To any incoming or current student:

College Life
1

<p>I am a soon to be freshman attending my first choice college and am eager and excited to get started. I leave this week for orientation and feel like even if it’s going to be difficult, it’s going to be fulfilling and wonderful.</p>

<p>Earlier this evening I was on the couch, watching Michelle Obama give her speech as the primary speaker for the night at the Democratic National Convention. My uncle happened to come over, and proceeded to call my brother (who is a rising junior) down from his room. He asked him to sit down, and told me to get off my laptop and listen to him as well.</p>

<p>He then proceeded to give a speech. He started giving a story of a psychology major who had graduated with superb grades, but after graduating, could not find a job. He then told another story of another student who came from an affluent family, but did not graduate in 4 years and was so ashamed that he told his father that he actually did. He told us that we should seize this moment we have now, and that our 4 years in college are some of the most important, if not the most important and we have to decide now how we are to go about with our lives and what to do.</p>

<p>He then talked about how as Asian-Americans, we are not entitled to all of the rights we have as white Americans. Jobs are harder to find, people are racist, selfish, and will give a job to a white man. Engineering is a good job, but don’t do electrical engineering, because it is very hard and being Asian is harder. Working with x-rays in a hospital would be easier for us than being doctors, and only takes a year or so to receive a license. As an Asian <i>woman</i>, something satisfactory for me would be to teach English in Korea and get married. He went on with more examples, until he finished, then gave each my brother and me an envelope of cash as a “good kid” or “do well” type of gift.</p>

<p>I am disgusted by my uncle, and completely offended that something like that would be said to me, as a woman and as an 18-year-old ready to start a brand new part of her life. I am enraged and ashamed that it would come from a family member, then to have to take it in and bite my tongue because of culture and respect. Then to be somehow bribed with a gift of cash is insulting. To have it come 2 days before I leave is upsetting and wreaks havoc on my mindset.</p>

<p>I type this on here, because I would just like to say to any Asian student, or really any student in general, or any person in general who is trying to find out what they want to do with their life:</p>

<p>Do not let anyone, ever, in your life tell you that you can or cannot do something. Do not let anyone tell you that you are not good enough for something, that because of the way you look you are only akin to certain rights, and that because you are a woman you cannot do something that men apparently can do better. No matter how close they are to you, whether you’ve known them for years or whether they’re a relative or whether they’re your closest friend. Don’t believe it. Because the minute that you start to believe it and give up is the moment it’ll actually be true. The second that you start believing in something like what my uncle said is just another confirmation to the prejudice, and narrow-minded people that still exist in this world today. It is those people that are the reason racism still exists, that some people are still weary about a black president or a woman president, that gay people are called f-a-g-s, and that the world hasn’t progressed faster than it can.</p>

2

<p>Just try to understand that the major you select might not be the major you will graduate in college with. Try your best to be successful in whatever you feel might be the most beneficial for you and your family, and also understand that wealth does not equate to happiness. Having an abundance of money while hating your future career might be your uncle’s point of view currently, but just try to be yourself and explore college life before you go into the working world.</p>

3

<p>If this is one of the points your uncle was saying then I agree: Being a minority in the work force is not like being a white person in the work force. Being a female in the work force is different from being a male in the work force. The truth is things aren’t equal and their is a bias for white men. </p>

<p>I don’t think that you should be a Korean teacher if you want to be a doctor. And I don’t think that you can’t be more skilled than the next white person. Go for your dreams. But the social bias from above does exist.</p>

4

<p>You’re right. Everyone, don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t do something. I let that happen for far too many years in my life and was almost ruined because of it. My elementary and junior high teachers used to tell me that I’m slow, that I can’t learn like other people. I high school, instead of putting me into a intellectually charged class( not that theses are abundant in HS anyways), they put me in a vocational training class and tried to get me to something “realistic”. Lol, I guess the joke’s on them now. After I wised up, I started to top all my classes. I would take any difficult class I want without taking any heed of the academic adviser’s warning( I suggest you do the same).</p>

5

<p>Yeah, my dad tells me the exact same things all the time. It’s not that big a deal to me anymore, because I’ve been hearing it for the past year… But it is true to an extent there is underlying racism in certain parts of the US - you might try to deny it, but after living in many different places that is quite apparent.</p>

