<p>Oh, Zebes, I relate, but I have no advice. My husband ( a sentimental pack rat by nature) was executor of his parents’ estates. His parents had TONS of stuff. They were collectors, and invested time, research and money in their collections. But no one wants their stuff and some of it is out of fashion now. His siblings took what they wanted, Husband has been nibbling away at what is left (ebay, donations, etc,)for more than a year. </p>
<p>I am working with my husband to make sure we do not leave such a burden for our son. The fact that husband’s grandmother collected “some odd collectible that made some sense at the time” does not mean that our son has to deal with boxes of the same when we are gone. This has not been easy, but I persist.</p>
<p>Surely, collections in which time, research, and money are invested would be most valuable kept as a complete collection? Why not advertise the entire collection in the appropriate magazine or on-line?</p>
<p>mafool, you said it, don’t leave all of this stuff for our kids to deal with someday! Why do people keep records, taxes and old checkbooks from 10, 20 30 years ago. You will NEVER need it and someday your family will have to go through all of that stuff, just in case something important is tucked in.</p>
<p>on the other hand- my mom got rid of most of my dads stuff when he died when he was 45. She had lived in condos/with my brother for a couple years before * she died*.
And virtually there is not a lot to remember either of them by, I have some photos of mom’s ( which actually are of my kids that I had given to her), but not anything of my dad’s.</p>
<p>One of those decluttering shows on HGTV advocates turning the things you just can’t let go of (“the letters they wrote to each other right before they got married, and photos, and WWII medals, and and”) into a keepsake to display in your home (as in, put a couple letters, a few photos, and the medals in a shadow box) or toss the stuff. The theory is that if it is important put it on display or use it; if it’s not precious enough to make a scrapbook of it or a pillow out of it (as in grandma’s wedding gown), then donate it to a museum or Goodwill, sell it, or throw it away. Easier said than done, of course.</p>
<p>Last weekend I hired my cleaning lady to spend a day decluttering the storage area of my basement with me. It really sped things up to hand off things to her to toss, keep, or donate as I organized what remained in place. We threw out a lot and set a lot aside to go to Goodwill. She also set aside a pile to take home with her and that was a great incentive to me to give up things I might not have sent to Goodwill; it was nice to know those things were going to a good home. I know she’s going to garage sale some of it and that’s good too because I know she’ll make some money on it (sure, I could have, but I wouldn’t have and it just would have sat there until the next purge).</p>
<p>@ midwesterner: Thank you for the paint suggestion, that would definitely work and is just my kind of color! </p>
<p>I’m down with a very painful case of bursitis, of course in the right shoulder, so no real progress made on my storeroom project. But spent the day yesterday adding pieces to my family memory book (at least I can still bend my elbow and type, thank goodness). A few years ago, a distant relative had shared 6 generations worth of genealogical research which I put into page protectors and a large 3-ring binder. My contribution will be more photos, those important paper things like birth/marraige/death certs, diplomas, service records, and a few interesting letters I found in my parents stuff. I’d just to pass down some things that will help my parents and grandparents come “alive” for future generations. I’m hoping this will satisfy my need to hang onto my parents through their stuff…and I’ll finally be able to start letting personal items go!</p>
<p>zebes, in cleaning out jewelry boxes, I found it very helpful to use a good magnifying glass to avoid tossing items that, although broken/mismatched/ugly, still have scrap value. A test kit is also a useful (and inexpensive) thing to have for unmarked items. I had offered any jewelry/collectibles to all the siblings and grandkids and was still left with a four boxes full. I love old coins and found some interesting ones to keep (condition wasn’t mint) and a few duplicates were sold privately via collector forums as ebay fees seemed high. A fair deal was struck with just a few pm’s and shipping c.o.d. was easy for both sides. I also found almost a pound of broken gold, some sterling, and a few ounces of platinum. I was able to turn that into $1500 (when prices were lower) very easily by taking it to a private jeweler who also removed the stones for me and made a separate offer for some of those. There are collector/dealer forums where you can get names of reputable refiners to send precious metals to (ie. not the ones who advertise on tv), but I decided to start locally and was happy with the experience.</p>
<p>You must be exhausted. It is not the physical aspect that is so draining, it is the decision making and the responsibility that are draining. You may have shelved your novel temporarily, but I wouldn’t be surprised if you found another in your work. </p>
<p>I moved my parents out of their home to a lovely apartment in a retirement village last year. I was so happy that they made the move while they were able to weigh in on what they wanted to keep. I can’t imagine doing both households at the same time. </p>
<p>Recently a couple who lives in our neighborhood moved to a retirement community. As an incentive to buy, the retirement community pays for professional moving. The company did EVERYTHING! They (three people minimum) were here for five days, wrapping, packing, etc. They delivered items to Goodwill, as well as some furniture to
their two adult children. </p>
<p>Gives you some idea of just how much manpower it takes to move from a lifetime home!</p>
