I work 6 hours a day, 5 days a week. Allows me to take kids to school, work, and be home when they get home from school - and allows me to be available for driving to sports, dance, games, etc. For me, it would be harder to work longer days because my husband works later hours and would not be available for be the driver/game attender. I am SO SO grateful to have a job where I work when they kids are in school and to be home when they are done - again, decide what your priorities are. Three 10-hour days will be very long and doesn’t mean that there won’t be needs when you arrive home in the 11th hour - but, do what suits you best - does your job allow for 3 tens???</p>

<p>I manage to do all the other things in small increments - never take a whole day to clean/grocery shop etc. - just do what I can when I can. It works out!</p>

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<p>Interesting, abasket! I just felt, w/my most recent job, there was a lot of driving (1/2 hour each way, each day) and time spent settling in, turning on computer, starting coffee, talking to co-workers briefly (lol, this seems minor) and it would be overall more effeceint to have just plowed through while engaged in a particular task (mostly writing/analysis) for hours at a stretch, rather than popping in & out. </p>

<p>This could be one of those things where ‘the grass is greener,’ schedule-wise (3 tens might sound good in theory). Most jobs I’ve found are pretty flexible (they let me set schedule) for most part. That can be dangerous, though, because home stuff ends up pushing back my time to get into work and shortening my total hrs there.</p>

<p>I do know a lot of moms who are nurses who do the three, twelve hours shifts a week and seem to do okay w/it.</p>

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<p>Jolynne, isn’t your youngest pretty young? Three long days might work well if he doesn’t have a whole lot of outside activities to be shuttled to yet. (Of course, you still have to deal with the puppy.)</p>

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<p>I would do the 3 10s. That’s 2 days you don’t have to drive to work, dress for work, worry about lunch at work, etc.
We fought hard to try to get 4 10s a week here at my work during the really high gas prices last year, but our CEO wouldn’t go for it.</p>