<p>Of course, that’s completely different from telling you you can’t or shouldn’t do something. That’s your prerogative. My parents tell me all the time to go for some lucrative major and that engineering grads don’t earn too much money, yada yada… Well, I’m going to do whatever my God-given talents complement, and whatever I enjoy doing. There’s no use in having a depraved life trying to be someone you aren’t.</p>

6

<p>Don’t be mad at you uncle and consider his advice and all other advice you’ve been given throughout your life when making decisions. He wouldn’t be saying those things if they hadn’t happened to him.</p>

<p>Now, I’m not saying you should follow his advice. I’m saying you should consider it and not be naive enough to think there aren’t people out there who will give you a harder time just because you’re Asian.</p>

<p>Lastly, the thing about the psychology major is true. I know someone who got a masters from Northwestern, I believe, and is now working for $13 an hour at some high school and is having a very hard time making ends meet. If you major in psychology you should consider going to medical school and becoming a psychiatrist or some other kind of doctor.</p>

7

<p>What I have discovered, is that everyone faces discrimination of some sort. What we have to realize though, is that we are a generation that can make some real change! Do what YOU want. Do not ever allow anyone to tell you that you are not good enough, or smart enough. If you work hard, you can get anything you want. So go for what you want, and next time, just do what I do when someone is trying to give me a speech about how I should do something just because I am a woman. I nod my head occasionally, look interested, but at the same time, I do something else in my head. For example, count how many times they say the or and.</p>

8

<p>Why do you feel so outraged? As far as I can see, your uncle’s advice - taken as advice and not as a command - is perfectly reasonable. He is right to indicate to you the possibility of bias and the over-representation of Asian-Americans in some fields. I doubt he was telling you what you can and cannot do. It seems to me he was simply explaining some rather unsavory possibilities for you to take into consideration. Surely this is not something that should cause a mature woman to become enraged?
Remember that you can always prove yourself as an outstanding doctor, if that is what you wish, and that social bias is not so pervasive as to hinder you to do this… if your uncle wishes to tell you that it seems to him, with his experience and his qualifications, that choosing another profession would prove a better path in life, then that is his opinion, not to be disregarded out of hand but rather evaluated. If you do possess the required skills to become a doctor, and I have no reason to doubt that you do, then you may engage in this evaluation and justifiable argue that his argument need not apply to you. My parents have the same arguments, albeit directed towards my chosen subject of study and my current position (philosophy and Army cadet, respectively) on the grounds that philosophy does not secure a job offering out of college, and this did not enrage me. Instead of perceiving this opinion as telling me what I cannot do, I reflected upon it critically. In my case I believe I am justified in pursuing my passions as they will prepare me well for rigors of my native law school system; in your case, you could argue the same for electrical engineering and medical school.</p>

9

<p>Bias towards white men? Come on down to Miami and you’ll think differently… but you don’t see me whining asking for money. Everyone is given the same opportunity, its a matter of how you carry yourself, how hard you work and what kind of motivation you have. The truth is, the most qualified person for the job is going to get it, its just an excuse for a minority to say they didn’t get it because they are black, mexican, woman, white etc. Give me a break, most people are just looking for excuses.</p>

10

<p>I do think that most often the most qualified person gets the job, but I think it’s silly to deny that racism is still around, including in the work force. Asian Americans are well known to have strong work ethics, but comparing the average salary of Asian-American males to white males with similar jobs and experience seems to still show white favoritism. People still have their preferences, and with so many qualified applicants for many jobs, it’s not hard to imagine race being a deciding factor in some cases–or even having a subconscious effect under salary negotiation. Regarding gender, male interviewers often don’t realize that they tend to consider assertive males as being strong and passionate and assertive females as–well, “not very nice,” to put it mildly–leading to a male preference. When female interviewers are used, they tend to be more equitable in their views of this.</p>

<p>Heck, when I lived in a predominantly white apartment complex, someone vandalized the bulletin board with “Viva Castro” and everyone blamed us (Cuban family). That was just one example of false accusations against us in that complex to drive us out (and they worked!).</p>

<p>Don’t get me wrong, I do believe that to a very large extent our system is fantastic, I just think that we shouldn’t deny that we’re not quite perfect yet.</p>