<p>While every case varies, in the estate sale business, sometimes we help people when they are downsizing or moving into retirement or care facilities. Some times we work with the people who are moving directly, most of the time it is with their families. Many times they don’t have the time to go through everything or just can’t emotionally. We have learned what may have sentimental value or other importance and we set it aside for the family to look at. Sometimes the family does not care at all, I will ask them repeatedly if they want pictures, jewelry other keepsakes and they will say no. You have to wonder what happened in that family. While I certainly don’t advocate keeping everything you’d think they would want something from their parents. When the person(s) have passed and we are selling and emptying the house I always think of it as we are closing out a life. And even though I never knew the people, by the time we are done I feel as though I knew them well and can feel very sad.</p>
<p>srw, I don’t mean to be a contrarian, but I was able to save 10s of thousands of dollars in my divorce because I kept financial records from early in our marriage (some of them 20years old). Some evidence of non-marital financial transactions that were important in our divorce procedings. I’m not saying keep everything… but I am sure glad I had my bank statements, credit card statements, and check copies from that period.</p>
<p>I’m sympathetic to the issue of keeping a lot of junk, though, as I am the personal representative for an estate at the moment. My compromise for what I choose to keep is to very carefully label what I am keeping so it is obvious what can be kept/pitched if I don’t do it before I die.</p>
<p>My gosh I so can’t related to this that i just had to respond (not that it isn’t great t throw it out there as an idea because maybe it works for some people). But I just sooooo don’t get it. </p>
<p>Why do these TV experts have to suggest that if its not ‘instrumental’ or ‘decorative’ (gag) its not worth keeping? Where is valuing something intrinsically? I sure wouldn’t want these decorator people working in museums or being archeologists or running our arts council! I am now imagining that they would be the same people that would rather buy a big cheap burger at McDs than a small piece of french cuisine because its ‘better value’; that would marry a person for their status or money than for their good heart; that would see a business degree as more valuable than a literature degree…grr. </p>
<p>There may be absolutely justifiable value in keeping things because they are simply valuable to keep, and they are not the kind of thing that has to be either on display or used! Good lord. </p>
<p>Maybe the next generation wants it! Maybe it’s critical documentation to history. Maybe it just ‘matters’ in an emotional way that one CAN retrieve it in private if they want to and the notion of ‘owning’ it is value in and of itself. I still have diaries from when I was a teenager. I have probably looked at them 3 times in 20 years…but they are no less valuable to keep and become more meaningful to me as I age. Likewise I would keep my father’s WWII medals and keep his papers, and keep my old love letters: they aren’t going on display nor being ‘used’ but surely I would never throw them out because they are a valuable part of my history.</p>
<p>Sorry I’m not arguing with anyone but some person on the TV set…I just had to get that off my chest. Thanks.</p>
<p>I certainly understand your point. And I really like your idea of sorting and labeling everything. I rarely see that done, it’s usually just everywhere in the house. I think the worst I have ever seen is my dad. He was a realtor for many years and has kept copies of every contract he every wrote, in most cases the people he sold the house to have long sold it and in many cases the house has been since sold many times. I think the most amazing thing he has done in his pack ratted-ness is he has the owner’s manuals for every car he has owned in his safe deposit box. Now some may say he is sentimental about his cars and is keeping them for keepsakes, not so. And why would he keep them in a safe deposit box? I guess my point is so many people lament the junk that they have and complain about not having enough storage space and say they can’t find anything. When so much of this stuff are things they don’t really want, don’t use or need. I also see that people keep stuff out of guilt. The spent a lot on it, don’t use it but can get rid of it because of the money they spent and they feel bad about not liking/using it so they feel they have to keep it around to somehow justify the expense. I think all of this excessive stuff and papers, etc. creates a subtle stress in peoples lives. Now I personally like stuff and have quite a bit, but I try to make sure it is things I really use and love. One thing I did was create a “nostalgia” cabinet out of my grandmothers china cabinet. I use one shelf for things from my family, one for my husbands family and one for our family. I really like it, I can look in and see things near and dear. They stay clean and neat and are not packed away. You can put lots of different things in it, I have some of my grandmothers china in there, photos, my FIL wallet, a few things the kids made in school, photos, jewelry…</p>
<p>Starbright, I agree with you, those are the things you should keep, but for most of us those old diaries and love letters can but put up in a pretty box and don’t take up a lot of room. 50 years of old bills is another thing.</p>
<p>I’ve skipped a bit here but so relate to the topic. My mom moved into Grandma’s house and grandma’s and grandad’s clothes are STILL THERE (grandad died in 1965) She is a clutter bug anyway. I dread the thought of moving her or cleaning after she dies, but know it is coming.</p>
<p>Anyway, I wanted to underline the BUY A SCANNER early comments for those WWI WWII love letters. If they are off on a CD they can A) be shared amongst siblings, B) be saved in case of flood or fire and C) kept without clutter. I’d keep the originals anyway.</p>
<p>But there is a LOT of stuff that can be scanned and it doesn’t TAKE that long (My H did ALL our old records and junk like that in just a few days of fairly dedicated time. Or you can pay a teen to feed them in in hourly bits of time. Just so they know what to label the documents. </p>
<p>And for the trophies/momenta things that are not valuable, but not able to be junked… most digital cameras now work really well for close up pictures. Think spy mode and take pictures of those kindergarten projects etc etc. Then get one of those large digital picture frame things and make the slide show. I think this is GREAT for people who have to move. Then every time they see the picture, it is some treasure that brings back a memory and the treasure isn’t out in the garage getting eaten by rodents. And you can swap in some current pics of grandkids as well as have the 'stuff" on there. </p>
<p>I was a lot more willing to let go of some docs, which I admit we will probably never ever use once I knew I had them on digital storage. AND now days almost every single user manual is on-line. No need to save those auto owners guides anymore! YAY </p>
<p>srw, this is exactly my thoughts. Gradually my hubby is scanning the bills so I hope one day it will show a dent. I think I heard or read a quote once that was something like, “if its not pretty, not been used, or not truly sentimental, toss it”</p>
<p>I also REALLY love this idea and we’ve used it for the kids rooms: Empty the room and then PUT BACK IN the stuff you really want to keep. You’d be surprised how very quickly you can put stuff into boxes, move them into the hall THEN sort through what you want to bring back in. Much easier and more fun than going through stuff looking for what to get rid of. I suppose it a bit like a ‘mini-move’.</p>
<p>About those old diaries: my mother kept a journal, starting in 1937, until she died in 2003. They took up NINE book boxes. One of my older sisters took them and read them all. To me, it was just Too Much Information and then some more; I read a few pages about myself and my husband and found she hadn’t even spelled DH’s name correctly (she never did get it right so I wasn’t that surprised). I advocated for burning the journals unread when she died but was overridden by older sister; I have no idea what will happen to them long term.</p>
<p>My mother was a bit theatrical and I’m sure she imagined a future historian being thrilled to have them, but what about in the meantime? That’s my childhood that she’s got wrong.</p>
<p>Talking about diaries and journals reminds me, if you have VERY personal items that you would not want anyone to see or read think about what you will do with them before your time comes. You’d be surprised what we have found.</p>
<p>My mother has written her life story…and asked me to read it. I don’t think she has any idea how her preference for my brother is so obvious. I’ve had a lifetime to get over it but it still hurts.</p>
<p>After my H died I found a carton marked “Personal” and in it, among other things, were 200 love letters from an old girlfriend. (Pre my marriage…I knew about her but they couldn’t marry because he had been divorced.) I found her brother who said she wouldn’t be interested in them so I threw them away but sent him her photos anyway. He thanked me and eventually she called me, crying. She is now a widow and so happy to have been remembered by a boyfriend from her youth.</p>
<p>Things like WWI/WWI love letters are desired by historical societies and universities. PBS was requesting people send them copies of their relatives’ a couple of years ago, too. I would not toss that kind of stuff.</p>
<p>Ken Burns could not have produced that Civil War series if everybody had tossed their Civil War vet relatives’ letters!</p>
<p>Even you folks in the estate clearing business, if it looks like that kind of thing, you should try to convince the relatives to donate those to the university. The hist dept would probably be very happy to receive them!</p>
<p>Silvervestersmom, do you ever wish you’d saved the letters for her? I felt sad reading your story, like how the heck would a brother know his sister’s preference and why didn’t he ask her first? </p>
<p>I can’t imagine tossing such stuff, and i can’t put to words why it seems so valuable to me (not just my stuff, but say my husband’s old love letters with other women…I don’t read them but I could not fathom him not keeping them either). To me they, and diaries and such, are preserved artifacts in time, never to be replicated. Their inherent value increases with time. </p>
<p>It might be ‘too personal’ or hurtful or not anonymous enough for people in the story who are still alive, but at some point, when all the characters are long dead, the story that is told is extremely valuable as it is unique. Seems such a shame to lose the history of one’s life, from one singular perspective. Even the most mundane ordinary life, as told from the viewpoint of the person experiencing it, is fascinating and worth preserving. </p>
<p>I so wish I could explain my feelings on this better. I’m sure I don’t make sense to some people because its one of those things one can ‘value’ that is hard to calculate. I suppose when I hear of throwing out diaries and the like, its like hearing of knocking down a 300 year old historical building. Same kind of feeling- makes sense to some, not to others. </p>
<p>But I think the advice posted about thinking of your personal stuff before you go is so important. Once you are gone you have no control over the audience or the impact of what you’ve left behind. Moreover, you can’t expect your relatives to know what you’d prefer (it’s up there with organ donations and life support and funeral arrangements: don’t dump the burden of decision on your survivors).</p>