<p>To the OP, I’m sorry he made you feel that way. I agree with other posters that the best thing you could do is try to take it as advice and not a command, but I know how hard it is to feel that way. My dad pretty much expects me to be rich and has a somewhat typical Cuban business-centric mindset: he constantly urges me to go into finance or maybe engineering (to gain skills to create a wildly successful start-up). Not gonna happen! :slight_smile: He constantly tries to convince me that income less than $200,000 (WAY more than we earn, and we’re doing fine) is simply not enough. It really gets on my nerves, but I shrug it off 'cause I know that in the end he’ll still accept whatever I choose, even if he’s not happy about it.</p>

11

<p>Another thing to consider is that your uncle is from a different generation, and possibly even a different culture; I think it’s pretty undeniable that there is a communication gap between Asian Americans and first generation Asians.</p>

<p>My parents are very similar; they give me advice that would only apply 20 years ago, and in another country altogether. “Go to an ivy league school, and you will be set for the rest of your life.” This isn’t China, where the general lack of education makes anyone with a degree much more valuable. “Make a lot of money and then you can marry anybody you want.” Although there is some truth to this statement, a lot of people are egalitarian and don’t marry based on economic status. “Don’t marry a Black woman” Again, this isn’t China.</p>

<p>Like the poster above said, I respect my parents for their hard work in coming to this country and dealing with multiple hardships. I also respect them for paying for my education, and raising my along the way. Does that mean I believe in everything they tell me? No.</p>

<p>I realized a trend in Asian Americans, and especially Asian females, is a disdain for their culture and tradition. I think that is a pity.</p>

12

<p>Wow Orwaca - I read the first four paragraphs of your post and thought you were going to head in a totally different direction. I was thinking how sweet, kind, and caring your uncle was and then hit your fifth paragraph where you unexpectedly stated you were “disgusted” by him, “enraged” and “ashamed.” “Bribed” with a gift of cash? What exactly do you think he was bribing you to do? </p>

<p>Thinking I had missed something horrendous I had to go back and read it again - even after a second and third reading I still fail to see why you would be “disgusted,” “enraged,” or “ashamed.” Most of his advice is sound, whether you are asian or not. We are aware of several recent college grads with history and psych degrees who are now wandering around their parents’ home wondering what the heck to do. As a woman in the work force, I’ve seen the biases still exist- and sometimes the worst offenders are women themselves or the “downtrodden” minority.</p>

<p>Is some of the advice “old-fashioned” or “old-world”? Sure. My H is from India (I’m not) and my kids and I are well-aware that he sees things sometimes from a whole different perspective. Does that make his thoughts and advice “disgusting?” </p>

<p>Here’s my unsolicited advice - don’t see everything as an assault on you or women or asians. It’s tiresome.</p>

<p>Wow.</p>

13

<p>Family members are crazy.</p>

<p>My grandfather once told me a few years ago to dumb myself down or I wouldn’t attract guys.</p>

<p>Same grandfather couldn’t help but brag about me when I was the val in high school.</p>

14

<p>I agree with you for the most part. Don’t let anyone tell you you cannot do something. You can if you put your mind to it. That being said, your Uncle was not saying this out of malice or patronage but instead out of compassion. He loves you. He’s seen the world. He wants to warn you that yes, as a woman and a minority things will be harder for you than any white male can possibly imagine. I strongly agree that you should keep up your hopes and your dreams, but do remember to be pragmatic. If you major in something “fluffy” don’t be surprised if you get passed up for that chemical engineer. I do understand where you’re coming from wholeheartedly. I used to be told I couldn’t do several things, and still am. I hated it, despised it. It made me furious, injected blood rage, whatever you want to call it. How could someone dare question my enormous potential?, I would think! Even if it was coming from someone in power (even my parents and I come from a culture where parents are second only to God), I’d tell them, in no uncertain terms, to **** off. It made me try 10X as hard to accomplish my goals so for nothing else be able to gloat that I did them. That being said, I knew most of the time these people were telling me these things so I wouldn’t get hurt or waste my time, since I too am a minority. (Black male) I’m also starting to realize that and act accordingly, but usually my anger gets in the way too. I would just remember that these people love you or have a positive interest in you so you should just remember to be angry at the message and not the person. I also agree that these “can’t do” ideas make it harder for real progress. If someone had told you five years ago a Black man with a funny name would be the Presidential candidate in the 2008 election for a major party, would you have believed them? I know I wouldn’t, and I’d be wrong thankfully. I agree it will be tougher as an Asian American female but I also believe in “can do, will do, regardless the effort”!</p>